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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset by my boyfriends reaction to something.

20 replies

LittleMissV989 · 07/09/2021 22:38

Hello everyone.
I really need some help here. So earlier on today I told my boyfriend that I would do his washing for him ( we don't own a house but I have been living at his place for about 6 months or so ) I had made plans to go out and the washing hadn't finished so I obviously didn't hang it up. When I got back it was dark. My boyfriend hadn't hung it up but instead has been very annoyed with me ever since that I didn't do it when I said I would. Saying I don't stick to my promises I got annoyed by this and explained he could have hung it out himself I said we could do it together but he wasn't having any of it. He's also very drunk 🥴. AIBU to be upset by his reaction?

OP posts:
Monestera · 07/09/2021 22:45

I’d be irritated if DP said he’d do the laundry and then timed his day so that it was sat damp in the machine all day.

EL8888 · 07/09/2021 22:46

You did part of it. Couldn’t he do the rest?

Sydendad · 07/09/2021 22:50

I think it's petty of him to get upset about it. And I do think your right to say if it annoyed him that much that he could have hung it. A relationship is a partnership where the parties should help each other out and pick up things if the other couldn't do it. He can however have a point if you promised this and you repeatedly fail to do it. You are however not his maid nor should you feel like or be made to feel like you need to pay him with house work to stay in his house. Push back and make it clear you won't become his maid just because he owns the house or pays more for where you live.

chillied · 07/09/2021 22:54

I wouldn't have kids with him, put it that way. You need a team player to do that, someone who doesn't use housework to score points somehow.

Snoozer11 · 07/09/2021 22:58

One of the things I really can't stand is my wet, clean clothes sitting in the washing machine for a length of time.

The damp smell is so difficult to get rid of and ruins clothes. I never put a load in if I can't guarantee I'll be around to hang it up. If I do need to do something, I'll wait for it to finish.

He may be overreacting but I think YABU to have offered to do something and then only done half a job and possibly caused problems. You knew you had plans to head out so you should have washed the clothes earlier or waited until you got back.

I realise you meant well but I used to work with someone who absolutely reeked of damp. Ever since I've been paranoid that I might have the same problem and be blissfully unaware.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 07/09/2021 23:00

He didn't have time to hang his own washing but did have time to get drunk and annoyed at you for not doing so...
RUN.

Mrstwiddle · 07/09/2021 23:02

I’d be annoyed at you too tbh, what’s the point in doing half a job? Regardless, he shouldn’t be drunk/obviously annoyed.

takehomepay · 07/09/2021 23:04

First of all, he should do his own bloody washing.

However, I hate my washing sitting in the machine. I plan a load to end whilst I’m at home, if I need to go out I don’t put a load on.

Did you know he was going to be home? I’d have texted him telling him he needs to hang the washing.

DH wouldn’t wait to be told, he would have hung the washing out.

HeddaGarbled · 07/09/2021 23:06

Lesson learned - don’t offer to do your boyfriend’s laundry. He’s perfectly capable of doing his own.

Totallydefeated · 07/09/2021 23:07

Tell him he needs to do his own washing in future.

Elieza · 07/09/2021 23:07

I’d have done it well before I went out. Like I promised.

However if it took hours longer than expected then I’d suggest you should have explained that it was still in the machine and why, and could he hang it up.

Him getting drunk if he was annoyed over a washing is not ideal. Doesn’t bode well. It was only a washing ffs. No need to get miroculous!!

dovesandroses · 07/09/2021 23:08

Yanbu he's starting to try control you, he noticed but didn't do anything about himself now he's drunk and being an idiot sounds like the start of a toxic relationship, I'd look to move out.

LublinToDublin · 07/09/2021 23:08

When did he get home?

LizzieSiddal · 07/09/2021 23:11

Agree with PP, if he had time to get drunk he had time to hang his washing out.

Is he this nasty about other things in your relationship?

BloomingTrees · 07/09/2021 23:12

As an OP said don't have DC with him. Me and DH tag team on jobs around the house -washing machine finished hang it out, dishwasher finished, empty it etc

You want a partner who'll just get on with it.

WeAllHaveWings · 07/09/2021 23:13

@Monestera

I’d be irritated if DP said he’d do the laundry and then timed his day so that it was sat damp in the machine all day.
I agree with this partly.

I would take the washing out and hang it up. I would thank dh for putting on but say don't put on again is his time is tight and it is going to end up sitting there damp.

I certainly wouldn't be sulk, exaggerate about broken promises and get pissed on a Tuesday night.

OP, is this normal behaviour for him? You know if isnt acceptable don't you?

FOJN · 07/09/2021 23:13

He thought you'd do it but then didn't hang it out himself when he realised you hadn't and now he's pissed off. Don't ever offer to do it for him again is the take away lesson from this experience. I'd get rid him to be honest but I have a very low tolerance for wankerish behaviour.

QuinceTamarillo · 07/09/2021 23:16

Did he not know it was still in the washer and think you had hung it out but didn't check? I might have left a note saying you had to run out before the washing finished and could he rescue it from the dryer and hang it out?

I said we could do it together but he wasn't having any of it. OK; guess he'll be naked then. Or damp.

Nannyamc · 07/09/2021 23:18

Hope he has 2 arms so he can do it himself. Very thoughtful of you to wash it.

Chloemol · 07/09/2021 23:21

I would just leave him to it, let him sort his own washing in future

Look at this as a lesson on how he is likely to behave in future, you have now been warned

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