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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be progressively more annoyed that our blinkin christmas work do is taking 2 days of my life !

24 replies

rookiemater · 03/12/2007 13:43

I don't want to give out all the details in case anyoen from work is on here, but I am getting really annoyed about this the closer it gets.

This week on Wed I need to get up for transport at 6.20am to travel down for an afternoon conference followed by an evening do which won't finish until at least 1.00am.

The next days transport back isn't leaving until 11.30am ( presumably because lots of people will be hungover boo hoo poor them) and we won't get in until 5.30pm, I will then have to make my way home and won't be back probably until around 7pm.

This means I miss out on two nights with DS, and its meant to be a blinking treat on works behalf.

Whoever organised the transport clearly doesn't have any family commitments, or if they do doen't care about anyone elses. It is optional, but optional in the way that if you don't go everyone will talk about you and how you haven't been the same since you had the baby, although I probably wouldn't want to go even if I was single as it involves spending 6 sodding hours each way with work colleagues.

AIBU to think that I'd rather go with my local team for a meal out.

OP posts:

SantaBeClausImWorthIt · 03/12/2007 13:45

Yes YABU! It's Christmas ffs. Just lighten up and enjoy it. You're being treated to a once-a-year party.

cornsilk · 03/12/2007 13:48

yabu! It's paid for - enjoy!

Original poster

rookiemater · 03/12/2007 13:50

Oh darn, I was expecting everyone to agree with me. Its not so much the do itself I'm annoyed about its the travelling. Given a choice would you spend 6 hours one day travelling and then back again the next ?

OP posts:

Katisha · 03/12/2007 13:51

No YANBU and I just wouldn't go and would not care if people were saying I wasn't the same since I had the baby. Because it would be true. Would be different if it was an actual work committment but this is not. Why do we have to pretend we haven't got children in order to stop people trying to imply we are somehow not playing the game? These days I REALLY have to want to go to something in order to actually go and if I don't really want to then I don't.

SantaBeClausImWorthIt · 03/12/2007 13:52

Presumably they've chosen somewhere for a particular reason?

I know what you mean about people who don't have children and the plans that you make, but you either accept this and make sure that you go and enjoy yourself, or you decide not to go at all.

Tortington · 03/12/2007 13:54

i agree with you - and i am first in line for a piss up

going out with collegues isn't a night out.

i have often skipped xmas dos and i wouldnt fucking bother this year only my job requires that i am out of the office so much that i feel it is in the spirit of the team.

but it is hardly enjoyable

i have a meal with the rest of the team after our team meeting - there are 4 of us - and now THAT i will be nice becuase it wont take all effing night and i like the team!

dont go if you dont want to.

Original poster

rookiemater · 03/12/2007 13:54

Thanks Katisha, glad its not just me ( shouldn't have posted on AIBU if I wanted everyone to agree with me !)

Lots of people aren't that happy about going even those without children as they also have commitments during the week as well.

I know I'm not much of a party animal and I don't really care. I also get a bit annoyed that all work "rewards" are based around alcohol and late nights. For me I'd rather we closed the office early one day and got to spend more time with our families.

OP posts:

Minum · 03/12/2007 14:06

YANBU - its not a treat if you dont want to go, and certainly not if it takes up that amount of your time, which is very precious. I get fed up with invitations which are to all intents instructions, and then expected to be grateful!

I'm a party animal, its just I want to go to the ones that I want to go to, not to feel obliged to go because the inviter thinks I ought to.

Original poster

rookiemater · 03/12/2007 14:12

It was meant to be optional, but then my bosses boss checked to make sure that everyone was going and was told to "encourage" those who hadn't planned to.

I happen to know some of the senior people so my absence would probably be noticed, and I don't think its fair on my team to expect them to go unless I do.

I agree Santa, I will not be much use in this frame of mind, and I do promise to get over myself and be a bit more jolly about it for the 36 hours required.

OP posts:

Katisha · 03/12/2007 14:18

Are you "expecting" your team to go?
Is the conference bit compulsory? Could you get home after that?
Probably all a bit late now as you sound like you have to go this year, but next year maybe stand back from it or suggest that not everyone has to stay for all of it. I only ever go to the business bit and bunk off the drinks afterwards.

Original poster

rookiemater · 03/12/2007 14:22

I'm not expecting them to go, they have all said they would but then the travelling arrangements came out and they were muttering a bit about them, but as I know we are all meant to go, I haven't said anything to them one way or the other.

