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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be miffed that dh has chosen to go to a football match on his birthday

27 replies

Mangocharm11 · 06/09/2021 20:17

Not sure if I’m being unfair...

It’s my Dh’s 30th next month, it’s also his first birthday with our baby girl. I envisaged a special family day going out somewhere nice, meal out or nice home cooked meal. Anyway he’s chosen to go and watch a football game which is 150 miles away and therefore involves an overnight stay instead. He’s taking our baby with him as well and she’ll be looked after by family whilst he’s at match. Maybe I’m being unfair but I just feel a little sad 😢
Oh and he’s just announced he’s going again the following Saturday too because he’s going out for dinner with some friends but also coincides with another football game Hmm

Just wondering how you would feel?

OP posts:
takehomepay · 06/09/2021 20:19

YANBU, it's a bit shit that he's organised everything to happen away from you. What happens after football, will he have dinner with his family? Didn't he ask you to come?

Do you even want baby to go without you?

Mantlemoose · 06/09/2021 20:20

In terms of it being a birthday I wouldn't be bothered. I do think it's weird he's taking the baby for someone else to look after but if you're OK with that then I'd be chuffed to have a free weekend to do nothing or to meet with friends.

lastqueenofscotland · 06/09/2021 20:20

Taking the baby is a bit weird… but wanting to do something fun (football) and see his family on his 30th isn’t unreasonable.

Quartz2208 · 06/09/2021 20:20

Why on earth are you being left behind

This isnt normal OP that all of this is being done without you

NotYourCupOfTea · 06/09/2021 20:20

His birthday so it’s fine unless you’d rather dd stayed with you. Celebrate his birthday together the next day or something.

You can do your plan for your birthday.

Original poster
Mangocharm11 · 06/09/2021 20:22

Yeah he’ll most likely have dinner with his family. I could go as well but sleeping arrangements at his family’s aren’t good and he didn’t even discuss with me.
Baby has been before - he’s taking her so family can spend time with her. @mantlemoose yes I get that

OP posts:
Original poster
Mangocharm11 · 06/09/2021 20:23

@NotYourCupOfTea if I planned to do something without him on my birthday, he would be very annoyed and would make it clear he was annoyed.

OP posts:
takehomepay · 06/09/2021 20:26

[quote Mangocharm11]@NotYourCupOfTea if I planned to do something without him on my birthday, he would be very annoyed and would make it clear he was annoyed.[/quote]
OP, why do you not feel able to say this to him - 'DH, why have you planned to spend your birthday away from me, with your family and my baby, and yet if I did the same thing you would be annoyed?. I'm not happy with this, as we celebrated my birthday together, we should celebrate yours together too.'

Yodelayhehoo · 06/09/2021 20:26

Why can't you go and you can stay at a hotel together?
It's weird he's taking the baby and not you?

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 06/09/2021 20:26

Why is he taking the baby somewhere for his and hers birthdays without you? My DP's 30th was same day as DD's 1st and I think we just did something for her the day and the next day went to a castle or somewhere he wanted to go. He always says he accepts her birthday is more important. But I can't get my head around both of them being away from you.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 06/09/2021 20:27

Sorry I read it as it's your baby's first birthday as well Confused. I still think it's weird though.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 06/09/2021 20:28

I'd feel delighted.
A night to myself!
Ice cream for dinner, binge watch crap TV and sleep like the dead.

But that's just me and I'm only saying it because you asked how others would feel.

If you aren't happy about it then fair enough. You could go with him even if the sleeping arrangements aren't ideal. It's one night and better than you feeling cross.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 06/09/2021 20:30

Oh yes and definitely point out the double standard and tell him he'd better not dare say a word of complaint when you arrange something just for yourself on your birthday.

joopy79 · 06/09/2021 20:31

Do something for yourself. Enjoy a bit of me time.

Ikeameatballs · 06/09/2021 20:31

I don’t the going away to watch the football odd but everything that you’ve said afterwards is:

He’s told you what’s happening and that he’s taking the baby
You wouldn’t go anyway because of the sleeping arrangements
He’d be annoyed if you did the same

All make it a bit strange and suggest poor communication/consideration.

idontlikealdi · 06/09/2021 20:33

Presumably this will be one of the first opportunities for him to see live football post covid? Odd to take the baby but why don't you just all go and get a hotel?

Fubitch · 06/09/2021 20:37

This is great as you get time off. Start planning what you're going to do. I wouldn't feature my dc in my bday plans tbh, usually look to dump them Grin. However, in this situation I think I would have gone to footie with him, then some bars, then a local hotel. It's bot healthy that he wouldn't be happy for you to do the same, and a bit much that he's away again the next weekend.

rainyskylight · 06/09/2021 20:38

I find it extremely weird that it's not a family trip.

thelegohooverer · 06/09/2021 20:38

I wouldn’t mind dh going to a match for his birthday per se, but we think of ourselves as a family unit and I can’t imagine him organising himself and a baby and not considering it consulting me. He’d be expecting me to come or join him after, and be hurt if I wasn’t.

Was he expecting you to come to his dps and you’re not keen because of sleeping arrangements, or are you not invited?

MintyGreenDream · 06/09/2021 20:42

Get yourself out with your mates if you're home alone or host at yours.It could be fun!

Milkbottlelegs · 06/09/2021 20:45

How old is the baby? My OH have taken DC1 to his parents for the weekend without me, MIL looked after them whilst OH and FIL went to a football match. But DC1 was a bit older at the time and I was asked rather than it assumed I was ok with that.

Wombat96 · 06/09/2021 20:46

My DH didn't book leave so was away with work on his 50th. Still narked.

Antinerak · 06/09/2021 20:53

Celebrate with him another day and let him enjoy it. You can spend his birthday doing something you enjoy. I'm assuming you'll still have the morning with him anyway so plenty of time for presents and a nice breakfast together.

rookiemere · 06/09/2021 20:55

I'd have been delighted if DH had done that when DS was a baby Grin. It's his birthday he gets to choose, although it is a bit rubbish that he's away the following weekend as well.

thecatsthecats · 06/09/2021 21:06

@Mangocharm11

Yeah he’ll most likely have dinner with his family. I could go as well but sleeping arrangements at his family’s aren’t good and he didn’t even discuss with me. Baby has been before - he’s taking her so family can spend time with her. *@mantlemoose* yes I get that
Aren't good as in impossible, or aren't good as in you're unwilling to compromise for yourself in order to facilitate his idea of his preferred birthday?

Just because he's got a child, doesn't mean his birthday needs to fit into some bucolic family day trip that YOU have conjured up.

If the hypocrisy is an issue (and that's an IF... never have an argument based on assumed behaviour), then simply say that his birthday was apart, so yours will be too.