To feel like I should be able to keep up my hobbies too

[KCpip]

Ok so kids are 6 and 3. Husband manages to keep up his hobbies with weekends taken up here and there. He also works 2 out of 5 weekends. I never find the time for my stuff because when we’re all free I want to do things as a family but then I know it’s a good thing to have your own hobbies/find time for yourself. AIBU to try and have some hobbies on the go too or do I just expect too much from life?

The key thing I’ve read there is “hobbies”. Does this mean he has more than one whilst you have none?

YAabsolutelyNBU to want to keep something for yourself. As an example, DH and I both have a sports-based hobby. He used to play for multiple different sports teams but chose one after we had DS so I could continue one as well. Match days in season are worked around based on who played last etc. We also both run regularly and ‘tag’ in on return so the other gets a chance to go, or we alternate days.

You need to prioritise your hobbies as much as he prioritises his. At the moment he's not concerned about carving out time for you, because he doesn't see it as a priority. So you need to change that.

You're giving up 100% of your hobby time for family time. How much of his hobby time does DH give up for family time? 0%? You need to equalise that out to 50:50.

I would suggest a calendar, with his work shifts marked on. Agree between the two of you how much family time you want each month and mark that on the calendar too. Then divide up what's left... I imagine he may find he doesn't have time for all his hobbies... but then he's the one who'll need to justify taking time out from family time for his hobby, not you for yours.

As with everything, it's a balance. If you always prioritise family activities over yourself at every opportunity, you'll never have time to do your own things.

You just need to decide where you strike the balance.

Personally I can't understand this obsessive need for family activities every weekend. When I was growing up (in the late 90s/early 00s) the vast majority of the time we'd just hang out at home at the weekend, unless we went to the shops, took the dog out, or visited grandparents. The rest of the time we largely did our own thing. No enforced family time.

Do you really need to spend every second of free time doing family activities?

Sorry @Lockheart when I said activities I did just mean hanging out all together as a family. I like the organised planner idea. Maybe I need to get more thorough with that. Possibly the problem when I really think about it is my partner’s hobbies have just carried on throughout having our kids where as mine really went on hold and now a few years down the line I maybe need to reevaluate what I want to be doing when not with kids/family

What are the hobbies?

Are hobbies you can send kids with him?

How often does he have hobby time? Tell him you want half that from now on for tour own hobby.