To worry about DS?

[FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo]

He started reception yesterday. He was the only child of that intake (30) in floods of tears before I was eventually able to pass him to a teacher. But he’s been at nursery since he was 1 - 1 day per week for the first year and then increased to 3 at age 2.

He did have a great day and was excited to go back but I worry he’s a little bit scared and nervous.

He used to come home from nursery and sometimes make comments like ‘I’m just shy, mummy’. I hate the word shy. It was used to me constantly and became a self-fulfilling prophecy. So I worry he’ll always be a bit reserved and it will continue in the future - he’ll end up being capable but often overlooked because nobody notices him.

I am projecting a lot. I was smart enough and quiet so got overlooked at lot. My year head in secondary school never remembered my name. Actually, lots of people didn’t know my name. I once got left in hiding in a game of hide and seek with a childcare provider because they just forgot me. I was so painfully ‘shy’ and quiet that it caused a lot of problems - including future rebelling.

So yes, I’m projecting but I don’t want him to be in that situation. Am I right to worry? And what can I do to grow confidence in him?

So reassure him, some people find new things and big groups of people easy and enjoyable, some people find it harder. Remind him that every new thing is exciting and a bit scary, I expect you felt the same on your first day at work.
Lots of people feel shy but don't have to let shyness stop them doing what they want to do. Celebrate with him if he had a good day, spoke up in class, made a friend, tried new things. Tell him he is brave!

He's an introvert and there's nothing wrong with that. The term 'shy' is silly and annoying.

I'd get him to try lots of different activities and try to find out what he's good at. The more he does, the more his confidence will grow as he acquires new skills and knowledge.

I'd ask the staff in school not to tell him he's shy as he's picking up on it. It's a very judgemental term and outdated now.

My child is shy
I was shy
I don't like saying she's shy either. She does say she's shy herself. But I think she's picked that up from some others saying it sometimes. Yes maybe me saying she's shy won't make her shy but still, I don't like it.
Honestly I think if people show tendencies like this, it is who they are really
But I put her down for classes eg gymnastics, beavers etc etc. A lot of the time if I'd given her the choice she'd say no so I make the decision for her. She does like it. And sometimes she can be shy in these classes. But I believe it all helps her.
And there's been many A time she'd hang back shy teary at the start but I didn't give her a choice. I gently encouraged her in. I do think all these experiences help

I'm Scotland so been back a few weeks now. My few teary ones are fine now and just take my hand into the school. I swear it stops about 3 minutes into the classroom. The parents definitely feel worse than the children!

And shy isnt a bad word. She can feel shy. But being labelled as shy isnt ok. Its an emotion not a state of being. Try to reframe it to her as im feeling shy in a particular situation. Not I am shy. Might make her feel a bit more powerful. I can be sad sometimes but Im not a sad person. What would we do to help if you felt sad? What shall we do to help you not feel shy?

I don't think I've ever heard 'shy' being used as an emotion before
You only hear it being used to describe a person

Nothing wrong with being shy or reserved or indeed finding it difficult. Lots of kids were crying and refusing to go into year 1 yesterday, at dd's lovely gentle school, despite trotting into reception happily last year. It's a big thing

Really? I can sometimes feel shy in challenging situations, but I'm not a shy person by nature. I felt shy at a wedding with my newish partner because everyone else knew each other and Infound it hard to strike up conversation or join in but I was prefectly confident at a new training course with 20.strangers. i don't think personality labels are terribly helpful to anyone.

I don't disagree with you about personality traits not being helpful (as in my post earlier)
Just saying that I've never heard it as an emotion I only ever hear it to describe a person

I think ‘shy’ is unhelpful because it seems to be an easy catch-all to deal with quiet child and the label provides no support to coax them out of it. ‘Oh, X doesn’t want to participate because they are just shy’, etc.

When I know I DID want to participate but struggled finding spaces to talk. So I don’t think it’s helpful.

I suppose I might be a little irrational but I do worry about it causing him some problems in the future. I just want him to be confident in himself and happy.

I do like the idea of reframing it as a temporary state or mind rather than a personality trait though. That’s really helpful!

I do think it's harder if you're shy
But we've just got to do what we can for them

DS now 8 had always been absolutely fine at nursery but really struggled to settle at school when he went into reception. He didn't properly settle until December if I'm honest. He was in a private nursery from 7 months & school nursery for a year so literally moved one classroom.

It was nosier, the reception teacher shouted a lot as did the TA. Someone suggested to me that he was more aware now of leaving me than when younger.

The turning point of him was being able to play in school whilst I was helping at a PTA event. He was in school, playing with older children & saw the teachers & me all in the same place, all a bit more relaxed. It was a game changer.

First day back today - was the best day at school ever apparently . I'm sure things will settle down op