To think that "I understand where you're coming from" is a PA statement

[Feelingmardy]

YABU - no it is not PA and it is a perfectly reasonable statement

YANBU - it is PA

Of course it's going to be followed by a 'but'. You wouldn't say 'I understand where you're coming from and you're right' you would just agree. It's a way of showing you understand why they have come to their conclusion but you have come to a different conclusion, perhaps because you have more information. A lot would depend on context and how much the outcome mattered and whether a balance of power was involved.

Sounds nitpicky, OP.

Not PA at all. It shows understanding, and very often is followed by a helpful solution.

YABU. It’s a validation of your feelings.

Fuck me, is everything being redefined as passive aggressive now? There was a thread on here the other day saying a single thumbs up emoji actually means fuck off. It’s getting impossible to navigate.

It's a perfectly normal statement and not PA at all. They are acknowledging your point of view even though they don't agree with it.

Passive aggressive would be if they pretended to agree with you and then undermined you behind your back, or something like that.

I understand where you're coming from, OP.

I don’t think it’s passive aggressive as such. It’s more that British people are often deeply uncomfortable with saying “no, I disagree” or “you’re wrong”. So it’s a way of softening the disagreement; basically, “your view is valid, albeit wrong”, I guess.

@DynamoKev

Fuck me, is everything being redefined as passive aggressive now? There was a thread on here the other day saying a single thumbs up emoji actually means fuck off. It’s getting impossible to navigate.

That is so true. Communication was never this complicated!

It's the polite way to call someone a fucking moron.

Or it is a genuine showing of empathy and understanding

Context is key

It's not passive aggressive, it's just a pre-cursor to telling you that they think you're wrong.

You can disagree with someone without being aggressive.

I am going to conduct an experiment. Although I never use the phrase, I think, this week I am going to say to dp eg
I understand where you are coming from and I will push the rubbish down better in the bin’ (I will not say ‘but it needs to be taken out rather than compacted here’)

or even
IUWYACF - I hadn’t thought of it that way.
I’m going to have to choose carefully the issues when I conduct experiment.
I suspect dp will then ask me if I am ok (and IWSWDPWCF).

It's not even someone responding to your POV but disagreeing with it. It can also be "oh, I hadn't thought of it that way"

I'm struggling to even think of a context where it might be potentially PA.

www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/where-someone-is-coming-from

dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/know-see-where-sb-is-coming-from