to not do more to support DH's weight loss?

[CoralFish]

DH needs to lose weight. Like many, he has put on a lot in lockdown, and is overweight, but not obese. He often mentions how he feels fat, can't get into his work clothes, needs to lose weight etc. He goes for a run at least twice a week (often more), but I think it's diet that will really help him, so I am focussing on cooking low calorie, healthy meals, at his request. (I do all the cooking.)

The trouble is he always needs takeaway 'treats', and has no concept of portion control. For example, he came in after a couple of drinks and 'needed' a large pepperoni pizza and a large fries takeaway, even though I had made a sensible portion of macaroni cheese for him to soak up the alcohol. Now today he is feeling ill so he 'needed' a MacDonald's for lunch, rather than the salad I was making. Except he had a chicken burger, two large fries and a box of chicken selects.

AIBU to just let him get on with it? This happens at least once a week.I think it genuinely doesn't occur to him to order a smaller pizza, or just one portion of fries.

Obviously I am concerned about his health, but is it my place to be suggesting he order something slightly healthier, or even just a reasonable one-person portion?

but I think it's diet that will really help him...

100% it's diet that will help him.

According to the Macdonald's nutrition (haha!) calculator, what he had for lunch is 1,635 calories.

An average sized runner burns 100 calories per mile.
(Source:healthline.com)

What on earth is he thinking?

You can't cancel out a poor diet by exercising. A lot of people seem to think you can, but you absolutely can't.

Yes it’s diet that will help, he probably -wrongly-thinks that his runs will be enough to burn his calories off.

You can lead a horse to water……..

Is he on Instagram? This guy used to be overweight, he is quite motivational. Maybe seeing it from another man, rather than his wife, will motivate him? My DH is constantly moaning about his weight, he’s currently sitting here stuffing a ring doughnut in his face 🙄
instagram.com/cartergood?utm_medium=copy_link

He's kidding himself. That's a huge amount in macdonalds never mind the pizza.

My DP eats massive take away and treat meals like that at the weekend but he works out Mon-Friday so doesn't gain anything. I think it's pretty normal for guys? Tell him he needs to move about more.

X

Btw - I know it's unhealthy even if he's not gaining any weight.. his body though not mine.

Its not just about the weight gain (or not) it is also about what is happening inside the body. All the processed food that has been mentioned leads to a rise in trans fats, omega 6 imbalance etc. Only a lifestyle change could lead to lasting change. The exercise is good for the heart, especially HDL cholesterol.

You are doing enough by cooking healthy meals. Maybe he should start to do some cooking himself to improve his cooking skills and knowledge of nutrition.

You can’t monitor everything he eats or how much he exercises. Please don’t fall into that trap - he needs to do this himself.

If he is able to use the internet he can work out the calories in a MacDonald’s himself. If you start to tell him, he will turn it into an argument / control battle .

Stand back and let him do this himself. It’s his lifestyle he needs to change.

He'll have to cut out McD entirely. I love McD but it's calorific, fatty and has shit all vits/mins. He might be able to stave off the urge to eat with 400ml water.

Has he tried the MyFitnessPlan app. You can your exercise into it as well as your food and it will give appropriate daily calorie goal.

He seems like he has a serious fast/junk food addiction. He probably isn't someone who can eat a little bit of junk food once in a while like regular people should be able to and still be healthy. Almost needs to be treated like an alcoholic and just completely abstain.. but he needs to come to this realisation himself.

@IM0GEN

You are doing enough by cooking healthy meals. Maybe he should start to do some cooking himself to improve his cooking skills and knowledge of nutrition.

You can’t monitor everything he eats or how much he exercises. Please don’t fall into that trap - he needs to do this himself.

If he is able to use the internet he can work out the calories in a MacDonald’s himself. If you start to tell him, he will turn it into an argument / control battle .

Stand back and let him do this himself. It’s his lifestyle he needs to change.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Because I am doing the meal planning and calorie counting he is oblivious to how bad his takeaways are.

I am reluctant to get him cooking more as I am very happy with the current division of labour.

But maybe I should start telling him how many calories are in the different components of our dinners and lunches, how I’ve adapted recipes to include more vegetables etc. to make him more aware of what he should be eating. (Preparing for some very boring meal time conversations!)

