Starting new job on Monday and got imposter syndrome

[Lemonguitar]

I didn’t know where to post this.

I’m starting a new job on Monday and I have an awful case of imposter syndrome. I feel like I’m going to be found out that I’m no good at the job as soon as I start.

I’ve had some awful bullying in previous jobs and I feel like it’s made me into a gibbering wreck.
I’m trying to decide what to wear, I’m a size 20, I'm in the process of losing weight but everything looks horrible on me.

One of my big problems is that I’ve always done really well in interviews, I come across as bright, bubbly and capable. But when it comes to the actual job and ‘walking the walk’ it all seems to go tits up.
I was actually told by my supervisor in the last job I had that I had been ‘bubbly and enthusiastic’ during the interview, but she hadn’t seen the same reflected when I started.

I suffer with anxiety, depression, low self esteem and confidence. And I’m in the process of trying to get a diagnosis for ASD.

The job is in a school, I’ve done similar jobs before, for about 8 years altogether really…but I’ve had a big break due to my mental health , the previous bullying mentioned, PTSD, PND and then covid too.

I keep thinking maybe I should just email and say I’m unwell and can’t come in now. Then get a doctors note.

Don't do that. This is a new start for you. I'm starting a new job on Monday too, also in a school. I'm really nervous but sometimes we just have to face our fears. I'm sure they will love you.

If it makes you feel any better, I could have written your post 2 months ago and I love my new job! Definitely give it a go, you'll regret it if you don't.

I got into the mindset of everywhere I work will be awful, but it really isn't like that.

You're obviously the best candidate and deserve the job. Wear comfortable clothes that make you feel good and be the you that got the job. You can do this

But you might start on Monday and really enjoy your job, you’ve got experience and I think you’ll be great. Almost need to fake it till you make it. And as someone with poor confidence and self esteem I do know that’s difficult but don’t let previous experiences taint this new job, you’ve obviously worked hard to get where you are today and secure the job so I hope you manage to go in and continue to improve and things get better with your mental health because of it. Hopefully you’ll also have a good support system in work too. Does help a lot if there is someone you can go to if there is an issue.
all the best op and congratulations on your job will be thinking of you

It's all about your feelings of vulnerability. I moved to a new role in jan after a mental health breakdown and it destroyed my confidence. I think the best advice is not to expect so much of yourself straight away.

The outfit choosing is a shielding behaviour that's very normal. Get your clothes laid out and plan a nice lunch. Go to bed early on Sunday and tray yourself with care.

Also have a look at acas pages about mh in the work place too.

I keep thinking maybe I should just email and say I’m unwell and can’t come in now. Then get a doctors note.

So reign before you start?

That will just reinforces all your negative thoughts and beliefs that drive your low self esteem and confidence. The only way to break this cycle is to challenge it and start doing things differently so that you have positive experiences instead to build up evidence of success.

Quitting before you start will make you feel worse and will deny you the opportunity to succeed. That's not a kind thing to do to yourself.

What strategies do you use day to day in the workplace to manage the things that you struggle with?

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself

There are lots of practical things you can do to change things.

Pp 's advice to take control by laying your clothes out and planning a nice lunch is excellent.

Doing positive things to take control can transform anxiety.

Don’t do that! Don’t mention the bullying, the add, the problems before- as bad as it sounds it comes across negatively and if YOU don’t think you can do the job, others won’t too!

You can talk the talk….so talk! Fake it until you make it, no one knows you, this is a fresh start, act like the person you want to be.

Your size is no reflection on your job, everyone sees themselves bigger or worse than what they are so don’t even worry about that. They say you in the interview, they know what you look like.

Go in there and knock it out the park! Good luck!

No no no don't pull a sickie! I promise you it will make you feel so much worse about yourself.

