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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not like other people's kids?

74 replies

needabreaknoww · 06/09/2021 22:15

Can honestly say I don't like anyone else's kids except for my own. I don't know if something is wrong me or whether other people are like this?

In some ways I feel bad we spent Sunday with OH's nephews who are 7&9 and I just can't bare them. I'm polite and make an effort but I just don't warm to them.

I absolutely adore my own kids and love them to pieces. But that is about as far as it goes, even with mums at school they are always saying how cute DS is and how much of a heartbreaker he is going to be but I have no interest in their kids.

Am I weird? Is something wrong with me? I don't know.

OP posts:

DeeCeeCherry · 07/09/2021 05:19

I like children. I get on with them well enough. Some children are annoying, especially if their parents have spoilt them. But some adults are annoying too. It's a people thing.

I wonder if your children or their friends and relatives pick up on this? I suppose you'll be swerved if they/their parents notice; which is cool for you but not so for your children.

Is it deemed achingly cool on MN for mothers to pipe up that they like their children, but not other people's? Sounds overbearing 'my kids are my world and better than all other kids' style.

The usual caveat 'oh I'm sure people don't like my children (as if that's a badge of honour) doesn't ring true.

Still, hopefully you keep your dislike well reigned in and don't upset children by showing it.

Especially if your children are young/primary school age, forming friendships as they go through school life. Being stoney-faced around their friends will be crap for their social life

Fridafever · 07/09/2021 05:29

I like children in a similar ratio to adults - I like most of them and generally get along fine with them.

Finding children “pathetic” is really weird and intolerant.

AwkwardSquad · 07/09/2021 06:03

I like spending time with children, they’re generally interesting and often funny. I like finding out about the way they interpret the world and I love it when they tell you Very Important Things in that earnest way. I don’t have children so maybe it’s because my reservoir of patience hasn’t been exhausted by my own!

StickyThighs · 07/09/2021 06:06

Kids are far nicer than adults in my experience.

2ndMrsdeWinter · 07/09/2021 06:19

Personally, I find it to be a patience issue. I have 3dc and I’m a teacher so I find that my patience reserves are running low by the time it comes to dealing with children that are either not my own or not my professional responsibility.

However, I do find that I prefer teenagers to very small children. Teenagers are brilliant.

Mistyplanet · 07/09/2021 06:23

I think this is a sad thread to read. You seem to have little empathy or warmth. You dont have to love everyones child like your own but a bit of empathy for these kids who are innocent and vulnerable in this world wouldn't go amiss. I think you need to work on your own character and become a bit kinder.

JustGiveMeGin · 07/09/2021 06:38

I am not a kid person at all (first baby I held in my life was my own!) but I find it really odd when people say they only like there own children.
I like my nephews (both ADHD and hard work by anyone's standards). My friends kids are an extension of them so I like them too. My kids are at the age where they have their friends round a lot, I like their friends too!
Kids are just people, how do you cope when your children want to have their friends over or go to parties if you don't like anyone under the age of 18?

FizzyDibdab · 07/09/2021 06:53

Most of these people who dislike children other than their own seem to have forgotten that they were kids themselves once............

malificent7 · 07/09/2021 06:58

I csn't imagine not loving my nephews though...i afore mine even though i am glad to let their mum do the hard work!

malificent7 · 07/09/2021 06:58

Adore*

Bagelsandbrie · 07/09/2021 07:17

I like most children in theory- I mean I will be nice to them and think they’re generally sweet and appreciate their honesty and innocence etc but most of them are super annoying, yes.

noprofessional · 07/09/2021 07:18

Yanbu
I don't have time for other people's kids, especially badly behaved ones.
It's the same with dogs too. People assume because you have a dog you're a general "dog person", love all dogs and will tolerate their badly behaved mutt slobbering all over you. No thank you. I like my kids and my dog.

ttcissoboring · 07/09/2021 08:46

OP, I for years convinced myself I shouldn't have children because of this - exactly what you've said. I really don't like other people's children. I then decided that shouldn't be a reason because as your post suggests I'll likely have much higher tolerance for my own.