I think i’d have a conversation with him about how wearing it is to listen to him talking about being unhappy, trying to support him by cooking healthier stuff and then he sabotages himself by eating these large junk food portions.

Then in all honesty i’d leave him to it but say unless he is prepared to really make a lifestyle change you don’t want to hear the moaning all the time about his weight. It’s really not fair on you to be using you for emotional venting when he isn’t willing to commit to losing the weight properly.

I've just done an excellent course written by the local dietitians. There was an entire week on restaurant & takeaway food. Also how you can add hundreds of calories through the day by drinking & eating snacks & treats. So interesting.

I actually know loads about nutrition but it was eye-opening.

It was similar to Precision Nutrition's work, so maybe have a look at their resources.

Similar in our house, I have stopped buying treats, as I know we will both eat them. He asks for healthy meals, no problem, it's what I want too.

Then gets take away or eats something before bedtime.

It really pisses me off. So I don't comment on anything now, I will cook a healthy meal, if he complains about lack of weight loss, I just tell him it's not my fault.

YANBU, he is very lucky to have you prepare low calorie meals for him.

You shouldn't have to cajole him into not eating junk or exercising, you're not his mum!

Long but might be worth suggesting to Dh ?

My Dh put on some timber over lockdown and wanted to lose it as I had started sleeping in the spare room due to his snoring

Diets , calorie counting etc just don't work for him as if he feels that he can't have something, he will the immediately want it.

He's lost 1.5 stone since February by doing 5:2 but extreme - so not the 600 cals but nearer 100 cals . Basically he doesn't eat on a Tuesday and Thursday unless we are on holiday .

He has dinner on a Monday night and doesn't have anything except tea with milk in until Wednesday morning . Does the same again Wednesday night until Friday morning . Rest of the week he eats the same food as usual - including the 2 slices of buttered bread that he has with most dinners

Only other switch is he's started drinking the brewdog alcohol free beers and now only has the boozy versions maybe twice a week

He's now a healthy bmi amd doesn't snore . A group of guys at his work have all done it and have lost similar amounts or more. It seems to suit with the all or nothing mentality rather that having to think about what they eat every single time

You're correct. Exercise is certainly helpful, but you can't outrun your fork.

I second suggesting and app that tracks caloric intake and expenditure. I use Loseit!. It will really open his eyes as to the impact of those huge takeaways.

You don't eat takeaways when you're dieting.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Because I am doing the meal planning and calorie counting he is oblivious to how bad his takeaways are

I’d be amazed if he’s the only person in the Uk who doesn’t know that take aways have a lot of calories. There is information about portion size on MacDonald’s website - I assume he can read.

He knows perfectly well. He just doesn’t want to stop eating them.

But maybe I should start telling him how many calories are in the different components of our dinners and lunches, how I’ve adapted recipes to include more vegetables etc. to make him more aware of what he should be eating. (Preparing for some very boring meal time conversations!)

Why on Earth would you do that? It’s not your job to educate him, he’s your husband not your child.

The internet is full of information if he chooses to read it. At the moment the only person who is working on his weight loss is you. You are doing 100% of everything leaving nothing for him.

And he is responding by thwarting your efforts at every turn. He is already turning this into a control issue. He is spoiling what he sees as YOUR diet .

“ So you want me to lose weight and are making me healthy meals? Well I don’t want to, I’m going to spoil your efforts by going to the pub and having carry outs. That will show you that you can’t control me, I will do what I like “.

The more you go on about vegetables, the more pizza he will eat.

I think you need to speak to him about whether he is actually committed to losing weight or not. Not in a judgemental way, just that if he really wants to lose the weight you'll help him by making filling lower calorie meals but he will also need to take control of the food he eats on top of what you have cooked. If you want to you could offer to work out with him how many calories he can consume and still lose weight and what meals/snacks that will allow. If he wants your support in this he needs to agree to stop ordering takeaways.

I say this as an overweight person who would love someone to take the mental load of working out healthy meals to eat everyday and who has also had to accept that if she eats takeaway/chocolate/crisps she will always binge so they need to be pretty much off limits.

You could helpfully look up the calorific value of what he's eating and tell him (200 calories per slice for a medium pepperoni pizza so a full one is 1600) .