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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not ready to leave

9 replies

EmmaLFC · 07/09/2021 00:07

I had my first baby almost 6 months ago. He was 3months premature and had to spend 8 weeks in hospital. During this time i could only visit him from 1pm until 7pm everyday but i had to leave when dad did his visit (only 1 parent at a time due to covid).
Ds was 2 days old before I got to hold him for the first time.
At my 20 week scan they also found a heart defect. Right sided aortic arch, thankfully this hasn't developed but he will be monitored throughout his life.
2 weeks ago he was back in hospital and they found kidney stones in both kidneys. He is due lithotripsy to try crush the stones in October. He also has reflux and struggles with feeds.
He had ROP in his eyes and had laser procedure while still in the maternity hospital. He still has regular check ups for this too.
He has been through so much and he is such a little Angel, so good and smiley and trying to chat to us.
My problem is that my friends are planning nights out since Irish Covid restrictions have eased and pubs opened. They are also planning trips away before xmas, concerts in different counties and hen parties abroad etc. I am not ready to leave my son yet. I know he is almost 6 months old (technically 3months old "corrected" as the doctors say) but I feel like i wasnt there enough for the first 8 weeks because I couldnt stay with him and could only hold him for a few mins a day when a midwife took him out of his incubator and handed him to me. Then everything else on top of that just makes me panic at the thoughts of leaving him, like a fear that something else will happen and I wont be there for him.
I should probably mention that I had an anxiety attack 4 days after he was born as I was due to be discharged from the hospital myself. I was kept in for 2 additional days getting ECGs and CT scans because I couldn't breath and had chest pains. All down to the fear of going home without my baby.
Any advice on how to get over my fear or how to explain this to friends so that they understand please??

OP posts:
Maskless · 07/09/2021 00:34

Just say "I don't feel ready to leave my baby".

End of.

It's not acceptable for anyone to argue with what YOU want for YOUR life and YOUR baby.

LaurenKelsey · 07/09/2021 00:38

You are a new mother of a vulnerable infant and that is your priority, not concerts, bar hopping and otherwise entertaining yourself. Your friends may not get it but who cares? You don’t need to apologize to anyone. It should need no explanation.

LaurenKelsey · 07/09/2021 00:42

I can’t believe anyone would think you’re being unreasonable. 🤣

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 07/09/2021 00:47

OP anyone who doesn't understand why you wouldn't want to leave your baby yet after all that isn't a good friend anyway. You stay with your DS if you want to. It's really understandable, and it's normal even for parents who haven't had a poorly baby like you have. It's only a problem if it starts to get unhealthy and too much for you or your DS and DP, but right now it isn't, and your baby is still too young for it to not be normal to not want to leave him for trips away.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 07/09/2021 00:49

You're friends will understand, and if they don'tthen they're the unusual people. Don't feel bad about this.

Suzi888 · 07/09/2021 03:47

Of course you won’t want to go, I’m not sure many would in those circumstances. Just say no, they’re not your friends if they judge you for it.

Dragon50 · 07/09/2021 05:24

You’ve both been through so much.

Flowers

Just tell them you cannot make it. No need for in-depth explanation.

AMCoffeePMWine · 07/09/2021 05:34

Please go easy on yourself. You have a vulnerable baby, and you’ve been thru so much. Whoever voted you were being unreasonable is way off here.

BorisWhoHackedAtYourMop · 07/09/2021 05:38

So sorry to hear what you and your baby have been going through. Flowers
Please don’t waste any of your precious energy and time worrying about what others might think. You need to concentrate on your baby and are making the right choice.
You shouldn’t need to make any detailed explanations to your friends, they should fully understand you can’t join them for however many weeks or months. There will be plenty more outings you can go on with them when the time is right. Plus I expect you aren’t yet in the right frame of mind anyway with all the stress you’ve been under.
Good friends won’t be pushy or offended, they will completely understand and support you no matter what.

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