How to handle unwanted attention at work

[Lily019]

My 21yr old daughter has just told me about an incident that happened at work.
The workplace is a very popular family type restaurant and its a relatively new job.
Today a male customer asked my daughter if he could take her picture. She said no. He ignored and asked again. Again she said no and also asked the reason. He claimed he thought she was pretty and immediately proceeded to take the picture with his mobile anyway.
She was a bit taken aback and asked him to delete the photo immediately but he point blank refused and put his mobile away. She asked again but he stated he would delete it 'later'. My daughter then went to the manager to complain and to say that she was uncomfortable serving that table further and she asked if the manager would intervene. Manager sympathised but rather than asking customer to leave, they instead suggested she finish shift early and go home. Rather than making a huge drama, she left early,( wont be paid for the hours lost) and feels that essentially the cheeky customer sort of 'won'. She is a fairly confident and polite girl but feels that it shouldnt have been left like this and it occurred to me that surely management should have perhaps done more for a member of staff.
Has anyone here got any experience of this and how was it handled? I feel very angry that having refused permission to have her picture taken, her choice in the matter was openly disregarded and nobody batted an eyelid. This is her workplace, not a mates night out and frankly this is not the first time this has happened. She is not shy, nor vulnerable or unable to speak up for herself but surely this can't be normal?

Is it a chain restaurant? Is there anyone above her manager she can escalate to, esp as she is now out of pocket?

I'd be kicking up a stick on their social media...m

@bonfireheart

I'd be kicking up a stick on their social media...m

If she complains on social media she'll very likely lose her job.

It's incredibly unfair that she's had to lose pay for being harassed. Is there anything in the company policies about dealing with harassment from customers/what is expected from management in situations like this? Does she know how to reach the central HR dept? As a first step I would recommend she sit down with her manager, explain that the situation was unfairly dealt with to her detriment and ask that she be paid for the hours she would otherwise have worked. Also ask her manager to clarify how they will deal with situations like this in the future so that staff can feel safe and supported in their jobs.

The restaurant is privately owned and up until now seemed a great place with happy staff and great customers. I dont think she necessarily wants to create a drama out of this, she doesnt want to be 'that person' but understandably she was just a bit put out at being undermined like this. She's worked in hospitality for 3 years, and is not adverse to putting her foot down over rude customers. Just saddens me to think while this is not exactly a 'big deal' in the bigger picture, of things, surely your right to say NO to a request, should stand and be supported in any scenario, particularly at work.

And for the record, she is actually more upset at the fact the customer was allowed to remain, not so bothered about losing pay. Surely this would have been a good opportunity to drive home the message that people deserve respect and that his 'nonchalant' behaviour is just no longer acceptable. Such a damn shame these creeps dont get pulled up each and every time.

The manager was in a difficult position, to be fair. It is not illegal to take photos in a public place, and he had no grounds for throwing the customer out. However, he should not have advised the staff member to go home when that meant her losing pay and causing extra work for the remaining staff.
Perhaps your DD should have replied to the customer’s request: “Only creepy old men and perverts take waitresses’ photos. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be in that category, sir”, followed by swiftly swerving away from the table and swapping it with another staff member until the creep had finished eating and gone.

Please ask her to contact the owner. That is incredibly inappropriate that the customer wasn’t approached by management and has therefore kept her picture. The law is that pictures can be taken in public, but somewhere private/owned, the owner can prevent people from taking pics.

Do the restaurant have his name and phone number because he had to book the restaurant ahead of time?

This is harassment. Harassment at work is illegal.

www.gov.uk/workplace-bullying-and-harassment

The restaurant as your daughter’s employer have a legal responsibility to protect her against harassment from customers. Enforcing her rights is of course not so easy in practice. She could risk losing her job.

Suggest she contacts ACAS for advice in the first instance with a view to a) getting full payment for her shift b) getting her employer to consider how it can better protect staff from this kind of thing.

When I worked in hospitality years ago management did nothing to stop incidents like this. So we reported rude customers to the head waiter who had been in the job too long and detested the general public. He would accidentally on purpose kick the customer’s chair when passing (ideally when the customer was drinking red wine). Customers staying over night were treated to 4.30 am alarm call!

@Babdoc Brilliant! I'll tell her you said that so she can use it (sadly) another time! It's one those times isnt it when you just know you could have handled it better, snappier, but too late after the fact. When you are at work it's tricky to be that blunt and direct. She's a great worker and wouldn't like to let her employer down by upsetting an (arsehole) customer. We've all experienced those creeps but I really did think the tide was changing radically in that respect.

@Babdoc the manager wasn't in a difficult position at all, he's just a coward. It's a private business, he can ask any customer to leave at any time as long as its not due to protected characteristics.

