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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My heart broke a little bit

16 replies

UndertheCedartree · 07/09/2021 22:52

Please be gentle - I had insomnia last night - and been an emotional wreck today!

I have a 14yo Autistic DS. So I'm a bit protective of him and I worry about him.

I found out today he'd had his first relationship - it only lasted a couple of months apparently. He didn't tell me 😭 Am I being unreasonable that my heart broke a little bit?

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 07/09/2021 22:58

Yabu . He's a teen. I didn't announce to my parents the first time I kissed someone or had my first boyfriend.

Had a friend with a mum that felt 'heartbroken' not knowing everything about friend ..friend never told her mother a thing. Because she would go on and on about it to everybody and kept giving unsolicited advice and had many questions for my friend. Parents like that are too much..

He needs some independence,he's growing up
.

Notimeforaname · 07/09/2021 22:59

You'll get used to itSmile

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 07/09/2021 23:08

@Notimeforaname - he tells me most things so hopefully I'm not as bad as your friend's mum!! And our conversations are private - I don't tell anyone about them! Oh and also of course I've not told him I felt a little bit heartbroken. But yes he is growing up! He just enrolled at college today. I'm just feeling so emotional today!!

@Notimeforaname - I hope so! This is hard!

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 07/09/2021 23:28

I think you should be delighted that he managed all by himself and didn’t fall apart when it ended. You have done a good job!

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 07/09/2021 23:35

@pottedpalm - that's really kind, thank you

OP posts:
wheretoyougonow · 07/09/2021 23:41

Don't worry, it's a difficult age. Let him have his space. As he gets a bit older he might tell you a bit more. Having teenagers is a minefield!

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 07/09/2021 23:45

@wheretoyougonow - it really is! I love him so much and all I want is for him to be happy! And he does seem happy. I'm just scared of getting it all wrong!

OP posts:
leavesthataregreen · 08/09/2021 07:19

I agree with a PP. Be happy that he managed to negotiate a teen romance and has coped with it ending. Lots of ASD teens struggle to date. What he's done is impressive.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/09/2021 07:49

@leavesthataregreen - thank you so much!

Thank you everyone I feel so much better about this now!

OP posts:
Neonplant · 08/09/2021 08:23

I think that's really sweet and I'd be really happy. As unfortunately as I'm sure you know social relationships can be challenging for people with autism. So it's lovely despite this he met somone and formed a relationship.

In the not telling you side of things, I think teens are just like this! Just make sure he knows he can come to you if needed. I know it's hard when they grow up, but it's a good thing really op.

notthemum · 08/09/2021 09:16

Hi OP.
Teenagers can be secretive at this age. The fact that he has had a relationship and dealt with it does show that he is growing up and you should feel proud, that in spite of his autism you have given him the confidence to be able to move on. Although he didn't share this one with you, because you are not hassling him over it he may do next time. You are a great mum and he is a lucky young man to have you. Keep doing what you are doing and you won't go far wrong. Take care 💐

Mumdiva99 · 08/09/2021 09:44

It sounds totally normal to me....I wouldn't have told my mum either. Well done on raising a normal teenager.

(In a few years when he gets serious and wants her to stay over in his room....then you will know.)

SprayedWithDettol · 08/09/2021 09:47

I think it’s wonderful that he has the confidence to have a relationship. This is probably the first major life experience he has had unsupported by you. It is a big thing and will give him the tools to navigate future relationships.
Well done you for enabling this and lots of hugs as he works through his emotions.

BuckyBarnesArm · 08/09/2021 09:52

I needed to read this! I have a very secretive ASD dd aged 16. She tells me very little about her Iife but I she has told me she's not interested in a relationship and considers boys to be "idiots"Shock However I too, get a bit hurt and dramatic about not knowing anything about her life and need to back off so it was really useful to read these responses. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it irl.

TheChiefJo · 08/09/2021 10:57

@leavesthataregreen

I agree with a PP. Be happy that he managed to negotiate a teen romance and has coped with it ending. Lots of ASD teens struggle to date. What he's done is impressive.
What pp says here. I put YABU, because it's a good thing that he's having relationships and developing a sense of privacy but don't be hard on yourself for feeling a bit sad. Our feelings aren't always rational but they are natural. Just make sure he gets good general advice about relationships and that he knows he can trust you when he needs to.
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/09/2021 20:54

@Neonplant - thank you. The thing I'm wondering now is do I tell him I know? Or would that make him uncomfortable?

@notthemum - that just made me cry,! Thank you so much!
@Mumdiva99 - noted, thank you!
@SprayedWithDettol - thank you so much - more tears!

@BuckyBarnesArm - I'm glad this thread was helpful! It's hard isn't it?!
@TheChiefJo - thank you!

It feels like such a milestone in him growing up! My baby is growing up! Thank you, all for your kind words Flowers

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