Am I able to leave or will I just have to crack on..

[OvertheRainbow2U]

I have a full time job - I also have huge ongoing issues within my family and have had to take some time away on 'the sick' as I became very unwell trying to juggle it all. I think it is referred to as burn out. I do not believe that the family situation will resolve. Well, I know it won't. I am very worried about going back to work as I think I may get into the same awful mental and physical mess. It is a job that I trained hard for, for many years and I also work very hard - this came with the role. I have tried for so long to maintain both the job and help my family. The thought of going through it again scares me silly. Does anybody have any advice? Obviously my main concern at the moment is an income - I doubt I would be eligible for any benefit assistance if I leave. I don't think that my employer will consider reducing my hours either..thanks for reading

I have no advice op, other than to step back from the family issues wherever you can, but here is a hopeful bump for you.

Unless the family issues are to do with your DH or DC, you should step away from them, for the sake of your own health. Then hopefully you will be OK in your job

If you can afford to leave and are happy to do so then do.
But you should also share the burden of the family problem with others, regardless of staying in your job or not

If you love your job then I'm afraid your going to have to be very selfish and put yourself first. I don't know if that's possible as I don't know what the family situation is but if it's affecting you so much and the job you have worked hard for then take a step back from your family.

If you are unwell could you request a phased return. A gp can sign the fit note suggesting adjustments like reduced hours, rest breaks, limited duties or Occupational Health could assess. If the situation is longer term possibly a flexible working request would be agreed.

Impossible to say without knowing more about the family issues.

What are the family issues that you can’t step back from?

My family has this stuff. I stepped back because the drama made me unwell. I barely see them but there’s no animosity - I’m just not ‘inner circle’ and it’s great.

Thanks so much for your replies. Youngest son with severe MH issues 23YO, middle son 30YO just split from wife, needs help with care for baby (I really want him to stay in his job), elderly mum - am caring for her. It sounds simple but it really isn't.
Thanks for the suggestion of phased return - that may be an option LIZS.
I crashed and burned - and still feel overwhelmed. I worry about getting back to work but also know that I need to for my own mental health - and to have a half decent income - and a roof over my head. BUT I have to be well to manage this. Due back 23/8. Thanks for reading and replying again all - really appreciate it

I will be blunt.

You need to step back and look at the situation. You are making yourself unwell and nearly jobless by helping everyone so they don't end up unwell or nearly jobless.
You need to stop some of the help.

Agree you are taking on too much though, even so. Your ds2 could pay for childcare, possibly part funded by UC depending on circumstances. Your dm could be entitled to carers, funded through DLA or Attendance Allowance if not state. What mh and financial support can your ds3 receive, Pip? You may want to help them yourself but taking it all on will end up helping noone, not least yourself.

Seek help.

Why does 30 year old need help? His wife and he have split up but that shouldn’t affect childcare? The point of him having his child on xyz days is so he looks after her. Not sure why you have to be involved in that. Plenty single people work and look after dc themselves routinely. What’s his problem? Did exw use to pick up kids from school and now won’t on his days? He should ask for a change in working pattern. His responsibility not yours. Your just the easy option. But it’s not fair on you.

Your mum may be entitled to a care package. Can you look into that? They all say “I don’t want strangers in the house I want you do do it” but just ignore that. Sometimes you can’t get everything you want. That’s life.

Once you step back from those things it will give you a clearer head to deal with youngest dc. What’s causing his mental health issues? How bad are they? Can he get support or medication to help stabilise him?

It’s hard but there is hopefully something you can get to help. You need to work. And if anyone says itherwise just remind them that you have no choice you have to keep a roof over your head and pay bills so you must work. See your own GP for antidepressants to calm your own mood.

You are right - easier said than done but I will definitely think about all these suggestions - the child in question is a baby and my son's employer has indicated that he will not agree to him reducing his working hours - wife gone back to home town around 200 miles away so it is going to be shared care half a week each. My gp has suggested AD's but I don't actually feel depressed - but under pressure and anxious and exhausted. Elieza - thank you - you are spot on - I will have to be stand up and tell it like it is - I need to work - to keep a roof over my head and pay the bills. I did have a chat with middle son earlier to explain the situation and we moved forward a bit regarding my work/working hours.

If 30YO son has to work, he can't have his baby 50/50 can he? He will have to make other arrangements/reduce his time with baby/pay for childcare.

DS with MH issues. Are you a single parent? Is his father on the scene? Can he share the load?

elderly mum - What Elieza said.

You can't do everything. Don't be a martyr, it won't get you anywhere apart from ill and unable to work.

Employers must legally consider time off for their employees for care responsibilities. Employees have the right to request part time work if they have kids.

His employer may be breaking the law if he is not giving this request proper consideration. Your son should submit his request in writing. You may find that he has not followed policy and it’s been in informal chat with a boss rather than a formal procedure via HR. Or he’s just run to you with tales of woe as he doesn’t want to change his routine and hasn’t even asked?

Are their women in his place who are part time? If so it could be argued the employer is sexist against your son.

I’d be suggesting to your son he does some Googling about employer rights, childcare etc. Or looks into after school care. While you will want to do the best for your son and help where you can now and again, this is not your problem to fix. He has to come up with a plan. Asking his mum as it’s the easy option which enables him to not have to change his life while you change your for HIS kid isn’t a viable answer. His wife may have worked part time so she could do after school care. Now he knows what it’s like. Hard. It will make him a better man. If he can’t manage half the week he may have to do more kid care at the weekend if the wife can do more drop offs or pickups during the week?

Re anti-d’s. Although you may not feel depressed these can be used for anxiety and can be helpful to get us through tricky patches. Or try alternatives like walking more or meditation. They gave me energy!

Hopefully things will fall into place soon and you can get back to normal.