I had my first baby almost 6 months ago. He was 3months premature and had to spend 8 weeks in hospital. During this time i could only visit him from 1pm until 7pm everyday but i had to leave when dad did his visit (only 1 parent at a time due to covid).
Ds was 2 days old before I got to hold him for the first time.
At my 20 week scan they also found a heart defect. Right sided aortic arch, thankfully this hasn't developed but he will be monitored throughout his life.
2 weeks ago he was back in hospital and they found kidney stones in both kidneys. He is due lithotripsy to try crush the stones in October. He also has reflux and struggles with feeds.
He had ROP in his eyes and had laser procedure while still in the maternity hospital. He still has regular check ups for this too.
He has been through so much and he is such a little Angel, so good and smiley and trying to chat to us.
My problem is that my friends are planning nights out since Irish Covid restrictions have eased and pubs opened. They are also planning trips away before xmas, concerts in different counties and hen parties abroad etc. I am not ready to leave my son yet. I know he is almost 6 months old (technically 3months old "corrected" as the doctors say) but I feel like i wasnt there enough for the first 8 weeks because I couldnt stay with him and could only hold him for a few mins a day when a midwife took him out of his incubator and handed him to me. Then everything else on top of that just makes me panic at the thoughts of leaving him, like a fear that something else will happen and I wont be there for him.
I should probably mention that I had an anxiety attack 4 days after he was born as I was due to be discharged from the hospital myself. I was kept in for 2 additional days getting ECGs and CT scans because I couldn't breath and had chest pains. All down to the fear of going home without my baby.
Any advice on how to get over my fear or how to explain this to friends so that they understand please??