To ask the wise folk on MN to give me a kick up the arse and sort myself out!

[Trevatine]

Regular but name changed. I am getting so frustrated with myself and I’m fed up of feeling shit. I need to gather some motivation and willpower from somewhere and sort my shit out and I’m hoping this will be a start. This is long and probably self-absorbed and tedious but here goes. Please give me a kick up the arse.

I am still well over a stone overweight from the birth of my DC2 6 months ago (still on maternity leave) but am doing pretty much nothing about it, eat junk food and sweet things everyday and no proper meals, don’t drink enough or do enough exercise then feel knackered and terrible all day. And guilty. And fat.

I have an expensive gym membership, all the home kit for Pilates and yoga and pay for online class access and don’t do any of it. Currently sitting eating cocopops on MN.

I’m completely disorganised and when the kids are in bed just crash out with no energy at all, then wait until the last minute to drag myself out of bed in the morning and the day starts in a stressful mad scramble. I can’t be bothered with anyone or anything past 8pm. I don’t talk to my DH and he is upset about it. Our sex life is non existent, which also makes me feel guilty and terrible. My husband is lovely, funny, and attractive and I just have no interest. I am mostly interested in sleeping. I’d like to go to a nice hotel on my own for a weekend and just sleep. I don’t even want to share a bed. He is being pretty understanding about it all really but I can see he is concerned about the state of things between us. I have nothing really to talk about either, I don’t read the news, or take an interest in current affairs or know what’s going on in the world. Any free time is generally spent internet shopping or browsing nothing on MN.

I leave everything until the last minute or miss it altogether then feel bad about it and / or the consequences. Everything is half done and sloppy, which again makes me feel guilty and shit.

DC1 who is 2 is getting an increasingly boring range of activities as I can’t be bothered. Also getting very fussy with food and I can’t deal with the battle so also has a boring and not great diet. used to eat anything all up and have what I’d consider a very varied and healthy diet.

For context, I used to do things like get up at 5am to exercise, had a very enviable figure, was very mentally sharp and extremely organised, very tidy, highly motivated achiever-type.

I am on citalopram for PND which I think is now well under control, not the first time I’ve been on it as I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety in the past. DH has read this can interfere with libido and is keen to try an alternative. I dont really want to as it is making me feel much better than I was and I don’t want to rock the boat. Because I don’t have any drive, I dont care about not having sex, although I realise that’s not healthy.

I dont even have the tiredness excuse. DC2 has fairly regularly slept through for the past month or so. I still feel just as tired and shit, and now if there is a bad night it totally floors me. I have a child free half day once a week, toddler is at nursery a few days so then it’s just the baby. I don’t have it really hard with a non sleeper or anything like that.

Where do I start??

I should add - I am also getting night sweats and hair coming out in clumps but Gp has given the all clear and can’t find any issues

Aww OP I feel for you! I'm sure the libido issue will be related to how you feel about yourself, and if you can sort a more positive self image your libido will naturally catch up. Could it be hormone related? Are you on the pill?

Other than that the first place I'd start is diet. If you can improve your mood that way, then you're much more likely to exercise etc. Are there activities you can enjoy with your DCs that include exercise for you? Like walking and pushing a double buggy etc? Pick one thing to work on per week (eg no more cocopops lol) and go for it! You've got this

I have just started back on the Depo injection which I was on for many years successfully before starting to TTC.

I agree diet would be a good place to start. I can logically see this but when it comes down to the day to day decisions around it, I eat 3 chocolate bars from the garage and no lunch then am starving and binging again a few hours later :(

I do a short walk with the buggy most days, some days I can’t wait to get back to sit on my phone and shop or sit with a cup of tea and lots of biscuits for as long as I can palm off my poor kids with amusing themselves

@Trevatine I'm the same - thankfully my 2 year old is a terrible snitch so if she catches me eating anything she wants some too so it's good motivation for not snacking too much lol! Do any food swaps appeal? I love finger food so keep grapes and cherry tomatoes and stuff like that around all the time which occasionally stops me reaching for the chocolate it's hard though, especially in your situation with two young DCs.

Hair falling out/ libido issues sounds like thyroid related. I know your GP said 'everything is fine' but I'd be pushing for more tests.

@VimFuego101 what would I be asking for if they had already run blood tests?

@Zapx I actually love lots of fruit, berries, nuts etc and have them all in the house. They mostly get thrown away having gone off. Making me feel even worse.

Have you actually been away for the weekend to sleep? You say that's what you'd like, maybe it's what you need.

I've been in a similar place at various points.
Two pregnancies and births over 3 years is enormously taxing. Think of several ultra marathons, or one a month every month. Your body is still recovering, hence the hair falling out.

Step one- sit with DH and make a plan. The plan is not about sex, it's about getting your life back. Plan steps that he'll support you with- healthy eating, LOTS OF REST, some interesting activities. Think C25k but about life, not running.

Multivitamins
Water
Vegetables
A weekly evening to yourself- out, or in the bath, but no interruptions from DC.
Meal plan together. That is surprisingly helpful- I wasn't a believer until quite recently.
A monthly hello fresh box, to make cooking and shopping easier.

And don't beat yourself up. You've grown a baby out of your own body, using up your own reserves of vitamins and minerals. You've then birthed the baby, fed it, kept it alive... all while the rest of life still goes on.

You're on a damning mix of medication.

Citalopram has awful side effects - the most common including exhaustion, loss of libido and lack of interest in anything.

The depo shot also has these side effects.

I'd look at switching both of these where possible, not coming off them but switching.

Also diet and exercise.

Get yourself a water bottle. Sip it, set alarms on your phone to remind you.

Exercise, start at 5 minutes s day

Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

Also sounds like your 2yr old is going through a badly timed fussy food stage. Most kids do, don't let that add to your stress. Get some kids multivitamin chewies and they'll ensure he has what he needs whilst you slowly work on everything else.

And well done for recognising you want to change. This is the first step. X

Also, ask to see a copy of your results. "Everything fine" can be borderline which in some people is still enough to impact them.

I was "borderline" with my sugar levels. Pushed, spoke to a specialist and now have the medication I need and my life is back .

I feel like a massive hypocrite giving advice I ought to be taking myself but getting yourself well hydrated may start to take the edge off the lethargy, even mild dehydration can have a big effect on energy levels.
Maybe getting an app to control phone time so you have a set period of time to browse and once it is up you have to wait until the next allocated time?
I have found that with sex sometimes you have to fake it till you make it, obviously you shouldn't always have sex just because the other person wants it but I have found that once it gets going it is enjoyable and is just laziness stopping me. And some nice lingerie can make you feel good about yourself (without being too crass about it if you chose crotchless or a dress style then you don't need to take it off and can help feel a bit less self conscious about any wobbly bits/stretchmarks etc).
Just keep taking baby steps, you will get there eventually

Thanks really appreciate all the advice and sorry slow to be back on the thread. Things seem to have come to a bit of a head, I’m going for counselling which is helping. But still having the same issues mostly.

@JustFrustrated I do need to get a copy of the numbers, I’ve just given up a bit and can’t be arsed tbh.