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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say something?

18 replies

Rhinestoneribbons · 06/09/2021 22:09

Just looking for a general consensus on if I'm being unreasonable about a situation that has unfolded over the last few months.

What would you do in this situation? You have one dc with a dp who is extremely jealous, very volatile, stalks and harasses friends social media and constantly calls if they don't know the wearabouts of their dp.
Has put a tracker on their dps device, has a major problem when it comes to the other parent (ex) calling or having any contact with their dp, they also harass and stalk the ex.
Aways locking/kicking dp out of the house for any given reason, as they're not a named tenant.
Also giving their dp time limits on when they are allowed to see their other dc.

I'm pretty sure I know what the outcome will be.

OP posts:

Original poster

Rhinestoneribbons · 06/09/2021 23:09

Anyone?

OP posts:

Thedogscollar · 06/09/2021 23:10

I'd be moving heaven and earth to get my dc away from this controlling and abusive lunatic.

ANameChangeAgain · 06/09/2021 23:13

You know the answer. He is an abuser. Do you have somewhere safe you and your child can go?

Original poster

Rhinestoneribbons · 06/09/2021 23:16

This isn't about me and the person doing this isn't a man.

OP posts:

hulahooper2 · 06/09/2021 23:18

Help your dc to leave…ASAP

Original poster

Rhinestoneribbons · 06/09/2021 23:20

I just found out alot of this from a close friend who is friends with my exdp, I knew some of it but not to this extent.
I've advised him to leave, but he won't and I'm not sure if he's being blind to the fact that he is being abused or he is genuinely ok with how their relationship is.
At this point in time I have stopped any contact with my dc, if it means coming into contact with any abuse, however I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

OP posts:

Thedogscollar · 06/09/2021 23:21

As children are involved I'd be reporting to police and social services.
If what you are saying is happening this is a massive safeguarding issue.

Original poster

Rhinestoneribbons · 06/09/2021 23:21

It has caused a lot of arguments over the last week.

OP posts:

KingdomScrolls · 06/09/2021 23:22

Is this your ex partner being advised by their new partner and your child has witnessed/experienced this?

Original poster

Rhinestoneribbons · 06/09/2021 23:22

I've already reported the harassment towards me, however as I don't know anything about the other person or where they live i can't inform social services or anyone else.

OP posts:

KingdomScrolls · 06/09/2021 23:23

*abused not advised sorry

Original poster

Rhinestoneribbons · 06/09/2021 23:24

Yes it's my ex, my dc as far as I'm aware have only been witness to the being locked out of the house.

OP posts:

YouBringLightInToADarkPlace · 06/09/2021 23:29

Maybe I'm being slow but I'm really confused... is this your ex partner, father of your child, and the crazy one is his new girlfriend? It's a bit convoluted.

Thedogscollar · 06/09/2021 23:30

If your dc has witnessed the locking out of the house are they too young to give you the full address?
I can completely understand you not wanting to let your dc be involved any further in this domestic abuse.

Merryoldgoat · 06/09/2021 23:36

Your ex is in a controlling/abusive relationship with a woman.

The woman and your ex have a child.

The woman is harassing you and limiting the time your ex can spend with your joint child.

The woman is using tracking devices on your ex.

Is that it?

If so you need to stop contact at their house and leave them to it. Offer your ex support to leave if he wants it but don’t allow your child to be exposed to the abuse.

Original poster

Rhinestoneribbons · 06/09/2021 23:38

@YouBringLightInToADarkPlace Yes it is.
I'm sorry for being vague, but I don't want to give out to many outing details.

Oldest dc is 10, but wouldn't know how or where they live. I've tried speaking to other friends and family and nobody knows where they live either.

I really don't know what else to do.

OP posts:

Thedogscollar · 06/09/2021 23:52

I don't think that there is much is much that you can do. Obviously can put your ex in touch with support groups for DA. It is then up to him to see that this jz nota healthy relationship.
He surely must understand that you cannot let your child be exposed to this behaviour.
If your ex wants to see dc then it will have to be on neutral ground with the abusive partner nowhere to be seen.

Original poster

Rhinestoneribbons · 07/09/2021 00:01

That is exactly what I have said. I would never dream of stopping contact with their dad, but I cannot allow them to be in an abusive environment. I don't know what goes on and as I don't question them when they come home, only asking if they've had a nice time.

I'm actually quite shocked that dd hasn't said anything as she's usually the first one to over share things, which is what's making me feel as though I might not be making the best decision as I don't know what else they've seen or heard.

OP posts:

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