We didn't know until a couple of days ago how the arrangements would work, we thought we would be back in the afternoon so originally it wasn't a problem.

Definitely next year I will not go and be darned about what people think of me, now the trick this year is not to drink too much so if asked anything about the arrangements for this, I don't give an honest answer.

OP posts:

Katisha · 03/12/2007 14:30

Oh well - good luck! YOu'll probably enjoy it when you're there (as my mother would always say...)

Chardonnay1966 · 03/12/2007 14:45

I think it sounds like a fab do. You'll probably have a great time - assuming you have childcare etc sorted. If not, tell them u can't go and they'll understand.

kittylouise · 03/12/2007 14:51

I'm all for a free booxe up, but no, I couldn't be arsed with it either. I spend about 50 hours a week with my colleagues, and even though I like the majority of them I actually would like to spend my social time with my friends and family. At works events all you do is talk shop anyway.

I am giving this year's evening event a miss, and going out with my team for a long boozy lunch the last week before Christmas.

wildfish · 03/12/2007 14:57

YANBU - I hate do's which are forced. Its supposed to be enjoyable not a pain in the backside. If you don't want to go don't. Stuff em if they want to talk.

Don't give in to pressure do what's right for you. If it puts me out, I just turn it down.

soopermum1 · 04/12/2007 10:52

YANBU, i've been to one of those conference-with-pary-tacked-on-the-end type things. they bore you for hours and hours til you're half dead with boredom then give you a warm glass of wine and a sausage roll and call it a party. and you can't even bugger off home! attend at your peril

Ubergeekian · 04/12/2007 13:19

No, you are not being unreasonable. There are too many people whose miserable social lives - such as they are - revolve around the workplace and expect everyone else to be the same. Go to the conference, since it's in working time, and then go home.

I personally make a point of never, ever going to any work social event of any sort. It's actually easier than being selective, because nobody gets specifically upset about my missing their do. They just think I am a generally grumpy git.

Which is true. Sod 'em all.

HonoriaGlossop · 04/12/2007 13:25

God it sounds utterly grim, why the hell would anyone be 'expected' to spend that long with their work colleagues - specially when you have family commitments.

Totally, totally agree with Uber. I don't go to anything work-y either. It isn't compulsory and you should feel totally free to not go if you don't want to, and actually it IS OK if you 'haven't been the same since the baby'.....that's kind of the point about having family 'commitments' - that's what they are - commitments! You shouldn't feel you have to be away from home if you don't want to, not for (as soopermum put it so well) a warm glass of wine and a sausage roll!

Don't go!

bran · 04/12/2007 13:39

I never go on my office Christmas do, even before ds I didn't go. Perhaps you could come down with a 24 stomach bug on the day?

I once even ducked out of a compulsory team building day, towards mid-afternoon I was getting a bit pissed off so I went "to the loo" and didn't go back. Nobody said anything the next day.

Lauriefairycake · 04/12/2007 13:53

I would not go - 12 hours travelling !!!!

Actually with 12 hours travelling I would go if it was in Prague, Paris, Berlin, Reykavik........................

But not if it was in the equivalent of Bognor.

SpottyHamster · 04/12/2007 14:07

YANBU, it sounds ghastly. I usually try to avoid all works Christmas do's since having children.( we do have to pay for them mind you) Not much fun when you have to get up early the next day to get DSs ready for school. In the past I always seem to have got lumbered with the departmental bore all evening anyway........

1066andallthat · 04/12/2007 14:28

OK - it sounds like you are committed to it, now. But, I would pack a book or brilliant magazine, some lovely smellies and when I had had enough, retire, graciously i.e. "Such a long, interesting day ....". Take the chance to luxuriate in a bath, have a read, maybe a lie-in or the very opposite, get out there really early and do a spot of Christmas shopping. Then, finish the book on the trip back. Actually, can I go ?

Kbear · 04/12/2007 14:36

Presumably you don't have to go. I wouldn't. I'm not going to my work do because I'd rather come home from work and be with my family - done all that and don't want to do it any more, but the people I work with think I'm weird. "But it's free" they cry. Don't care, don't want to go!

Original poster

rookiemater · 04/12/2007 22:08

Oh its too late now, I'm committed, but I have bought a very nice magazine and will bring along a book I haven't read.

If the evening do gets too much I will just get a taxi back to the hotel and have a nice bath, they can't force me to stay until the bitter end can they ?

OP posts:

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