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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a Christmas one!

16 replies

RazorSharp · 05/09/2021 17:16

So......

My DB is married and his DW has four children. One of those has children, so my "step niece and nephew?"

I'm not massively close to them, but they've eaten in my house, we've WhatsApp messaged about the odd thing, friendly but not really close.

The two children are born very close to Christmas, one the 23rd December and one the 28th December. So it's a really busy time, which I understand.

I always send presents for birthday and Christmas (four clearly separate presents, I would never mix the birthdays and Christmas and lump them in together). I also send birthday cards and Christmas card (one for the whole family).

I get nothing from them...... not even a WhatsApp thank you, one message for all four presents would be fine. It would take 1 minute. I understand not everyone sends Christmas cards, so the fact we don't receive one is not an issue.

So

AIBU to just not bother this year?

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 05/09/2021 17:18

I’d probably just send a Christmas card and a box of sweets / biscuits as a family gift , however YANBU to not bother at all .

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/09/2021 17:35

I’d send a card. I don’t give to receive but a lack of a thank you would make me think twice about gifting again,

Original poster
RazorSharp · 05/09/2021 17:40

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I’d send a card. I don’t give to receive but a lack of a thank you would make me think twice about gifting again,
I agree, in no way do I expect a gift, not even a token one. But just a simple, J&J loved their gifts, thank you.

Apparently, one of the gifts we sent last year was "awesome" as fed back to my DSIL, but they didn't bother to tell us!

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 05/09/2021 17:58

No, I wouldn't bother. So rude not to even mention getting a birthday / Christmas gift.

PumpkinPatch21 · 05/09/2021 18:00

Nah I wouldn't send anything more either. My Nieces are the same - never a thank you just expected it. Soon stopped that.

Payproblems · 05/09/2021 18:12

Op no one buys for my dc.. I'm always extremely grateful when someone puts some thought in and does... I usually what's app them holding the gift etc.

I'd send cards and choclate only. You could put a tenner in each card but then you'd probably have to carry that on so maybe just chocs

Original poster
RazorSharp · 05/09/2021 18:15

@Payproblems

Op no one buys for my dc.. I'm always extremely grateful when someone puts some thought in and does... I usually what's app them holding the gift etc.

I'd send cards and choclate only. You could put a tenner in each card but then you'd probably have to carry that on so maybe just chocs

I also have a friend (much younger than me) and I'm honorary aunt. She sends a photo of everything I buy, he calls me and says thank you.

I'm sorry no one buys for your DC.

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 05/09/2021 18:22

I wouldn't be sending gifts at all. No doubt they get gifts from their parents siblings therefore won't be missing out. They don't need gifts from step aunts/uncles too. And the fact they don't even bother with a thank you would make me stop regardless of whether they were nieces/nephews or step nieces/nephews. Send a Christmas card/birthday card and save your money for yourself.

HungryHippo11 · 05/09/2021 18:24

I wouldn't bother. I've had enough of my nephews never saying thank you or even acknowledging a gift, I'm planning to give up on sending this year but not sure how to tell their parents without seeming tight (they're younger, under 10).

Original poster
RazorSharp · 05/09/2021 18:26

@HungryHippo11

I wouldn't bother. I've had enough of my nephews never saying thank you or even acknowledging a gift, I'm planning to give up on sending this year but not sure how to tell their parents without seeming tight (they're younger, under 10).
These children are too young to message etc, but honestly a two line WhatsApp from their mum and dad is fine.

I just think I actually go to a lot of effort. I realise that both of their birthdays are "winter" but try to sometimes get summer toys as they also need them.

Hence why I'm thinking about presents for them now.

OP posts:
DontBeAHaterDear · 05/09/2021 18:28

Nah don’t bother anymore and send a card and box of biscuits or something for them all to share. I don’t give to receive but nor am I a mug and have personally stopped bothering with presents for people who don’t even acknowledge they’ve received them.

Original poster
RazorSharp · 05/09/2021 18:30

Mum or dad, not mum and dad!

🙄

OP posts:
loopylindi · 05/09/2021 18:30

Thanks for this- it's helped make up my mind for this year.
I've already bought a few bits but I know all the gneices and nephew prefer money. Over the years we've spent a lot on gifts and have thought of imaginative wrapping but no appreciation from any of them. So cash it is. Thanks

Original poster
RazorSharp · 05/09/2021 18:32

@loopylindi

Thanks for this- it's helped make up my mind for this year. I've already bought a few bits but I know all the gneices and nephew prefer money. Over the years we've spent a lot on gifts and have thought of imaginative wrapping but no appreciation from any of them. So cash it is. Thanks
I deffo won't send cash, it's not about the choosing (which I like; even though I put of lot of thought into it), it's the fact that I don't get a thank you.
OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 05/09/2021 18:32

@HungryHippo11

I wouldn't bother. I've had enough of my nephews never saying thank you or even acknowledging a gift, I'm planning to give up on sending this year but not sure how to tell their parents without seeming tight (they're younger, under 10).
Just send a text now stating 'We just wish to let you all know that this Christmas we won't be partaking in gift exchanges' (even if they don't buy for you). They'll probably think it's been sent to a few people and at least they'll know not to expect anything.
Notaroadrunner · 05/09/2021 18:34

@loopylindi

Thanks for this- it's helped make up my mind for this year. I've already bought a few bits but I know all the gneices and nephew prefer money. Over the years we've spent a lot on gifts and have thought of imaginative wrapping but no appreciation from any of them. So cash it is. Thanks
With no appreciation I wouldn't even bother with the cash.
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