My friends have all had children recently and I don't fake it - I can tell they expect me to be much cooey over their kids or more interested but I just...don't care.

I decided one day I'm not faking anymore, I'll be polite and ask about them but I'm not going to invite the kids out with us because, well - it's annoying.

It does mean I see my friends less though

SpamThief · 07/09/2021 10:08

My friends have all had children recently and I don't fake it - I can tell they expect me to be much cooey over their kids or more interested but I just...don't care.

Sounds like you go out of your way to show your disdain for your friends' kids. Such weird behaviour.

I'm not surprised you see your friends less. They probably find you a total ballache.

ttcissoboring · 07/09/2021 22:07

@SpamThief I genuinely don't go out of my way to be unkind at all, I just don't pretend / there's a difference

Karmagoat · 07/09/2021 22:33

Yanbu, I have little to no interest in other people's children and wouldn't expect anyone to have any interest in mine. My tolerance of kids has definitely got worse as I've gotten older, they're mostly really fucking annoying.
Tbh I'm not a huge fan of people in general, much prefer animals

CFEC · 07/09/2021 22:49

Can’t believe some of these replies, YANBU OP and if this was posted on a men’s forum I think you’d probably get the majority of posters saying YANBU.

I never get the niece/ nephew thing either tbh. I can understand if you’re very close to your sibling that you might in turn be close to their offspring, but we know from threads on here on a daily basis that a lot of people aren’t close with/ don’t get on with their siblings so if they don’t see their niece or nephew often, or just find them annoying/ badly behaved etc in general then it’s no wonder some people extend their indifference to their niece/ nephew. Just because they’re vaguely blood doesn’t really make a lot of difference.

I don’t mind older children , like 10+ that you can have a proper conversation with. But 2 year olds for instance, they’re so hard to understand with the gobbling/ gabbling, they demand their parent’s attention constantly so it’s impossible to have a conversation. Basically it’s just irritating.

I hate the assumption that because you have a vagina you should automatically be gaga about other people’s kids.

ttcissoboring · 07/09/2021 22:56

I hate the assumption that because you have a vagina you should automatically be gaga about other people’s kids.

EXACTLY this.

I stopped pretending to want to hold peoples babies a long time ago. Whenever me and DH go to someone's house after baby is born noone ever asks if he wishes to hold the baby, why?

Why because I'm a woman I'm expected to want to hold a baby after it's born? I don't, but it's acceptable for DH not to give a shit.

Because I have a vagina it means I'm considered a cold cow! Maybe I am

ttcissoboring · 07/09/2021 22:57

@CFEC agree that 10+ is where it's at.

Also I quite like babies under 2 when they're cute!

It's 2-8 years I find most annoying of other peoples kids.

SpamThief · 07/09/2021 23:00

I can't say I've ever gone 'gaga about random kids I just don't assume I'm going to dislike other people's kids. Which is what the OP's post is actually about. Nothing to do with having a fanny. Just as I don't assume I'll dislike most adults I come in contact with. Although of course that's another MN trope, refusing to answer the door in case there's a human there requiring interaction.

FalconQueen · 07/09/2021 23:03

Someone once told me that kids are like farts - you love your own but hate other people's

Kanaloa · 07/09/2021 23:13

Nobody is suggesting anyone with a vagina needs to be ‘gaga’ over other people’s children and desperately want to hold new babies.

Just that it’s a bit odd to say you dislike every single child based entirely on their age.

zingally · 08/09/2021 14:03

The only kids I care about are my own, and my best friends DD and DS, who I see very regularly.

I don't have any nieces or nephews, but my cousins have a herd of kids I see a couple of times a year. I don't have any interest in them.

I wrote my Will recently. Left a small about to best friends DCs, and none to the cousins kids, which my mum found really weird.
"But they're relations!?"
To which I replied "So what?! The younger ones don't even know my name!"

Doomscrolling · 08/09/2021 14:12

Children are just people; I love a few, like many, can’t be doing with some.

Babies, however… I always want a go on a baby. I miss having babies, it was a lovely stage. Having a cuddle and a coo over a baby is ace.

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