Pregnancy ruining my career reputation?!! What to do?

[ElektraAbundance]

Hello all,

Posting here as I need the vipers to tell me straight!

Started a new job beginning of pandemic when everyone was alternating working from home and being in the office so I never got to know colleagues well. We then went back into office full time in January.

The job is a professional one requiring us all to be registered professionals and dealing with the public. Massive workload, under resourced etc.
If someone goes off, it impacts everyone else.

End of May I became very unwell and ended up in hospital and requiring surgery. I was in for a week and then off my feet completely. I was off work May, June, July for recovery. It couldn't be helped and there was no way to 'work through it'. It was physically impossible to do my job after surgery until recovered.

Work were supportive and sent me gifts and well wishes.

In July I discovered I was pregnant (very happy and planned).

I went back to work in August, though not fully recovered from surgery, I felt able to manage with a smaller workload.

I shit you not, 2 weeks later, I got hypermesis. Constant terrible sickness. Unable to get out of bed type sickness. Had medical intervention and have been put on strong anti sickness medication.

I was then off work with the sickness until beginning of last week.

I went back Tuesday.. Wednesday I started to feel unwell. Thursday I tested positive for covid (I've had the vaccine). So off work again after 2 days in.

I am now very poorly again, in bed. Covid feels like terrible flu and the sickness has come back.

All of these things can't be helped but I do know that I appear flakey, lazy and unreliable. Especially as my colleagues don't know me well.

If this was my last job then I wouldn't be so bothered as I worked there 5 years and was never off so my colleagues and bosses knew me so well and that I'm usually hard working and definitely am ill.

I've had the odd comment from acquaintances outside of work of 'your pregnant, not ill' etc which makes me feel like shit.

A few colleagues did say comments such as 'I was working 60 hours with 2 small kids and 8 months pregnant' etc

My SIL is currently 8 months and telling me how she is currently painting the babies nursery and doing tip runs etc and never missed a day of work.

I know to everyone other than DP who witnesses everything, they must think I'm 'always ill' and 'playing the pregnancy card'

But the surgery and covid just happen to coincide with pregnancy sickness. Bad timing.

I don't know what to do.

I feel like just getting a sick note for 4 weeks and going back after a full month of recovery. I should then be fully recovered from sickness, covid and surgery. Then I can go and work like a horse up until maternity.

The alternative is that I keep popping back in whenever I feel well enough to work like I'm doing but risk going off again and looking more sketchy.

I don't know what to do.

If I could 'pull myself together' I really would. But its physically when I'm both ill and sick.

What would you all do?

Take the time you need to recover. This is the reason pregnancy sickness is protected — it is real. There’s nothing that makes me more angry than people who haven’t experienced difficult pregnancies saying “you’re pregnant, not ill”

The people I know with horrible long Covid all tried to push themselves. They had it mild but then didn’t rest properly. You only have one body and it’s got to last you a life time. It’s also growing another human and then will be feeding another human. You can’t magic a new body or change what is happening. You can only look after yourself as best you can. If people get the wrong idea about you then that’s their stuff. If your work situation is understaffed then that’s the managers problem to solve. All you can do is look after yourself so you can be at your best but pushing yourself to power through isn’t sustainable. Rest and let your body heal. Good luck.

I do feel for you but you are right that it doesn't look good. Not much you can do about it though

I do feel for you but you are right that it doesn't look good

Being pregnant or being ill?

Is HG now on the list of 'unacceptable illnesses' then? Perhaps workplaces should issue lists of the illnesses staff are allowed to have - nice socially acceptable illnesses like sports injuries and bypasses and the unacceptable such as HG, CFS and just about any mental health condition.

Or perhaps workplaces shouldn't discriminate against the sick by failing to manage the workload and then blaming sick staff.

You do realise no job should be that way? And that level of ‘work like a horse’ just wont be sustainable once baby comes?

I’ve been fortunately enough not to experience HG but I believe it involves vomiting upwards of 15-20 times a day, being unable to keep food or water down for weeks, and frequently requires hospitalisation. It sounds absolutely horrific and I can’t even imagine how ill you must be with Covid as well.

I can’t think of any other condition that involves vomiting more than 15-20 times a day where people would feel fine about saying ‘you’re pregnant not ill’ or ‘it doesn’t look good’. Pure misogyny.

OP someone’s mentioned this upthread but it’s worth remembering your employer can’t discriminate against you or subject you to any detriment for pregnancy-related illness. So it doesn’t really matter how it ‘looks’ - people at work can think what they like.

Thanks for all your replies.

They have made me feel a lot better that I'm not alone

@Capricornandproud you are somewhat right. This is the type of career that is non-stop and can be ever so stressful.
I will either go part time or side step once baby is born I think. Not thought that far ahead as it will depend on how I feel which may change