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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unfair to 2.5 yr old?

20 replies

Sleeppleaseomg · 03/09/2021 21:32

I had planned to take my 2.5 year old out for the day tomorrow, just to somewhere nearby and feed the ducks, so nothing massive but we don't go there often.

However ds was really acting out of bedtime and being naughty. Out of frustration I said if he didn't settle down soon there would be no duckies tomorrow. He carried on being a nightmare.

Now I'm wondering if a 2 year old will even understand/remember why tomorrow?

Yabu - go to the ducks, too young to understand

Yanbu - you have to stick to your word

I was looking forward to the ducks and (clearly) haven't tried to use this "threat" before so no idea why I did tonight!

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 03/09/2021 21:34

Delayed punishment doesn’t work with kids that young.

Abitlikeabiscuit · 03/09/2021 21:34

No he won't understand the connection. It has to be immediate consequences at that age. Take him to see the duckies and enjoy it :)

HurryUpAndWait23 · 03/09/2021 21:35

YBVU.

He's 2.5, he absolutely will not learn that way. He will have no memory of what he is being punished for.

He's 2.

HerRoyalNotness · 03/09/2021 21:36

I would have used it as a distraction technique. Really excitedly start talking about going to see the ducks, ask what he thinks they’d like to eat. Time to get a good sleep to see ducks tomorrow. Works with mine.

We take frozen peas to feed ours, they love them

Original poster
Sleeppleaseomg · 03/09/2021 21:37

Ah good, ducks it is Smile

I'll think more sensibly next time!

OP posts:
HurryUpAndWait23 · 03/09/2021 21:37

Also it's a myth that you always have to stick to your word.

In future, I mean. It's absolutely ok to discuss, reflect and come to a conclusion/compromise and let the punishment go.

Or if it was said in the heat of the moment.

What is bad is always saying the punishment and never ever seeing it through.

But it's absolutely ok to not always stick to your word.

FoodIsOnMyMind · 03/09/2021 21:39

When dd was that age she would have understood and I remeber doing it with some thing that was going to cost a lot money. She'd been a terror for days. 2 warnings. And she continued. The next day she said are we going now. I said no because you didn't have good listening ears and did xyz. But if you're good today we can go tomorrow. Yes there were tears. But she was then good. Got up the next day (extra early haha) and said right let's go I was good and didn't do xyz.

I've always stuck to my word with the youngest ones. The eldest who's now a teen I always always gave in. And he ended up thinking its OK to disrespect me and continued for a fair while into his teen! Then I snapped and knuckled down.
Now 95% of the time he's OK too.

FoodIsOnMyMind · 03/09/2021 21:41

I now use the if you Continue e you're going to bed before ds who's 2 years younger.
Twice in a row last week she went to bed before him. But now if she does something she says I'm sorry I don't really want to go to bed before name and we discuss what's what and she's fine. She's now 3.5

esloquehay · 03/09/2021 21:41

YABVU.
He's 2.5, FFS.
Nope, he will not remember.
I hate hearing parents describe toddlers as 'naughty'. We expect too much from our little people.

HurryUpAndWait23 · 03/09/2021 21:48

@FoodIsOnMyMind

I now use the if you Continue e you're going to bed before ds who's 2 years younger. Twice in a row last week she went to bed before him. But now if she does something she says I'm sorry I don't really want to go to bed before name and we discuss what's what and she's fine. She's now 3.5
Sounds like they are scared of you Confused
LynetteScavo · 03/09/2021 21:49

YABU - tomorrow is a new day. He won't be able to relate going to sleep quickly with what is going to happen tomorrow at that age.

I get why you said what you did, but he's not going to think tomorrow "ha ha Mummy backed down".

Have fun visiting the ducks.

Thesearmsofmine · 03/09/2021 21:51

YABU but I think most of us have been there at one point. Live and learn!

Marmite27 · 03/09/2021 21:52

Mine both understood cause and effect really young.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2021 21:58

Don’t make threats like that. It’s a ball ache to stick to them not fair on him.

CecilyP · 03/09/2021 22:03

Yeah if it doesn’t work to improve behaviour at the time, just forget about it. Enjoy those ducks!

SuperSleepyBaby · 03/09/2021 22:08

You don’t always have to stick to what you said.

I sometimes get annoyed when my children are being badly behaved and tell them they are banned from their ipad for a week etc! Then when we all calm down and have a chat I might say that the punishment I initially gave was too much and it will just be a one day ban.

I think it is important that children see that parents can make mistakes and are not perfect and can then try to make things right.

Bizawit · 03/09/2021 22:09

At that age he really won’t understand the connection and it will achieve nothing. Enjoy the ducks

Phoenix76 · 03/09/2021 23:38

Have fun with the ducks op 😉

Whatinthelord · 03/09/2021 23:42

Yea I think delayed stuff with kids that age doesn’t work. Tomorrow he’ll just feel hard done by and not really link the punishment with whatever happened tonight.

LegendaryReady · 03/09/2021 23:44

He probably won't remember but I do think you need to stick to your word when they're small. When they're older you can reflect and tell them you now realise you acted rashly but not when little.

If he's good tomorrow, you can go on Sunday.

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