I don't know what to do

[LostTheWill10]

NC for this and posting here for traffic. I don't really know where to begin. I'm feeling very fragile at the moment so please be gentle. I have a 2.5yr old DS and a DH. For about 6 months DS has been waking up before 6am (going to bed anywhere between 6.30/7pm) but recently has been screaming at bedtime and won't go to sleep until 10pm and then getting up at 5/5.30am. We are utterly exhausted. Last night I completely lost it and burst into tears (not in front of DS) and let out everything to my DH. The fact I hate being a mum, feeling like I want to leave, feeling exhausted after faking being happy about being a mum for so long, that having DS was the biggest mistake of my life, feeling like I simply just want to kill myself. The thing is, my DS is what would be described as a pretty 'easy baby/child'. Has slept through since 6 weeks (up until 6 months ago he would sleep until 7am which was a dream), fairly happy most of the time and no particular issues except the sleep. My DH is fantastic, he does his fair share of the cleaning, cooking, washing and childcare whilst working FT. I also work FT in a fairly stressful job and have DS 1 day a week to save on childcare costs. I don't enjoy looking after him, I find all the play very dull and boring and I'm very tired of the constant whinging and crying over nothing. My heart literally aches for my life before him where I can do whatever I pleased with no responsibility for anyone else. My DH was really sad after my outburst of feelings, he's sad for me but he's not a big talker and other than saying "you're a fab mum" he doesn't really know what else to say. I can't talk to anyone else, my mum is of the opinion if I talk to a professional then my DS will be taken away from us so I feel scared (and ashamed) of saying anything. I'm sorry for the brain dump, I just have no idea what to do - I'm stuck and feel I have no way out. Has anyone else felt like this? How have you made things better?

Definitely agree that Social Sevices will not snatch your baby for admitting you're struggling.

I do feel so bad for you OP. I felt the same when my first DS was born. I enjoyed being a mum so much more when my DS2 was born. Which was incidentally around the age your DC is now.

Working full time with a young child is exhausting. There is no break from work to just relax. Do you get much time to be on your own and do something for you? Do you get a workfree/child free day at all? I think that is the place to start. Even if it means that on a weekend, DH takes DC out alone for the day and you do the same on the other day.

I should say, I found it so much easier when my second DC was born because I was home all of the time on maternity leave. I was able to just be mum. I wasn't trying to be who I was before, trying to keep up with work as well etc. I moved into a part time role working evenings around DH's hours which meant I was home in the day time too. Plus my job was one I could switch off from at the end of the evening.

I'm not going to lie, that got harder when my eldest went to school and I hardly saw him. But as life changed again I was able to go full time Monday to Friday and find a better work life balance that worked for us again.

How did it go with the GP ? I hope they were supportive.

Sorry I didn't come back yesterday, I was so exhausted. Thank you again for all the lovely comments and suggestions. I did speak to the GP and they've signposted me to some resources which felt like a bit of a fob off but I'm going through the motions and will go back again if I don't feel any better in a day or so. We had another horrific night last night but my DH and I have already spoken and we've been tackling the sleep issues together as a team and supporting eachother. I don't know what I'd do without my DH. Thank you all again, it's really helped knowing I'm not alone in this and that SS won't be knocking on my door for feeling the way I do.

You need sleep. Ask your doctor if they can prescribe Melatonin for the baby. It was life-changing for us.

Have you managed to speak to your GP yet? Ask nursery to drop his naps. It’s probably about time for him.

Sleep is your friend, and you will be better off getting to bed at the same time as him, and embracing the early mornings. Try for the next week to go to sleep at 8 with him. Lights out, snuggles in your bed. Get up with him at 6.

My biggest mistake with my first was faffing for hours of an evening trying to get him to sleep in his own bed, and again trying to get him back to sleep in the morning. Huge waste of time and energy getting frustrated. I now snuggle dc3 until they fall asleep. If that means I fall asleep too and miss an evening of Netflix, so be it!

If you can’t increase childcare, then use your day with dc to have a stupidly busy day out of the house. Pack a picnic and leave the house the same time as your partner. Picnics, swimming, mums groups, shopping, walks, do as much as possible. Being out will help you mentally.

Know you are not alone. I cut my mat leave short and increased my hours for the reason that I cannot cope being at home on my own. I’m less anxious, more productive and happy for it.

I also think you should take a few days off work and just chill, or do some self care (haircut, walk, swim, sleep, read). If you don’t have holiday to take, ask your GP if he could sign you off for a few days. Mental health is really important.