to feel bad for my kids that we have no family

[BeachDrifting]

We have no close extended family. No family get together. Weddings. Family at my kids birthdays. It’s just the 4 of us all the time. On our own. I see other people’s social media and their celebrations every weekend. My best mate has 20 family members over to her house every weekend. Where did I go wrong? We don’t even have anything close to that and no possibility of it. I feel like I’m living life wrong. How do I get what they’ve got? How do I get that big extended family thing for my kids? It makes me feel incredibly depressed. Every weekend I feel lonely. Can I ask how others with no extended family cope. What do you do to fill the gap?

We've never had big family gatherings either, but I don't think we're missing out. DD has only one grandparent still alive who we only saw 3 times a year even before lockdown as she isn't interested in being a hands on GP (she's about 3 hours away anyway). DH has one relative still alive, who is about 5 hours away and whom we haven't seen since 2018, although they speak on the phone a couple of times a year. I have a sibling who has a family, but they're 4 hours away in a third(!) direction and we used to see them twice a year before Covid. DD has cousins but she barely knows them.

I did initially struggle with this when I had DD - I seemed to be surrounded by people who had loads of family support whereas we were struggling
on our own. My family were so totally useless and unsupportive at this time that it really made me stop and think about what I wanted our lives to be like. DD has never had a party with anyone other than me and DH there.

So DD has Godparents who are close friends. They aren't currently local but we will be moving near some of them soon and it'll be such a relief to have mutual support around. I am involved in some community stuff, although in my experience they tend to want a lot from you in terms of time so be careful it's something you really want to do!

And remember, your kids will have no idea - their reality is what happens now.

Growing up - we didn't have any cousins or aunts and uncles. Although we saw relatives a lot they were all ancient great aunts and uncles and we had to be on best behaviour, sitting still, not talking so it was pretty deadly. It always felt like Christmas etc was arranged around them. So I was determined not to do the same for DD and to give her Godparents who were a similar age to us and who have children who can be 'stand-in' cousins. It has advantages as they tend to be people who parent in a similar way to us and who we're obviously got a lot in common with.

My grandparents, parents and only sibling have passed away. My children have no aunts or uncles, no cousins. There is no one but me.

I get so pissed off when people complain about the littlest things....invites, family childcare issues etc. They dont have a clue how lucky they are.

We have proxy family.

Godparents. Mine fill the same role as DHs Aunts and Uncles. Have for years. Their children are like cousins.

Old family friends of multiple generations. We meet as whole families for get togethers a few times a year. Plus holidays.

We created our own family.

I have no family outside immediate people but have a big family. DH has loads of blood relatives who we never see. Go figure.

We don't have much family close by now that in - laws have passed away. My family and DH's closest sister and her family all live 250+ miles away so we only get to see them a few times a year.
Our friends have become like a family, we feel very settled where we live and are very involved in the local community. We spend most weekends with friends, at least one afternoon/evening sometimes more and have people round to ours or we are invited to theirs or meet up for a meal or day out etc etc.
Are you friends with any of the parents of your DC's friends? If so invite them round for an evening, get involved in local community activities and nuture good friendships. A busy and active social life can fill that gap and i am sure good friends will be happy to be part of the DC birthday celebrations.

We are in a similar situation OP, although I don't feel guilt, just a bit of sadness. Both mine and DH's parents have passed away, and my side of the family is just me. DH has siblings, but due to distance and their circumstances we see them and their DCs twice a year. We have compensated by having 'chosen family' (close friends), and embedding ourselves in our community both socially and through volunteering. Perhaps because 'birds of a feather...', my close friends are all in a similar position either through losing family or them being in another country. As a result we all see each other as an extended family, which is wonderful.
The DCs are happy with their network. Although I know they would both love to have a grandparent or more around, they are content.

I grew up with even less family than my DCs have, but the only thing I really felt was missing was a sibling. I never missed not having aunts/uncles/cousins, but no sibling was a big gap. I have hoped to solve that by having 2 DCs. It's not a given that they will offer each other companionship, but so far so good. Since my DM passed away, I have also kept in touch with a few of her close friends (her 'chosen family'), and I find that feels like it gives a connection of family. They look out for me in a way I would expect an aunt to. I hope my DCs will have that too from any of my friends that survive me.

I know how you feel. I have no one. I work from home, I have a daughter aged 15. No family anymore. Christmas is the worst as it's the two of us and the longest day in the world.