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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be a parent for a year.

18 replies

Paperwall36 · 03/09/2021 17:03

Obviously I know I'm unreasonable and I have two healthy children, which I am and should be grateful for. I love them both dearly, but they are incredibly high need children. DC1 is nearly 3 and is constantly tantruming, hitting other kids and me. I don't even want to leave the house as I'm so embarrassed by his behaviour. I've read toddler calm and parenting books and I know he isn't 'naughty' but he is so hyperactive constantly and won't listen to a thing I say. He won't leave my side for a second and never plays, just walks round kicking off about something or demanding food etc. DC2 is only 4 months. Doesn't nap, wakes up at the slightest thing, had awful colic, still cries a lot. Gets easily overtired and ds won't let me put her to sleep without screaming the house down. I don't have PND, I'm just stressed and worn out. Sounds awful but I just wish I could skip a year. I'm fine with babies, but toddlers i find difficult. The two together... I'm lost.

OP posts:
BrendaBubbles · 03/09/2021 17:04

Seriously.. I think a socially accepted and supported two weeks a year parents can go child free would improve a lot of lives and outcomes, including for the kids!

ItsDinah · 03/09/2021 17:20

Yes.I think people are often short sighted when they decide who to invite to their wedding. When it comes down to it, you need younger family members for respite toddler-wrangling. Do you know any teenagers? Toddlers are often in awe/rapt adoration of them and it can give you a break while they fixate on them. I've friends who've hired teens to watch toddlers for a hour after school every day while they got a bit of peace to cook ( hide in kitchen slumped over cup of tea).

phishy · 03/09/2021 17:23

@BrendaBubbles

Seriously.. I think a socially accepted and supported two weeks a year parents can go child free would improve a lot of lives and outcomes, including for the kids!
Who would pay for that?!
Foxmylife · 03/09/2021 17:26

Its a really trick stage your at! Cliche but true, this too will pass!! Flowers

Foxmylife · 03/09/2021 17:26

@BrendaBubbles

Seriously.. I think a socially accepted and supported two weeks a year parents can go child free would improve a lot of lives and outcomes, including for the kids!
In theory yes but in practice, we’d miss the little wotsits!
Xmassprout · 03/09/2021 17:28

It does get better as they get older.

You eldest is probably finding things more difficult right now because of the youngest. And 4 months is a pretty crap age with a huge sleep regression

CarryOnNurse20 · 03/09/2021 17:29

OP I hear you. I could have written this 14 months ago. It was horrendous (and we were in lockdown which took some pressures off and allowed me to guilt free up the screen time but also added other stresses). Things have got SO MUCH BETTER. Older DC is now a functioning human most of the time and actually fun to take places (and has just started school!!). younger is a PITA toddler but also a joy, very cute and babbling away. I’m back in work part time so feel more myself, we all sleep well. I felt the same as you (I DID have PND and needed medication to help) but really the improvement in all their behaviour, better routine and feeling more myself it what helped.
Is the eldest in childcare? Can you afford to increase the hours at all? My eldest was in nursery 3 days a week, when open, when I was on mat leave which saved my sanity.

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 03/09/2021 17:35

I was going to suggest preschool as well, even if it's just fir the free hours they get when they're 3.

It might be worth reading a bit more on PND as well. If I ever get depression it manifests in me not having the energy or the will to deal with any slight misbehaviour from the DC.

BrendaBubbles · 03/09/2021 17:35

Who would pay for that?!

The magic money tree that paid furlough.

Seriously though, it’s often about social stigma. Ditching your kids for a week or two is pretty looked down on but could help with a lot of troubled homes, mental illness, etc. So many parents run themselves and their relationships ragged.

HeyDugeesCakeBadge · 03/09/2021 18:10

OP I have been there, its awful, you just need to persevere - it WILL get easier I promise! You need sleep, having some good sleep means you are able to rationalise and keep calm in the face of toddler adversity. Is there anyone who can take the mini dictator whilst you nap?

Houseofvelour · 03/09/2021 18:48

I'm feeling this today. My dds are 2 and 3 and today they have been relentless.
Constant tantrums. Running off in the park, ignoring everything I say, hitting and kicking me etc. They literally had me in tears at one point and an elderly lady came over and told me I was doing a great job.
I adore them and lots of the time they're wonderful but today I want to run away.

Bunnycat101 · 03/09/2021 21:22

You’re at a really challenging stage. I found having two so stressful until the youngest hit 2. Now they play so nicely and adore each other but the first two years of my youngest it felt like a total shitshow. I think you have to lower your expectations and divide and rule whenever you can as 1 child is much easier than 2 at once.

underneaththeash · 03/09/2021 21:29

He is being naughty though OP. Keep it simple though, no hitting…the make a fuss of the person he is hitting.
Make sure you praise a lot when he’s being good.
Little boys need lots of exercise too - we always had to get out of the house by 9.30 when mine were small.
I do prefer that age to babies, they’re so curious -
And learn so quickly, but you need To strictly patent them.

Poppyloppyloo · 03/09/2021 21:42

Mine are 3.5 and 10 months, it’s relentless!
There’s so much out there about how hard it is with your first, with your 2nd it’s just like get on with it.
If I moan I get - your sister has 4 kids and she copes!
I’m just reminding myself how much easier it got when my eldest could walk and do some bits for himself (like get his own toys)

minipie · 03/09/2021 22:05

Oh OP I had a similar age gap and also had a very difficult DC1 and a non sleeping DC2 (actually neither of them bloody slept).

You are at the worst stage. It will get better from here. When does your older one go to nursery? That will help A LOT.

Lonelylooloo · 03/09/2021 22:08

I have a 17mo and a 3 mo

I could honestly take a break from this whole parenting thing, just a couple of days would be lovely Grin

N4ish · 03/09/2021 22:15

Nursery for your older child would help a lot. Could you afford a few mornings a week? Keeping him busy and stimulated might help with the tantrums.

beautifullymad · 03/09/2021 22:25

I've always said to my children that if they can opt for a gap year then so can I.

I really need a gap year now....just don't think they'd cope home alone as early & mid teens.

Parents should get a gap year!

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