Too invested in high pressure career…?

[Purplelemon7]

Does anyone who is in a high pressure career feel a bit concerned about how invested they are in it? I’ve been really career focused over the last ten years since I started I’m my 20s and the time has just flown by. It’s satisfying in the sense that it’s challenging, I have worked with great people, travelled and it pays really well and affords me the lifestyle I want, however having taken a break from it (for maternity leave) I’ve realised how little it matters in the grand scheme of things. Not that I want to be a SAHM and I don’t have any desire to re-train into something else. I guess Im realising having had a bit of distance from work that it doesn’t really matter in the end. Some day I will retire and all the knowledge and experience I have accumulated won’t matter and the people I spend most of my time with won’t be there and these thoughts make me feel demotivated. It’s a bit depressing to think it’s just a way to pass the time and be free of financial worries. I probably need to shift my mindset or something? Any advice?

Anyone?

I think it's normal to reassess your priorities when you have a child.

At the end of the day it's just a job, and they would replace you without a second thought if you left.

I hope somebody answer you soon...

Financial security, building an excellent career based in hard work and the opportunity to travel and great luxuries - well done! You have accumulated skills and knowledge for the next part of your life.

Good luck for your new maternal adventures!

Is it that work doesnt have 'meaning' for you but you never stopped to think about that? Could volunteering your business skills to a charity be helpful to fill that void?

Good luck!

I think once you have children often a switch is flipped - it's a bit cliche because as women we've fought for equal opportunities in the workplace and no one wants to admit that having a child does change you

I have (had?) a very very high pressured challenging career - if I wanted to could work worldwide on some amazing projects. Thought I'd be MD level material........until I found it difficult to conceive. I moved sideways into a different part of the industry only every Intending to Stay here until I'd finished having children.....every intention to move back earning £100ks a year. Well I'm still here.

I'm the main earner so could only take 20 weeks leave with my older child and my now young twins - I don't do foreign secondments, I make sure I'm Home for bed time and I work from home as much as I can

I don't regret it

No one ever had "good employee" on their headstone

I’d say you’re in a really good position and you should reflect more positively on that. You’ve built your career and presumably now have a good reputation in the industry. Now you’ve been blessed with a child and can see how amazing that is and will want to reassess the work-life balance. Hopefully you’re in a position where you set your own work load/choose a role that works with the balance you want to achieve.

I haven't had children (mid 40's - never wanted any), but I have had similar thoughts. I think it's a natural part of ageing (not that it happens to everybody). My conclusion has been that work facilitates my life - it allows me to go places, do things etc., that otherwise I wouldn't be able to do due to financial needs. I don't let work rule my life, I've never had a "career" although I've done well and am in a good role, I don't get suckered into the long hours (as much as possible, happens sometimes), and I don't get involved in the politics because I simply don't care enough !

I enjoy my job, but it isn't the reason I live. My focus just changed at some point. The reason for living is the time out of work, and work basically pays for that. I'm not explaining this very well at all !

The other thing is to do something out of work which does have meaning; for you that could be your child or it could be (as someone else suggested) volunteering somewhere, donating to charity etc.

We all have to work to have income, sadly there's not really any choice there as much as I'd love not to have to go to work, I just make sure I'm in work I enjoy and life outside work is rich and fun.

@twinningatlife guess I’m a defective woman because that didn’t happen to me at all? We are all different.

I think that it’s just another stage in your life and you Amy feel differently in a few years just as how you felt differently a few years ago. As your children become older and more independent you may become really career focused again. I don’t look at anything I do as pointless as that can be extended to anything.

In the end we are filling our lives with something till we die and sometimes it’s career and travel, sometimes the focus shifts to family and it can shift back. Does not mean any time was wasted or you work think differently in the future.

The answer is to find what you want out of life and use your career as part of that. Financial security is important to me so my career does allow me to meet my goals for financial security. However, my career is not who I am. I have always maintained outside interests and as I get older and the DC are growing up I am gradually shifting the balance from my career /financial security goals to the other stuff.

Your career does not define you but that doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile. My career has been intellectually challenging; and allowed me to support my family and provide for our future. The security it brings has given me the luxury of choice, I now freelance and can be more flexible with my time to do voluntary work and creative hobbies.

For me, my work is not a end in itself but rather a means of achieving other goals in my life.

Yes, I’ve decided to retrain so I can use the skills I have and the new training to go self employed and make my own career path
That will hopefully be in something that ‘does some good’ so I can at least be proud of that
I’ve also started saying no to taking on additional projects / working every weekend / working till early hours of the morning

I realised I was doing it to ‘be the best’ and also to make as much money as possible
But I have enough money to live comfortably
And what do I need to be the best for? Certainly as you say I won’t look back at that and be glad I missed out on time with my children because at least I was considered the best in my field for a short time

I’m also just trying to balance that I do enjoy my job, I still want to do well, it’s just not my entire world anymore. That doesn’t make it pointless though, try not to throw the baby out with the bath water.

I’m at the early stages of my ‘high pressure’ career but here’s how I justify it.
Someday you’ll retire and your colleagues won’t be there etc etc.
But so it is with everything in life!
People divorce. Friends leave. Hobby groups break up. Life moves on.
So use your career to get what you want but never feel guilty for investing in it. It’s neither more or less transitory than anything else. Except your family.

Also maybe I have a different perspective as I have a selective memory. I’ve travelled extensively and don’t remember most of it. I’ve had nice memories etc but also - don’t remember much. Only when I sit, and think, I can drag them out.

