To consider moving further away from my inlaws but closer to my family?

[Baddaughterinlaw]

Oh dear, this morning the balloon well and truly went up when I told my inlaws we are thinking of moving further out.

All the plus points are huge, great school, land to charge about in, bigger house etc and also half and hour closer to my family who would still be another hour away, but my brother will be ten mins away and is about to have a baby and we would like the children to know each other as they grow up.

Negatives, long commute for DH and further from inlaws who are already 3.5 hours away, this would mean they are 4 hours away.
They are seriously pissed off with us!
Problem is, they spent the whole of my DH's life moving around so DH feels stronly that our DS should grow up in one place and have roots. It has all come to a head as we would be commiting to the next school in April and we aren't sure about the long term ramifications of that.

Am waiting MiL to ring to vent her spleen, FiL has already done so!

Oh dear oh dear, not what you want this close to christmas!

You have to do what you think is best for you and your children. Not what's best for other people.

I'm sure if your PIL are ever in trouble, you'll be there for them.

But you can't let them dictate to you where you live. That's v. controlling of them. And out of order.

My parents simply support whatever decision DH and I make for our family. They don't feel the need to criticise. Probably because they understand that we do what we feel is best. That might not be best for them but as adults, they understand that our world doesn't revolve around them.

Unfortunatly they are a tad selfish so this is going to be fun!

frankly, tell them to mind their own business - no doubt they did what they thought best for their young family, now you are doing whats best for yours!

it's only another 30 minutes away! - i would mention that the other alternative is sidney australia, that should shut them up

Put a pen and pad by the phone so you can do something useful while she gets it off her chest!

WW sums it up perfectly - don't feel bad, put your family unit first. Sounds like a lovely situation to move to to me.

It is a lovely move and it might not come off, but we wanted to tell them even that we are considering it as it would be wrong to keep them in the dark.

no

No. I did precisely that at the beginning of this year, best thing we ever did.

Frankly if they're already a considerable distance away at 3.5 hours drive I don't see that an extra half hour is going to make much difference.

I could understand their objections more if you were moving 4 hours away when at present you lived 10 minutes away. However, even then a normal person would perhaps express disappointment at most (though it'd be most polite to wish you well and keep schtum) rather than try to make you feel bad about it.

Plus, of course, it is none of their business and you have to do what you feel is best for your immediate family, i.e. you, Dh & kids.

Inlaws are being insane. There is no difference for them if they are 3.5 hours or 4 hours away

They are bonkers. You are sane. Once you get beyond 2 hours-ish then all bets are off as you can't do there and back in a day. Half an hour FFS!!!
New area sounds lovely by the way.

Hmm, it appears it is not about the distance, it is about going further from them and closer to my family - pathetic behaviour. MiL now not talking to me (of course this is all my fault) strains of we wish you a merry christmas fading into strained silence...

We moved last year from 20 minutes away from my parents to 2.5 - 3 hours away. My mum didn't want us to go but she understood that we had to do what was right for us as a family. We needed to get the equity out of our old house - we are now mortgage free - and get our dd out of a school where she had suffered bullying and disruption for 3 years.

Sometimes you just have to do what is best for you.

If you weren't thinking of moving nearer your parents would MIL be happier or is she just difficult?

They are totally insane and selfish.
Is your dh their only child - if he isn't then do they expect all the siblings to live an equal distance from them and their in-laws? Did they live equal distance from your DH's 2 sets of grandparents?
As others have said, your only priority is to do the best for your family - where you live is none of their business.

Larry5 ? yes the problem is we will be close to my family but also 2mins from an aunt in their family who my MiL hates with a passion and is extremly bitter about us getting on so well with her

Oh and by the way DH's brother is about to move to Boston, but he is single and we have the only grandchild (who they rarely bloody visit) My sodding DH is twitchy as he knows his parents are upset but I suspect hasn't got the guts to really tell them how it is, so that will come down to me and I will be the devil incarnate

1/2 an hour doesn't add much to a 3 1/2 journey but it does sound as if your quaility of life would be vasty improved so go for it, they will clam down eventually.

Do you know what, I suddenly feel really, really grateful to live in a family where expression of emotion just plain doesn't happen.

If someone says something emotional in our family we all just go silent and stare at the floor until someone else starts a new conversation. Can i recommend this approach? It may lead to your children needing therapy in later life, but that's hardly your problem is it?

Best wishes for your move...

It's up to you where you live. Bugger the inla ws

choosy. A familiar scenario

very controlling of them. Sounds a familiar scenario to mine - controlling in laws, a husband who wont stand up to his parents and you as the devil incarnate and the route of all problems.
Do whatever the hell you and your family want. No doubt they did. Ps - like your MNet name !!

Thank you mousemole, considering cutting my head off before I get really pissed off and say something really vile to them. Self mutilation is easier than falling out with my inlaws!