Muslim mum here, looking for views of of other Muslim mums xx

[fsl409]

Before the summer holidays started, my sister started sending her son (my little nephew, recently turned 5) to madrassa (mosque school) for 1.5 hours every weekday evening after school, leaving no time of energy for him to pursue any other extra curricular interests, clubs or activites that most of his (non-Muslim) friends attend.
My sons are a little older than their cousin but mine have schedules of things like football, swimming and martial arts. They asked me to let them do these things as they really are passionate about them. At first I thought it might be too much for them after a whole day at school, but they really enjoy so I can't complain.
With my nephew, he's become withdrawn, quiet and looks permanantly exhausted. He doesn't seem to have much zest for life and talks with envy about his school friends who are allowed to spend their evenings after school playing sports, going to the park or just doing relaxing things at home or with their families.
Of course I believe it's important to learn about our religion, but I teach my sons about it in a way that fits around their school life, not in a way that takes over every spare minute outside of school hours.
I know my sister loves her son and wants him to grow up as a good and pious Muslim, but I'm concerned that she might be putting her wish for him to attend madrassa every single night for 1.5 before his right to have other interests and do the kind of "fun" activities that his friends do.
Just to be clear, I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong with attending madrassa or studying our religion, I'm just concerned about the amount of time each week my nephew is expected to attend and how this impacts on his opportunities to have other interests or activities.
I even offered to take him to play football with his cousins one evening per week for an hour but my sister was like... 'no, he has madrassa..". AIBU?

OP basically because you have decided what is 'healthy' in terms of activities you think your nephew shouldn't go?
Madrassahs vary hugely, mine would not be going to one where they are expected to sit and recite whilst rocking back and forth for the duration anyway. At ours (4 hours Sat and Sunday) they do a lot more playing than they do reciting or reading. I wouldn't have an issue sending my dc to it everyday if it was available. It is a very social activity, the dc love it.

Muslim mum here. We felt the same for our kids that every evening as some madrassas seem to run would be far too much. Our kids go for 3 hours on a Saturday instead and theres alot of play based /fun activities within that. Maybe you could suggest an alternative for them x

I’m not a Muslim but my children’s dad is. His brother has 5 kids and they have all done this. 1.5-2hrs a day. It doesn’t leave anytime for any hobbies, none of them ever had any hobbies so not sure if that wasn’t encouraged anyway or just time meant they could fit it in. I feel sorry for my SIL as she’s the one doing the running around, and in London a couple of miles can take forever. I think it’s too much, but not my kids and I don’t understand it at all as I’m not overly religious

Isn't there even a hadith about kids learning through play up until the age of 7? Hopefully someone knows here. This could help you convince her its too much for him.

Not Muslim sorry, I do work with a number of Muslim families in my role. I don't think I've known any to go every night from 5yrs, the ones I've known who go more frequently when that age are the younger siblings of older ones who want to go to 'join in'. However most if not all of the madrassa that I know in our area have a mix of activities - obviously study is very important but they include cricket or other activities as well, in the sense they function a bit more like after school childcare not only as study (I don't mean that to suggest it's not taken seriously by parents, just that it is routine for many to go five evenings a week but not necessarily for study every night)
Thinking about it as well, I don't think the sessions around here are 1.5hrs, I'm sure they're shorter.

I can see if he's at a mixed school where friends are doing different things after school that would be quite hard, and would be isolating over the long term. It'd be different if he was at a school where majority of the children were Muslim and lots of his classmates were going.

Ours also do lots of activities, colouring, watching videos, making cards, stories etc. My son loves going. It’s not 3 hours of strict learning. I don’t think you understand what actually happens in madrassa and are very quick to judge.

Muslim mum, but to an infant so this isn’t something we’ve considered yet. But I agree that 5 days a week is too much for a 5 year old. Other kids I know who go to a madrassa only go for a few hours on a Saturday, although not sure if it makes a difference that I come from an Arabic speaking country so the children I know are already more familiar with Arabic.

Children need to be children, and that includes extra curricular activities that keep them entertained. It isn’t fair to deprive him of that.

I went to madrasah as a kid. I left as soon as I’d completed the Quran, we were also taught Islamic jurisprudence and Hadith though besides recitation and it was very interesting as we got older.

When younger I’d fall asleep in madrassa. We’d be sat there expected to be reading our lesson and it never required that long to learn the readings really.

I know my sister hired an Islamic tutor to teach her kids. Don’t think he did the Hadith and jurisprudence (he wasn’t qualified to) just Quran recitation.

Is she wrong to take her son to the madrasa 5days a week? No

Are you wrong to prioritise extra curricular activities? No

Unless she is pressuring you to follow her parenting style, I would quit judging her and mind your own business.

@kinzarose

OP basically because you have decided what is 'healthy' in terms of activities you think your nephew shouldn't go? Madrassahs vary hugely, mine would not be going to one where they are expected to sit and recite whilst rocking back and forth for the duration anyway. At ours (4 hours Sat and Sunday) they do a lot more playing than they do reciting or reading. I wouldn't have an issue sending my dc to it everyday if it was available. It is a very social activity, the dc love it.

Rocking back and forth is not actually a requirement of learning at a madrassa.

We’d get told to stop if we started the rocking back and forth. Teachers used to say it was a waste of energy.

I completed my Quran recitation by age seven. So wasn’t there that long.

I attended a madrassah for two hours every single evening of the week. I hated it. I had no extra-curricular activities to look forward to and was never around when friends stopped by on their bikes, wanting to cycle. My teacher was horrible and used to call me names and compare me to other children whom she liked better than me. We had a few lessons on stories from the Quran and the prophets and Islamic history. As fascinating as those were it didn’t make up for the misery of the remaining time there. I hated it, OP, and I feel sorry for your nephew.

My daughter attended Madrassah through primary school and up to year 8. Over the years she also did swimming, netball, horse riding, athletics, ice skating etc etc. Yes, it was a push at times but it is possible. As others have said, in a good madrassah the lessons will be age appropriate.

There are a lot of online resources these days whereby madrasa can be done at home in a more manageable way. There are fun you tube videos that teach daily duahs. There are structured online classes that he can join. Even options for 1-1 learning through video lessons which can be done at your own schedule. So many options these days without having to physically attend a madrasa. Ultimately it will depend on what your sister wants for him.