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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

38weeks pregnant and he's just said this !

53 replies

holdmeinyourarms · 02/09/2021 19:55

" your body will go back to normal after won't it "
I feel really frustrated I'm carrying on the big side I was tiny before but I do love my huge bump but noW im thinking he won't like me after If I don't lose the baby weight, im 38 weeks and this has really upset me Aibu to be annoyed ?

OP posts:

tickledtiger · 02/09/2021 22:12

@FTEngineerM I read “climb in” in a deadpan voice in my mind and it’s hilarious.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2021 22:13

I assume he's normally this stupid.

Greygreenblue · 02/09/2021 22:58

It’s not surprising that you are carrying big if you were tiny before - if you have a narrow short frame there’s nowhere else for the baby to go but out. I am not sure that you’d refer to pre-baby me as tiny but I have a short torso (to point an obstetrician commented on it along the way) so I was enormous. When I had my first I got lots of “are you sure it isn’t twins” comments…. Then I had twins and got to 38 weeks. My maternity clothes didn’t cover the bump by the end and pics of me around then look almost fake.

Also your husband is a dick. If mine had said anything like that to me at any point, before or after birth I’m really not sure what I would have done. I’m furious on your behalf…

cherish123 · 02/09/2021 23:03

It was a stupid thing of him to say but you will go back to normal quite quickly. You'll be all over the place with the pram, rushing around.

Lockeddownagain · 02/09/2021 23:12

Tell him you are days away from pushinga fully formed human out of your vagina so what does he think?
Of course It won't

Regularsizedrudy · 02/09/2021 23:15

What a spectacularly stupid and insensitive thing to say

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/09/2021 08:02

@cherish123

It was a stupid thing of him to say but you will go back to normal quite quickly. You'll be all over the place with the pram, rushing around.

Clearly this isn't the case with a huge number of women so it's a silly thing to say. Also, breasts will likely be permanently changed, stretch marks are likely (and permanent) not to mention other permanent changes such as hips widening and feet growing which have nothing to do with weight.

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 03/09/2021 08:07

What a bellend. Hope you gave him what for, there was no need for such a rude and insensitive comment.

Hemingwaycat · 03/09/2021 08:08

It was a stupid thing of him to say but you will go back to normal quite quickly. You'll be all over the place with the pram, rushing around.

I admire your optimism but this isn’t always true so pointless getting OP’s hopes up. I walk 5 miles a day with a double pram including uphill but I barely lose any weight at all because I’m still breastfeeding my 13 month old and breastfeeding has always made my body cling to fat rather than lose it. I’m planning on stopping sooner rather than later then throwing myself into losing the remaining weight.

It differs massively so it’s hard to say. Some people ping back to how they were pre-pregnancy but most women change a little. Your breasts might get saggier, you might have loose skin or a slightly overhang on your stomach, maybe stretch marks. It’s all part of the parcel and something you learn to accept.

Namenic · 03/09/2021 08:17

Well he is partially responsible and I hope he will be taking a greater burden of childcare after the baby is born so that you can recover from the physical and mental toll on you that the pregnancy has had.

londonrach · 03/09/2021 08:19

What a horrible thing to say. Sadly it doesn't. You've grown another human in your body and your tummy muscle s aren't the same but it's worth it.

AntiSocialDistancer · 03/09/2021 08:20

@B1rthis

Dead man walking it's lucky you can't run fast at 38 weeks. Wonder if you can waddle and squish him like a bug?

🤣

Nooproblemoo · 03/09/2021 08:24

At an antenatal class one of the partners asked when his wife could start exercising again after giving birth. It didn't go down well with the midwife.

romdowa · 03/09/2021 08:27

He sounds a bit stupid but probably didn't mean it in a malicious way.

DrSbaitso · 03/09/2021 08:27

If this is his main concern, parenthood is going to hit him like a ton of bricks. He'll have to step up if he wants you to have the time and energy to lose the baby weight.

He's shit in bed, isn't he? Men who know nothing about women's bodies but feel entitled to them always are.

TillyTopper · 03/09/2021 08:37

Tell him it won't go back, not without a lot of gym work and sleep. He will have to look after the baby whilst you go. Then use the free time for coffee, reading, recovery, whatever.

PurpleOkapi · 03/09/2021 09:49

YANBU to be less than pleased by this comment. YABU for either not noticing or not caring that he knew less than nothing about how babies are made before deciding to make one with him.

Notjustanymum · 03/09/2021 10:02

Weeeeeelllllll... it depends how much support you provide, dear. Y’know, extra housework and night feeds so I can have at least as much of a chance to return to “normal” as you will...

Peace43 · 03/09/2021 10:27

Who knows. I look much the same as I did before. No stretch marks, similar weight, boobs are bigger but I'm used to it now. (She is 10!) but I need to wee more often than I did pre-baby. My hips (I had bad SPD) were never quite the same again. The piles eventually went. Mostly I'd say no-one but me would really notice the difference.

That's not true for all women and to be honest by the time I had headspace to think about it she was 3! Ignore him, he is just being a twat!

Eralos · 03/09/2021 10:29

I don’t think he’s unreasonable to have these thoughts but it’s unfair to voice them to you. Everyone is concerned about big changes but he should be supporting you and making you feel beautiful.

BrisbaneandGone · 03/09/2021 10:30

OP isn't asking whether her body will go back to normal, she's saying she's pissed off that her husband asked whether it will. Why would he ask that? What possible response did he expect?

PumpkinKlNG · 03/09/2021 10:30

Reminds me of when my ex said to me 10 days after I gave birth “wow your bellies still really big” when I got annoyed he said he was worried apparently that something was wrong, yeah cos that makes it better

Vallmo47 · 03/09/2021 10:33

YANBU. What a charmer.

LaMadrilena · 03/09/2021 10:33

He is being a bit dim. When I expressed worries to my DH about how my body would be after pregnancy, he always told me not to worry, that it would go back to normal eventually. He meant it to be reassuring, but it did make me feel that he hadn't even contemplated that any change might be permanent and that he might not like me as much as before. He just needed a bit of educating. I've never met a 40 y o who knew so little about pregnancy/babies despite having 3 nephews! But he's learning quickly

Don't let it worry you too much - if he's a first-time dad, there's so much of this that is a complete mystery to him. He'll work it out. But you're not really being U to be upset by the comment!

MarylinMonrue · 03/09/2021 10:53

YABU if you knew he apparently had a room-temperature IQ when you married him.

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