To be annoyed that medical stuff assumed my marital status?

[NeedingAGoodNap]

Recently did a stay at a sleep school with my dp and our 1 year old dd. We are not in the UK.

All the staff kept referring to my partner as my husband but we are not married. They also always referred to me as baby “name” mother whilst my partner was “needsANap”s husband”. It was even written on our meal labels!

I know it’s so minor but I was surprised that medically trained people would just assume this! Why wasn’t my partner referred to as baby’s “name” father? It just seems strange

So instead of assuming he's your husband, you'd like them to assume he's the baby's father?

People say husband if they're unsure and don't want to offend. It's not their business to be asking for exact legal details. Especially not in the UK - if using international English, they will v often say husband. Not to offend you.

I'm wondering if the work they're providing you is registered under the baby's record and if this is the reason for some of this. For family interventions there's usual a named patient target than a named whole family.

Which country are you in? We get the same where we are, but it’s understandable as here you have to be married to have a baby together.

Depending on the country it might be less common there to have children with someone you are not married to.

What would you prefer? “Hello Susan and her Baby-Daddy”?

I've always had the reverse in the UK. Always a right on assumption that I have a partner not a husband.

I never minded being called Susan or Peter's mum. I did mind being "mum" but really I think he's should use people's own names.

When my DD was born, I still had my XH name. Now DH (DDs dad) and I weren't married. We wanted to register DD with Dad's GP, not mine.
The hospital INSISTED she was Baby XH name, and my GP registered her automatically as Name XHname.
It took me six months, endless phone calls and polite letters and one snotty ranting letter to get them to a)take her off their books and b) admit there was no such person. It was ridiculous.
She had all her checks, HV visits, immunisation etc at her GP, and we got letter after letter with thinly veiled threats and warnings of fire consequences of we "continued to neglect her welfare"
I never really knew if it was institutionalised idiocy, "computer says no" or staff incompetence, but it was very frustrating!
Keep pointing it out every time @NeedingAGoodNap and hope they cotton on eventually!

“What would you prefer? “Hello Susan and her Baby-Daddy”?”

Susan and her partner?

This is really a very minor thing to be annoyed by, get over it. Whatever they say, someone is guaranteed to be offended by it 🙄

What country are you in? Cultural acceptance of non-marital parenthood varies tremendously. In some, it would be so incredibly insulting to ask a woman there with a baby and the baby's father that it's not worth it, since that's irrelevant to any treatment. In others, having a child outside of marriage is illegal, so of course they'd rather not wade into those waters.

It seems trivial to me and maybe you should just appreciate the effort they make for you and your child. Focus on what matters.

Where I am we say partner and then we are corrected by people who prefer husband (not all married people do). I had assumed this was standard but clearly not.

Pom bear the hospital didn’t INSIST your baby had your baby had your exhusband’s name, they rightly and safely used YOUR name so that baby and mum (the two patients) can be clearly identified and linked. This occurs also when married women use their own names rather than their married names but the baby will have dad’s name after leaving hospital, for the same reason.

So what? Seriously, so what?
Did you learn how to help your baby sleep?

I've just been in hospital with my dd. They referred to my ex as my husband. It never occurred to me to correct them or be bothered. What difference does it make? They helped my dd. That's what matters.

If you feel this strongly you need to use your voice and tell them how to address you. Really wouldn’t bother me

To be fair if you are getting no sleep stuff like this likely to get to you more!

Perhaps they are trying to be kind and not audibly risk making someone uncomfortable if other couples would be 'husband and wife' when talked about and you would be the only one named 'partners'? I expect they don't care in the slightest.

Then they have to remember 3 names instead of 1. I work in a school and it’s almost impossible to remember the name of every parent. We try really hard to remember the child’s name! So it’s ‘bob’s mum’ ‘Bob’s dad’ ‘Bob’s grandma’

Yawn

If the baby is the patient, they will know that name. You can't expect them to memorise all the family names. To bloody busy. I learn my patient names, the rest of the family are Mr xx if the son or Miss xx if the daughter. Then as time goes by and I see them more often I learn names.
Sometimes they will tell me the name to use, other times they don't. In the great scheme of things it's not the end of the world.

Meh, i have a disabled child, im constantly referred to as "mum" what does mum think etc, its irritating but 8n the great scheme of things a minor irritation.