To ask what you are supposed to do when your kids are ill? *trigger warning for emetophobes*

[JazzerMcCreary]

Child has just started vomiting profusely. Bug going around so it’s almost definitely that. I’ve just messaged my boss to give them the heads up. They’ve basically said the team is too small and they can’t/won’t grant carers leave. Nursery obviously won’t have child until 48 hours after last episode. DH is self employed and relies heavily on reputation/word of mouth/being seen as reliable, plus won’t make any money if he’s not working. No one is going to volunteer to look after a sick child obviously.

So I either have to lie and say I’m sick, knowing full well I’m probably going to come down with it anyway, having been puked all over (already feel nauseous but unsure if that’s just due to having to smell it). Or go into work (probably contagious, working with potentially vulnerable people, although at least wearing PPE) leaving DH at home with the child for three days (and I assume his sister as can’t imagine nursery will be thrilled to have her if her brother is unwell), completely fucking his business for the week.

I 100% appreciate that it’s massively inconvenient for everyone but what am I actually supposed to do? What do people normally do in these situations? My sickness record is actually very good and I’m not considered a slacker so it’s not like this is a frequent occurrence!

You snd your dh do it between you or you use a willing relative if you're lucky enough to have any nearby.

As you already feel nauseous and are probably infectious, I’d call in sick.

PPE and nausea aren’t a good combination. I’m shocked your boss would potentially let you spread something like norovirus rather than grant leave!

We take it in turns and/or work from home and/or work from home (I've just worked 5-11pm for a week rather than my usual 10-4) although I appreciate not everyone has a job that allows this kind of flexibility!

Personally I think husband should take the hit on this one tbh.

What have you done every other time your child is sick???

You take turns with DH. Take one of your holidays or unpaid leave if need be. Don’t lie and call in sick unless you get sick as that is a sackable offence if they catch you.

@Elouera

What have you done every other time your child is sick???

It’s not a frequent problem. In fact he’s never had a sickness bug. General coughs and colds grandparents will help out with usually if needed. DH and I usually share the load by doing a day or two each but having been told I won’t be able to take any carers leave, I’m a bit flummoxed!

I think your husband should be stepping in for this one too.

I'd definitely take the younger one to nursery.

You are legally entitled to time off to look after a dependent in an emergency though, so I would go back to your manager and say you will need to split the time off with your DH. Unless you really are coming down with it (and it’s not a given).

Male partners should be the defaults for taking time off as women take the hit of maternity leave

I know everyone can't do this - but I became a sahm and this was one of the reasons. It was better financially for us as a family for dh to be 100% committed to his work, than both of us trying to work. I think we worked out if he had to take one day off per 6 months (only paid if worked) it was the equivalent cash to the profit from my work minus childcare for an entire 6 months!

@SunbathingDragon

You are legally entitled to time off to look after a dependent in an emergency though, so I would go back to your manager and say you will need to split the time off with your DH. Unless you really are coming down with it (and it’s not a given).

But are you entitled to paid time off? I thought U.K. law was you are entitled to the time off, but not paid time off, ie carers leave.

@StrangeToSee

As you already feel nauseous and are probably infectious, I’d call in sick.

PPE and nausea aren’t a good combination. I’m shocked your boss would potentially let you spread something like norovirus rather than grant leave!

But op didn't tell her employer she felt ill. She said one of her children was ill.

OP, they do have to give you time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependent, but they don't have to pay you.

You aren't entitled to carers leave so assume you would need to take it as holiday or unpaid. Dh and I would try to split the days evenly if at all possible but when tiny my boss was understanding that I still bf so dd would often only want me when still actively unwell

@arethereanyleftatall

I know everyone can't do this - but I became a sahm and this was one of the reasons. It was better financially for us as a family for dh to be 100% committed to his work, than both of us trying to work. I think we worked out if he had to take one day off per 6 months (only paid if worked) it was the equivalent cash to the profit from my work minus childcare for an entire 6 months!

That's not desperately helpful to the OP..........

@pianolessons1
She literally asked 'what do people do?' That's what we did.

Has DH got work booked in tomorrow? Id suggest he has her tomorrow, and you plan to have her Tuesday. It will have to be unpaid but that unfortunately is life. It might be a 24 hour bug, it might pass to DSibling (and yes id keep them both off) and then keep alternating days

All irrelevant now. I’m sick as a dog.

You should have just presumed you were going to get sick! Because now they probably won’t believe you.

You are entitled to unpaid time off for emergencies with dependents, I am pretty sure

Bit naughty of them, really.

I also had to give up my career for bit for this. DH was self employed and my kids in childcare (nursery) were constantly sick through the winter months. Now they're older I'm back on track, but there is no way I could be on carers leave for 20 to 30% of the winter. DS1 had influenza one year and was barely out of bed for three weeks.

@MeredithGreyishblue time off for caring emergencies would not extend for the 3-5 days she might need (given nurseries require 48hours clear before going back). It's for time to make other arrangements, not to do all the caring herself. So the first day would be fine, unlikely beyond that.

I have an employee who would let me work from home or take annual leave after my emergency leave alllowance was used up.

DH has the same and a lot more leave (6 weeks plus BH) so he usually does the sickness.

It’s very tough and good employers are thin on the ground.

They’ve basically said the team is too small and they can’t/won’t grant carers leave.

I know you’re sick now anyway, but it’s the manager’s issue not yours, if they can’t cover absent staff. See what your work policy says. My DH can take unpaid carers leave if needed. Hope you feel better soon.

I’ve just always had to take sick days which isn’t great for the career but what can you do.

Never have I been given it as “carers leave” even when I was nhs and the managers knew it wasn’t me that was ill.

Sorry your both ill nothing worse