Whatever your old managers said about you, who cares? They are not your managers now. And you don't have to be under a shadow from something depressing someone said to you years ago. Doesnt it count more that the person who interviewed you most recently liked you, hired you, and is looking forward to seekng you on Monday? Speaking as a manager I was always so nervous and excited when someone new joined my team and I did want them to be happy and fit in. If I saw someone feeling sad, I guess I might say, "hey, what are we doing wrong here because you don't seem happy, and I got the impression you were a happy kind of person when we met at interview so is it is me? Is it the job? Is there something we can work on together to make you enjoy coming to work each day?" That comment would come from a place of kindness and wanting you to be content and fulfilled, not a criticism of your temperament or mental health.

So. Time to get your game face on! Turn that frown upside down. And other relevant cliches. Imagine if you could actually BE that bubbly, confident, friendly person they saw in the interview every day at work...how amazing would that feel, if everyone saw you as that person? Because then before you know it, from experience, you do eventually stand a chance of actually being that person. I mean clearly you've got it in you, if you can fake it in interview conditions, you can fake it for a few hours longer ...and then a few hours more... and then a bit more... it is like putting on make up, or a costume, you can wear whatever personality you like to your new job.

I'm not a size 20 but I've gone up two dress sizes during lockdown and I have NO clothes that look good on me. But, in the kindest possible way, you have GOT to put those feelings aside. Irrelevant. No one is judging you on your looks, this isnt a beauty contest or a speed-dating event. It's work. And at work in week 1 what counts is enthusiasm, willingness to learn and try to get to know your colleagues.

So spend the weekend doing things that make you happy. Watch three funny movies in a row. Listen to music and dance. Pick out your least-ugly outfit and decide it will do. And tell yourself nice things, remind yourself of all your successes, phone your most cheer-leady upbeat friend and invite her out to pre-celebrate a fantastic start to a new job.

You can do it, you know you can.

Do not call in sick! This is a fresh start, it can be what you make of it. Everyone presents their best self in the interview, it’s expected!
Fake it until you make it is a real thing, it’s worked for me. Fake having confidence, fake being bright, professional and friendly, it’s simply presenting your best face.

Whatever you do DO NOT CALL IN SICK OP, honestly, that'll be soo much worse! I'll bet your new colleagues are really looking forward to meeting you and couldn't give a toss what size you are! 🙂

Its amazing how we focus on that one nasty comment or what has happened in the past. You said you have 8 years of experience so you can do this with your eyes closed!! Look in the mirror and tell yourself "I can do this". What I tell myself is nervous feelings cause the same sensations as being excited so try and think of it like that. Also think of all the children who will be feeling nervous about starting maybe look at is your not the only new one and you will be helping them as much as yourself when you start. Think of the smile you will have when you skip out of there Monday afternoon after your first day. You can do this 💪

Please don’t not go and also remember it takes time to settle into a new job. Every job I’ve had, I’ve wanted to quit after the first week for various different reasons, but have always said to myself give it a month and then by then you will know if the job suits you. I have helped out at 2 schools and can honestly say not many staff are attractive or indeed slim (myself included). For work I wear black trousers, 1 inch court shoes, a colourful shirt/blouse with a beaded necklace. A good haircut can boost confidence with a little make up. Let us know how it goes.

I started a new job 3 days ago after having all my confidence knocked out of me in my last role. I feel very much like you, however I have decided to not let someone who was awful to me dictate to me anymore how I feel about myself. I can do this job, I will be ok. Every time I think now I cannot do something I just try and reframe it as I am new, it is ok to ask for help, everyone had at some point been new and it will be fine. Honestly it is hard, I constantly think I will be found out but it is not true, it is how someone else has made me feel in the past and he no longer has that power so it’s time to take it back. Go for it, enjoy it and you will be fine.

Almost everyone has imposter syndrome, honestly! I'm always amazed when I comment to a colleague about how well they managed something and it turns out they were terrified and working it out as they went.

This podcast might help play.acast.com/s/amazingif/impostersyndrome

Er, no

You're gonna walk in there and kick ass is what.

EVERYONE fakes it till they make it

Ah, Op, I have been where you are. And I made my life so, so, so small that it is impossible to come back from the decisions I made when anxiety was the driver.
Get medication
Get a mentor
Meditate while walking
Fake it Till You Make it
Do something nice for yourself every day