I do however have an unusually good memory for work related things etc. So for me spending time with non-family ‘loved ones’ is useless 😎

Also to add - investment in early stages of your career can pay off later! So don’t feel guilty for having secured your life
Many of my colleagues now work 3 day weeks on a salary far above the national average. That’s the dream

Don't underestimate the benefits of a highly paid career. Easy to dismiss those things when you have lots of money and a fab lifestyle. Sounds like you have rose tinted glasses on for an "easy life".

Bringing up kids whilst watching every penny and scrimping and saving when you earn £ rather than £££££ is not easy, believe me.

Thanks for all the replies. I think it is a product of ageing, transitions and distance from work during maternity leave making me realise that work is transitory and making me wonder how I will cope with the next big break from working life that is permanent ie retirement.
@TractorAndHeadphones The only thing that isn’t transitory is family. That’s the realisation that I’m coming too now and even then it isn’t necessarily true because some day the parents that have been there my whole life won’t be around, my children might decide to move abroad etc. That’s life. I guess I have never had time to really think about it.

I know exactly what you mean. I sometimes feel like work gets the best of me - my energy, patience & creativity - that should be spent on my family & friends.

On the other hand, I've gained friends, confidence, money and some fantastic experiences through work.

I think finding a balance is the key.

Your mindset isn’t ‘wrong’ now, it was a bit limited before you went on mat leave, that’s how I would think about it. Limited in the sense that no matter how successful you are, or how talented, work is simply not the be all and end all. Often this realisation comes with mat leave and starting a family, sometimes it comes after a period of illness or perhaps the start of a new hobby or interest… anything that shakes you out of the ‘work is life’ groove and makes you realise it is one part of a satisfying life and not the whole of it. Enjoy it, I’d say. In my experience I became much better at my job (more able to prioritise, more able to empathise with others, better at time management) after a baby and my career really accelerated. It’s fine if that doesn’t happen to you though as long as your need are met.

@ThisIsSylviaDaisyPouncer Makes sense. I just don’t know where else my focus should be now. Never really been into ‘hobbies’ - not very sporty, artistic etc. Have travelled a lot already.

Hi this is an interesting thread. I am mid 30s have invested alot on my career and i am a single mom. I have one child and massively love them. I didnt want another as i didnt love my exH and so didnt want to bring another child into the equation. My job is high pressure with a bit of a cut throat environment and i have found that i often long for a less pressured job but also to keep a great salary! Has anyone ever felt this way?

Some niche high pressure careers can lead to academia after a certain age. So you wouldn’t necessarily waste your knowledge.

[quote Purplelemon7]@ThisIsSylviaDaisyPouncer Makes sense. I just don’t know where else my focus should be now. Never really been into ‘hobbies’ - not very sporty, artistic etc. Have travelled a lot already.[/quote]
We’re human ‘beings’, not human doings!
There’s so much pressure around us especially with social media to always be doing something cool, whether it’s volunteering, travel etc etc.
You have a child which will keep you busy. It’s perfectly fine to go about your life doing ordinary things. You don’t need a ‘focus’. Eat good food, sleep, and enjoy living.

I personally spend quite a bit of time cooking - it’s not a ‘hobby’ but I value delicious food and am a far better cook than any takeaway. 😂

Having a high flying career often makes you feel far more important in life’s great scheme than you are . You need that mindset to motivate you
and you must be highly intuitive to have worked out so young that when you retire the world continues quite happily without you.

Your baby is a big project and that’s why we are here , to procreate .
Read Erica Komisars book “ The first 3 years” .

You will naturally feel a loss for your previous life and you may return to it , albeit much wiser and possibly a little more cynical to ways of world .

@Starbrand

Hi this is an interesting thread. I am mid 30s have invested alot on my career and i am a single mom. I have one child and massively love them. I didnt want another as i didnt love my exH and so didnt want to bring another child into the equation. My job is high pressure with a bit of a cut throat environment and i have found that i often long for a less pressured job but also to keep a great salary! Has anyone ever felt this way?

I think many people do - most people don’t find a high pressure job fun as the higher you go the more it is about ‘management’ == endless politics, not actual work.

Depending on your job role the best way is to become a subject matter expert - that way you get paid the big bucks for consulting and can charge for every hour of your time 😎 supplemental income by creating online courses, writing articles etc. However this isn’t easy and you need good networking/entrepreneurial skills alongside very strong technical knowledge.

When I was a bright eyed young graduate I always wanted to be CEO - but after my first taste of management done a 360 turn. It’s not necessarily the stress , but the effort/earnings ratio is too much.

Having a child I think is frequently a game changer and sorry for being sexist especially for mothers

@TractorAndHeadphones thanks for that. I think i am afraid to take the jump given is have to take a knock on earnings?

“ Having a high flying career often makes you feel far more important in life’s great scheme than you are . You need that mindset to motivate you”

Exactly this and now with the benefit of some distance I’ve come to realise how little it matters in the end. Would love to hear from some older people about what really matters towards the end…

Fascinating topic. I wonder if being in a high flying career rewires your brain in some way .
Does your brain rely on feel good feelings from the pressure and when the pressure goes you need something to replace it .

A family member sold their very successful business in late thirties and then 3 years later started up again as they couldn’t cope with no one calling them needing solutions , brainstorming etc .

We also live in a society that’s very much focused on ourselves rather than than the greater public.

Maybe different personalities cope with this in different ways .

Must be a real shock for say government ministers suddenly finding themselves out of a job .