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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit put out and hurt?

16 replies

thegirlthatsantaclauseforgot · 03/12/2007 12:05

I am a regular who has changed names because i am 'known' iyswim.

earlier in the year we invited my parents to us for christmas.so did my sister.
they have chosen to go to my sister which is fair enough ans am quite looking forward to being just us on the day.
i then invited my brother and family for boxing day but they have other plans.

so i invited my friend and family round for boxinf day drinks in the evening.she accepted. all good.

i have just had a n e-mial saying can she change her mind as plans have changed and she would like to get together with other friiends on boxing day. can we do the day after? No we ca't as we have plans.

feel like no one wants to see us at christmas at all

christmas day alone is fine but not the whole holiday.

OP posts:
Original poster
thegirlthatsantaclauseforgot · 03/12/2007 12:09

i am aren't i?

or do you all hate me too?

OP posts:
Chloe55 · 03/12/2007 12:12

Oh dear, I understand why you feel a bit low about it, festive season and all that but I don't think it sounds like anyone is intentionally hurting your feelings. Seems a bit off though that your friend would rather see other friends on boxing day - I would be miffed about that if they already agreed to your invite.

fireflyxmasfairylights2 · 03/12/2007 12:13

Aww.

I think your friend shouldn't have changed the plans that she had made with you first.

Here, we accept whoever asks us first.. last yr my mam & dad went to my sister's house on Xmas day & another on boxing day. This year I asked them for boxing day & they said yes. MY bro asked them for Xmas day & they said No, as my sister had said last yr "You'll come again next Xmas day won't you?" & mam hadn't forgotten!!

mumblechum · 03/12/2007 12:13

YANBU. I think the friend is being a little rude in backing out.

I'll come if you like and bring some mince pies. [norma nomates emoticon]

themoon66 · 03/12/2007 12:14

Christmas is a social minefield. I wish I could just go into hibernation for the whole two weeks either side.

I've come to realise that nobody gets through it without offending someone or being offended themselves.

Tell your friend, no, you cannot do it another day. Then say... well never mind... maybe next year.

Good luck.

Baffy · 03/12/2007 12:19

tell your friend no you can't do the next day as you have plans and if she still chooses the other friends then just don't ask them again

I don't think you're being unreasonable in being a bit hurt. She is being very insensitive.

Any way you can go and see your sister and parents on christmas night if they're all at your sister's house?

Or invite them all to come to you either christmas night or boxing day/night?

Original poster
thegirlthatsantaclauseforgot · 03/12/2007 12:38

they live 3 hours away! we are driving up to see them on 27th so def coan't do it. themn.
she has come back and suggested 28th but i still feel miffed. 28th isn't the same isit?

OP posts:
madamez · 03/12/2007 21:41

It's generally Not Polite to refuse an invitation you had accepted on the grounds of having had a better offer, though it's forgiveable in certain circumstances (ie the invite you accepted was from people you see a lot of, the new invite involves seeing someone you haven't seen for 10 years who is only in the area for 24 hours or something - or you agreed to go to a party and then your siblings suddenly decide to get married at short notice...)

YANBU to be put out about it, but try not to let it wreck your Xmas as stuff like this does happen a lot.

Original poster
thegirlthatsantaclauseforgot · 04/12/2007 12:17

no it won't spoil my christmas , it's only one night.
i do feel that i want to say to my friend that she has hurt my feelings but don't feel able to tbh.

she is now suggesting lots of alternative dates and i know it's petty but i feel like sayng 'no bugger off-i can;t do amy of them'

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 04/12/2007 12:21

Bah humbug to your friend!!! Not nice to do that. Why do people feel it's OK to change arrangments last minute when something else comes up?

FioFio · 04/12/2007 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ArcticRoll · 04/12/2007 12:26

Agree with others
Your friend is behaving very badly.
Extremely rude to cancel due to a 'better' offer.'

TenLordsaLapin · 04/12/2007 12:28

"she would like to get together with other friiends on boxing day" - what a rude woman. And she doesn't even have the decency to phone, she emails? That's because she knows it's shameful.

Go out of the day - just you, DH(?) and the children - go for a big walk, or somewhere fun, have a great day and then flop in the evening with a great film on telly and a BIG glass of wine, and thank your lucky stars you don't have to entertain your so-called friend!

TenLordsaLapin · 04/12/2007 12:29

Oh and I agree - "bugger off, I have better things to do than see you at YOUR convenience" is the only response (though possibly more diplomatically phrased )

TroutSprout · 04/12/2007 12:35

Aww chin up
here.. have a mince pie

I know you feel like saying bugger orf to your friend (and she was wrong to accept and then decline) but i would probably arrange another time with her. Lol.. though i might make a jokey (but not so jokey iyswim) comment about it, ie 'ok seeing i obviously come second on your blardy list!' She sounds like she's falling over herself to set a new date so she's probably realised she was a bit out of line anyway.

Original poster
thegirlthatsantaclauseforgot · 04/12/2007 13:05

glad it's not just me being oversensitive.

have sent jokey sarcastic email about 'important friends'

we will get together another time.

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