Long time lurker and first time poster. To give some background, my brothers GF of 4 years is a pretty nasty person towards our side of the family. She lives with him in my mothers house and for the past four years I've heard nothing but complaints from my mother about her laziness, not picking up after herself, selfishness, not contributing to the house etc(my mother has addressed this with them from time to time to no avail). She is fairly sh*y t us in general - she would often walk in and completely ignore us and not even say hello. She doesn't allow my brother to spend any time alone with me or my sister and is very manipulative towards him. She is very demanding of him and expects to be treated like a princess. She never puts her hand in her pocket for anything and expects him to pay for all her drinks etc. The whole family has been worried about his finances at some stage or other. The most horrible thing she does is ruin the few family get togethers that we have. My brothers GF has managed to lose the plot, have one drink too many and hurl abuse at my sister and I (several other relatives like aunts and family friends too)nearly every time we all get together (totally out of the blue, we are nice to her). For years we have put up with this from her because our brother is very defensive of her and we dont want to fall out. She has physically lashed out at my sister a number of times. The last time she ruined a family gathering was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I dont drink at all but I called the GF when she sobered up and basically told her is was last chance saloon with me and delivered an ultimatum to her. Also told my brother the same.
Since then she has been on best behavior (bar a couple of more minor mouthing off episodes) until last month.
I have recently had a baby and with covid and everything Ive asked my family to wait until they got vaccinated to meet her which everyone totally respected. My brother and GF got their vaccine and met her for the first time last month when she was 7 weeks old and was totally besotted with DD. They then went on to my sisters home for a couple of days.
I only heard what happened at my sisters home 2 days ago as my sister didnt want to stress me out with the baby and all. Long story short his GF started picking on my sisters friends and getting nasty with them after a couple of drinks and my bro and sis warned her to stop. She wouldnt and they just went home. When they got home the GF started hurling abuse at my bro and sis. As usual my bro left and ,my sis was left in the firing line. She refused to listen to her and went to her bedroom for a bit before nipping out to see where my brother had gone(eventually found him on his phone in the back of his car). When she came back to her house she found the GF at the kitchen table with wine and whining that my brother doesnt love her blah blah blah and then sis noticed that there was a pack of nurofen plus on the table with 4 or 5 missing. The GF told her she took them but then said she only took one. My sister went to fetch my brother to tell him. He initally refused to deal with it saying "she always does this sh*t". My sister made his GF vomit as she wasnt sure how many she had taken and if that many could do damage. When the bro eventually came in in a temper he slammed my sister into the wall and had another blazing row with his GF. She went to bed and she told me when she got up they were gone. Apparently they called an ambulance for the GF in the middle of the night and he had gone to collect her from hospital after getting her stomach pumped! When they came back that afternoon they refused to talk to my sister about the previous night and made a comment to her that SHE(my sister) had some temper!! They then warned her not to tell anyone and left and went to my place to stop in for a night. At the time I knew nothing but my spidey sense told me that there had been a row between the bro and his GF.
When my sister told me of this carry on I was totally shocked and then I got so cross for how they treated her and then I got super cross because I realised they had been at my place the day after and my daughter hadnt her first vaccinations at the time and if I had known that they had been in the hospital A and E I would have asked them not to stop in for fear she would pick up a bug. If I had known that his GF had had her stomach pumped they day before I would definately not have allowed her to be holding my DD for fear she would faint or get weakness or something. To cut a long story short I told my mother who gave the two of them a good verbal hiding and I spoke to them myself about why I was cross because in my (and DH's) view they were totally irresponsible to call in and be holding our DD for the reasons I mentioned above. They should have told us. The brothers GF basically told me "how dare you get on to me, like I was going to be thinking about you after the night I had" and I told her that tells me all I need to know, she was a total b on the phone and hung up on me. I spoke to my brother and he kinda understood but was miffed that I had said anything to his GF because she "felt bad enough about that night". I explained to him that after I heard about the carry on at my sisters place and considering she didnt give a hoot about our concerns with DD that his GF was no longer welcome at our home and since she ruined yet another family gathering she would not be welcome at DDs christening. I told him he could visit his niece whenever he liked but to forget about the visit they planned in September because I wouldnt be cooled off enough because I felt he was being a bit blasé about it still which in my opinion isnt fair.
My mother and husband think this approach is dead right and I am fairly relieved to think she wont be around me anymore but am I being unreasonable here? I dont want to fall out with my brother and I don't think he will call to visit anymore because his GF is banned from our house. But at the same time he totally enables this behaviour and in a way I blame him for letting this go on and on and if i was to tell the honest to god truth....Ive half a mind to ban him too but dont want to be seen as using access to DD as a weapon...What does everyone think?