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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What would you think?

44 replies

Henrietta75 · 07/09/2021 15:52

Started a new job at a relatively new company. I’m an experienced 20 years in this field I work in and have worked in retail, manufacturing, leisure industries doing the same thing. I’ve met a wide variety of people from different backgrounds and I’m the last to judge anyone.
Not long ago one of the companies that provide us with a service, the pair of owner / managers asked to come up and meet me and discuss ways they could help us moving forward.
We have a smart casual vibe in this office but I am dressed smartly as I can without overdoing it.
So ding dong they arrive and I go to fetch them from reception. First time in my life I was speechless at the sight of them:
Two gentlemen aged approx late 40’s both with receding hairlines with rucksacks wearing black shorts, dirty trainers and white vests / white T-shirt’s. I shook their hands and both were nice people over the course of the morning and I looked past their attire until it was time to leave.
Never in a million years would I go to an important client meeting in another city to represent my company dressed like they did.
Am I out of touch with modern day working or they made a mistake?

OP posts:

Original poster

Henrietta75 · 07/09/2021 19:55

Don’t see what’s funny. Don’t judge people until I spoke to them. They were nice people.
I’m just aghast at what they were wearing to attend a business meeting. Owners or employees, laid back or not, make some bleeding effort!
It’s not like they were expected to crawl under desks and pick up servers. My carpenter looked better than them and he came to lay the flooring!

OP posts:

healmebaby · 07/09/2021 20:01

@Henrietta75

Don’t see what’s funny. Don’t judge people until I spoke to them. They were nice people. I’m just aghast at what they were wearing to attend a business meeting. Owners or employees, laid back or not, make some bleeding effort! It’s not like they were expected to crawl under desks and pick up servers. My carpenter looked better than them and he came to lay the flooring!

you literally judged what they were wearing, and then made a judgey thread about it…

HarlanPepper · 07/09/2021 20:03

I think we'll see an end to formal work attire within the next twenty years or so.

WomanStanleyWoman · 07/09/2021 20:13

@Henrietta75

Don’t lose yourself on the receding hairlines that was just to illustrate their approx age and visualise the scene. If they’d had hair past their shoulders or completely bald I wouldn’t have blinked.

They work in IT - does it matter?!!

I feel we are in a professional environment and meeting new clients for the first time - if you can’t be bothered to make an effort what are we expected to think?
This isn’t a zoom call where you are at home and could be sitting in jammies. Goodness me!

I think some standards have dropped and there seems to be an acceptance of it all.

Ah, so you weren’t actually asking ‘AIBU?’ at all - you were convinced you were being reasonable and were looking forward to a chorus of outraged agreement about standards.

I can’t say I’d dress like that for a meeting myself (and I do work in a casual dress company), so I’m not surprised you were surprised. But there’s something quite sneery about your overall posting style. The implication that they were somehow ‘old enough to know better’ because of their receding hairlines. The ‘I’m the last to judge anyone’ comment - there wasn’t an actual ‘but’ following it, but somehow I could still hear it. Now the ‘goodness me!’, as if you can’t quite believe we haven’t all fallen into line with your view.

You say you were dressed smartly ‘as I can without overdoing it’. Why? If you’re in a casual dress company, why mark yourself out by dressing more smartly than everyone else? I had a colleague who used to do this - he wore a shirt and tie every day despite no requirement and everyone else being in T-shirts. He claimed ‘It’s just what I’m used to’ - but something tells me that, if we’d ahead an office attire dress code and someone else ignored it to wear jeans, he’d have been the first to criticise.

EverybodyIsInteresting · 07/09/2021 20:52

I’m just aghast at what they were wearing to attend a business meeting

Aghast?

Yeah, you are right. You are clearly the least judgemental of people

(Oh, and I would have thought that 'late 40's' would illustrate their approximate age perfectly well without needing to add the 'receding hairline' bit)

SunShinesBrightly · 07/09/2021 20:58

They work in IT - does it matter?!!

Some of the scruffiest men I have worked with are in the IT department! That’s beside the point though. Do they know their stuff? Are they good at their job? Was the meeting productive? If so, force yourself to overlook their lack of shiny shoes.

Original poster

Henrietta75 · 07/09/2021 21:03

No I wasn’t asking if I was AIBU, I was asking am I out of touch or they made a mistake.

