Have any of you regretted leaving your husband (if he was awful)?

[lemonadecar]

That's it really.

I'm almost ready to leave and he has been truly awful to me, but it's so tricky because
a) it's against my usual style (just get on with things, never be the centre of gossip)
b) he is successful and charming to people outside the relationship, so it will not make sense in public
c) money worries, as I earn a lot less than him.
Oh and
d), of course, the kids. I am not so much worried about them missing out but about not being there to mitigate his crap parenting and manipulative emotional style.

Has anyone ever left someone like this and regretted it?

No regrets at all. My husband was an abusive alcoholic but on the face of it he was a nice, functional man. And I did get a lot of from people who didn't see him all that often, most specifically my mum, when I told them the marriage was over. And yes, we did have some tight finances until he died and I inherited everything (because not yet divorced). Regrets? Not a single one.

The parenting situation didn't arise for me, DDs were 15 and 17 and made it very clear they wanted no contact.

My only regret was I put up with it for too long !
I don’t think you can regret leaving something that isn’t good for you. It can be lonely initially but incredibly worthwhile.

This is really useful, thanks everyone

Like @RoseMartha
I also left a man like this and do not regret it. What I do regret is agonising over it for so long and not doing it sooner.

Me too. No regrets. It has been hard for me with such young children however it was so so so much worse dealing daily with the fallouts from constant conflict and unpleasantness with ex.

Hardest part was making a decision. I haven’t looked back.

No regrets here. He was never a family man which is why I left. The only problem I have now is that he's rarely in the children's lives. He hasn't seen them for months and isn't bothered at all. I'm very much a lone parent and he barely helps me financially either (he's self-employed and doesn't declare half his earnings). He's had girlfriends but they always end up leaving him. Just a very irresponsible person overall so I'm well out of it. The kids are happy too. It's hard though, having all the financial and parental responsibility. I can't deny that. My career prospects are very limited too due to childcare.

No, I haven't regretted it once.

Becoming a single parent has had its moments and life can be challenging. However not once have I regretted it.

No life is simpler, easier and better for my kids. No gaslighting, threats, manipulation and mind games. No violence, insults and criticism.

How could staying be better than that?

It was the best decision I've ever made. Being a single parent is hard , but living with an idiot that gets a kick out of sabotaging your efforts to make a nice life for your kids is so much harder.

Left mine, all I do is wish I’d left sooner. So much wasted time, energy and emotion

Following along as I'm in the early stages of this and wobbling a bit. Mine isn't "that" bad it's more subtle and insidious but overall he's not a very nice person underneath the facade.

Wishing you well OP!

He tried to make me regret it, but the moments of pure peace are so damn lovely.

Condolences to my successor.

Oh, hang in there @recessed! I know exactly what you mean.

Never regretted it for a nano second.

Just wish I had done it sooner.

Left when my kids were two and two months respectively, left our home, my job, everything. No regrets, not one, not ever. Have been single for six years, and now dating again. Got a great job now, nice place to live, lovely friends. Happy as anything I don’t need to put up with his shit anymore. I’m stronger (emotionally) than ever. Seriously, don’t waste another day wondering if and when.

You need to stop thinking about 'public' and 'gossip' the only thing that matters is what's going on in your life not how it seems from the outside.

I left a violent and manipulative man and I go through phases of regret.

I don't miss the walking on eggshells or the financial control or the violence.

But I do regret it because of the effect its had on my DD, she hates having two homes, and I can see ExH trying to use her to sit control me and manipulate me.

I'm also the poorest I've ever been and the most exhausted as well.

Most of the time I love being a lone but their are times where I find myself wondering why I didn't just put up with it until DD was older (left when she was a toddler, she's now 7)

Never. Wish I'd done it sooner, but it is what it is. Everyone is much better off, and their father is nicer to them than he would be living with them, that's for damned sure.

The only thing I regret is not ending things sooner.

I had no kids with my ex husband but left because I had got to the end of my tether with the hitting and cheating. I just felt relief when I finally moved into my own flat and even people at work said I was like a different person.

You’re right @TatianaBis, good advice