The manager could not physically force the customer to delete the picture. However he could have threatened to call the police or asked the man to leave. Employers have a duty of care towards their staff.

@Babdoc

The manager was in a difficult position, to be fair. It is not illegal to take photos in a public place, and he had no grounds for throwing the customer out. However, he should not have advised the staff member to go home when that meant her losing pay and causing extra work for the remaining staff. Perhaps your DD should have replied to the customer’s request: “Only creepy old men and perverts take waitresses’ photos. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be in that category, sir”, followed by swiftly swerving away from the table and swapping it with another staff member until the creep had finished eating and gone.

It's not a public place, it's a private business and he can ask anyone to leave for any reason. The customer should have been told to leave.

Sorry your daughter had to deal with that and making her go home without pay was a shitty response to harassment. If nothing else, she should be asking for the wages to be made up.

Restaurants have the right to refuse service if a customer is being disruptive. I would most certainly say making a waitress feel uncomfortable and taking pictures of her against her wishes is definitely disruptive.

@FuckPilledLatteplus as far as Im aware they were a walk-in group from a church across the road, (apparently a regular source of customers) that's not to say they aren't repeat/regular customers, so the creep may well appear again at a later date. (Hopefully never tho).

@Babdoc

The manager was in a difficult position, to be fair. It is not illegal to take photos in a public place, and he had no grounds for throwing the customer out. However, he should not have advised the staff member to go home when that meant her losing pay and causing extra work for the remaining staff. Perhaps your DD should have replied to the customer’s request: “Only creepy old men and perverts take waitresses’ photos. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be in that category, sir”, followed by swiftly swerving away from the table and swapping it with another staff member until the creep had finished eating and gone.

The manager had plenty of grounds to ask the customer to leave. He was harassing and being disrespectful. You don't have to do something illegal to be kicked out of a restaurant. Being rude to staff is plenty sufficient.

Also, why do you think she should have confronted him by strongly implying that he's a pervert and a creepy old man? What an unfair expectation in such an uncomfortable situation. Furthermore, it could have landed her in trouble.

The manager should have supported her. Likely placed profits above his staff's wellbeing. That or just couldn't be arsed.

It is not illegal to take photos in a public place

You're right, but inside a restaurant is not a public place. It's a place where members of the public can go if they pay for a meal. They don't get to harass young women because they're paying for a meal.

@urbanbuddha

It is not illegal to take photos in a public place

You're right, but inside a restaurant is not a public place. It's a place where members of the public can go if they pay for a meal. They don't get to harass young women because they're paying for a meal.

This. I’d speak to the manager and or email to say she felt uncomfortable that she was harassed at work and see what he says

Could someone approach someone senior in the church to report this person and request the photo is deleted? If the restaurant owner refuses to do anything would the police be interested?

A privately owned restaurant is not a public place! The manager is shit and let your DD down.

I had a number of waitressing jobs in my time. I might have been lucky but our managers would always speak up in these instances and - when necessary - ask customers to leave. I would definitely raise again in the cold light of day / prior to returning for her next shift.

Could you post something on TripAdvisor on the restaurant site about the awful treatment of a waitress by a customer and lack of management intervention? The day/date/time ? Might get seen by the higher ups?

If this happens she should say loudly "I'm underage and I'm not comfortable with that" (even though she isnt) they will stfu instantly I expect. I didn't hesitate to say that with aggressive customers when I worked at a sports bar.

As a manager I would have quietly called the non emergency police line and asked if they could send an officer around. I would not have mentioned this to the customer until the officer arrived and forced him to delete the picture. That would have been a lesson elarned.

@Babdoc

The manager was in a difficult position, to be fair. It is not illegal to take photos in a public place, and he had no grounds for throwing the customer out. However, he should not have advised the staff member to go home when that meant her losing pay and causing extra work for the remaining staff. Perhaps your DD should have replied to the customer’s request: “Only creepy old men and perverts take waitresses’ photos. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be in that category, sir”, followed by swiftly swerving away from the table and swapping it with another staff member until the creep had finished eating and gone.

The manager wasn't in a difficult position. One of his staff was being harassed, on company premises. Manager was either too weak, or too uncaring, to deal with the incident, so they made it the harassed woman's problem, & sent her home without pay.

They had all the grounds he needed to throw the customer out.
Management can require any customer to leave the premises, at any time, for any reason.

The fact that this manager didn't feel that their staff being harassed was sufficient reason reflects very poorly on that manager.

The fact that Babdoc feels that DD should have come up with a snappy, insulting comeback that would have instantly solved all problems (yeah, right, she could have been sacked for making that suggested comment ffs) - but the manager must be absolved of all responsibility, because .... spurious reasons ... is also quite telling.