The implication to know better - well yeah! Logical isn’t it? As opposed to a younger person that may not realise and cannot draw on experience.

I’m the last to judge - I moved past their attire after 2 seconds and said they were nice people.

The goodness me is MY incredulity not expecting everyone to agree with me - I don’t have a superiority complex. People disagree, great - reasoned debate.

By not overdoing I don’t wear formal as if going to an interview clothes but I don’t wear ripped jeans either to the office.

I have a colleague who wears dungarees to work, I don’t think she’d be wearing that if she was meeting an important client that day.

I think there’s dressing for every situation but in my opinion I don’t think they exercised the best judgement on meeting an important client dressed the way they were.

OP posts:

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/09/2021 21:06

They're middleaged guys who work in IT.

It's absolutely normal for the IT sector to not focus upon what somebody looks like, but their ability to do the job.

I'm only surprised that there wasn't at least one wearing a knackered Black Sabbath T-shirt and a bandana.

EverybodyIsInteresting · 07/09/2021 21:10

I moved past their attire after 2 seconds and said they were nice people

sst1234 · 07/09/2021 22:10

Still don’t understand what your point is OP? What does their attire have to do with the the product or service they sell? Why are you so hung up on what to wear when meeting clients? It sounds like a antiquated attitude.

SunShinesBrightly · 07/09/2021 22:11

No I wasn’t asking if I was AIBU, I was asking am I out of touch or they made a mistake.

Then don’t post in AIBU

SunShinesBrightly · 07/09/2021 22:16

I don’t think they exercised the best judgement on meeting an important client dressed the way they were

Maybe they know their worth:

‘Hire us or don’t hire us, we’re the best in the business and we have clients queuing up for our services. We don’t need shiny shoes to prove we can do our job’.

Something like that.

WomanStanleyWoman · 07/09/2021 23:13

No I wasn’t asking if I was AIBU, I was asking am I out of touch or they made a mistake.

Okay then - so it’s not that you thought you were being reasonable and were annoyed at being told otherwise. You thought it was their mistake, and you’re annoyed at being told you’re out of touch.

CouldIhaveaword · 08/09/2021 00:16

Ah well OP, take heart. For all of the people jumping on the thread to take a swing at you, the voting shows that the silent majority are on your side.

WorraLiberty · 08/09/2021 00:23

Yeah this post doesn't cover you in glory either, as lots of people have receding hairlines aged 21 and upwards.

If you think their ages are relevant (not sure why though??) then why not just post their approximate ages?

Original poster

Henrietta75 · 08/09/2021 11:58

What drivel!
Let’s be honest here 99% of you wouldn’t have dressed the way they did in similar circumstances despite the sanctimonious this-is-how-it-is-now or we-dont-judge bull.
I’m not hung up - I was just surprised and now gauged reaction, means to some it’s ok. We have a couple more coming to see us - a Marketing agency and a Design company, I am intrigued now to see their dress code in meeting us compared to the previous pair.

OP posts:

EverybodyIsInteresting · 08/09/2021 18:25

Let’s be honest here 99% of you wouldn’t have dressed the way they did in similar circumstances despite the sanctimonious this-is-how-it-is-now or we-dont-judge bull

Sanctimonious? You really are the gift that keeps on giving.

How I, or anyone else, on this thread would dress is entirely irrelevant. Unless you think they should have worn a dress with knee high boots...

Don't post in AIBU oLIf you aren't willing to be told YABU.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 08/09/2021 19:14

@Henrietta75

What drivel! Let’s be honest here 99% of you wouldn’t have dressed the way they did in similar circumstances despite the sanctimonious this-is-how-it-is-now or we-dont-judge bull. I’m not hung up - I was just surprised and now gauged reaction, means to some it’s ok. We have a couple more coming to see us - a Marketing agency and a Design company, I am intrigued now to see their dress code in meeting us compared to the previous pair.

Different, obviously. Completely different sectors, all about Corporate and Appearances, rather than getting the main server to run without falling over three times a day and working at 3am Monday morning to get the email one back up for 6am.

(Their IT guys are just as likely to be in jeans and t-shirts, by the way)

Royalbloo · 08/09/2021 19:31

Some of the most talented people I've ever worked with looked like they didn't care. Because they didn't. They were al exceptional.

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