To want reasons to stay single

[mumofthreesmallmen3]

I'm feeling like I really want to settle down I've been alone a while after split from kids dad,about 5 years, can anyone cheer me up with the upsides 😃

Well I'm not single but my dp does not and will not live with us until kids are grown. I like the autonomy and control on finances, decisions big and small, bed to myself most of the time, no expectation that someone else might do something and then be let down. I can plan and cook what I want, run to my own timetable etc. Dp can be quite mansplainy and always has a different view of how he would tackle a job so I like being able to just say 'OK, but I'm doing it this way'. If we were together more or cohabited I could see it getting tetchy.

I'm not single, but I really enjoyed it when I was. Watch what you want, go where you want, eat what you want, do whatever you want, no compromising, no explaining, no arguing. I settled down mid-thirties because I was determined not to unless I found someone who would actually improve my life. Too many people settle just for the sake of settling down.

Lots of studies to show single women live longer happier lives

I've done it all, marriage, shack ups, engagements.
I'm just not a very good girlfriend or wife if the truth be known so now I'm single (with flings) I'm the happiest I've ever been. I can be the perfect fling!
I have good income, family, friends (a dog or cat helps)
Gorgeous home and that's about it really. Enjoy listening to your own music/tv, eat drink when where and what you like and see people when you want. There are many more positives I can say tat hand on heart.

To be honest I find the information conflicting online about whether single or married women are happier/live longer etc.
Perhaps it varies. I prefer single but that's just me.

I've been single for 3 months now (after nearly 30 years of 2 long term relationships) and can definitely say I've never been happier!

I get to do what I want, when I want, without having to take someone else's likes and dislikes into account and I don't have to change my plans to suit anyone else.
I have lots of friends and can spend time with them without any partner getting jealous.
I don't have to stress about what he might have meant by something or what he's thinking or what he thought I might have meant by something.

Oh it's all just so much easier!

The only down side is people keep trying to match me with their single friends. I'm just not interested!!

I've been feeling slightly jealous of all of you happy couples ha and wanted some reasons 🤣 tbh I don't understand how people with kids do it but maybe I'm thinking about it all wrong,5 years is quite a while missing a mate lol just seems verrry difficult to blend a family,maybe when it is right it won't be difficult 🙂

It’s single childless women said to be the happiest just making that point! I’m pretty sure single women with children are said to be the unhappiest, sorry but just pointing that out. I’ve also been split up for 5 years from my ex.

The mess that's created and tidied up is your doing. Nothing worse than picking up, washing up and seeing mess caused by someone else who has no inclination to tidy up their own crap so you get so pissed off about it you do it.

My partner lives with me and I find it so difficult. I'm not cut out to share my living space with someone.

It's nice not to worry about rejection and the 'does he still like/love me' and cheating that I've found to be a feature of my life. I do miss affection and hugs but not enough to risk getting my heart broken again. The feeling of not being good enough was soul destroying but perhaps I've just been really unlucky.

I have been single 6 years OP. I know what you mean, I think the being with someone would be nice (sometimes).

Although it will take someone very special for me to change how I live life now. I do have an independence that I know I wouldn't have if I was coupled up with someone.

It just would be nice to have a conversation with an adult that I am not blood related to on an evening. I love my dc to bits, but there is only so much teen speak I can handle in a week, this slaps, that burns etc etc.

I went a two Tinder dates. It was enough to put me off again, so perhaps try that as an option to make things clearer in your mind.

@Rainbowqueeen

Lots of studies to show single women live longer happier lives

This.

● Vastly lower domestic burden
● Less expense, more savings, better investments
● 100% guaranteed absence of (new) domestic abuse
● The ability to suit yourself for the rest of your life.

Magical.

@PumpkinKlNG

It’s single childless women said to be the happiest just making that point! I’m pretty sure single women with children are said to be the unhappiest, sorry but just pointing that out. I’ve also been split up for 5 years from my ex.

True, but I bet Mum's happiness rockets when the youngest turns 18 and she can block Dad.

@Mermaidwaves

It's nice not to worry about rejection and the 'does he still like/love me' and cheating that I've found to be a feature of my life. I do miss affection and hugs but not enough to risk getting my heart broken again. The feeling of not being good enough was soul destroying but perhaps I've just been really unlucky.

I spoke in favour of being single, but I do think you've been unlucky. Certainly better to be single that put up with that shit, but a relationship doesn't have to be that way.

I'm single, no kids, late 40's. I'm currently sitting in a pub garden on holiday on my own. I'm in a place of my choice, having got up when I wanted, having lunch when I wanted, I'll go for a long walk this afternoon where and when I want and then will curl up with a book and/or the remote control plus a glass of wine this evening. I love being single, I am fully in control of my life and 100% independent. I genuinely can't imagine me ever giving up my freedom for a man.

Take a look at the step parenting board. It's not at all easy and can bring a huge raft of problems. It's not something I want any part of. My relationship is completely separate to my life as a parent. Dp understands I'm limited in my free time and has plenty of his own hobbies etc going on. Also, I want stability for me. If he or I decide to end it, nothing much changes. I stop seeing him. I don't lose my home or my coparent or my financier.

I get missing having a partner. Having all the weight of decision making on you is hard, especially if you and your ex can't or won't coparent well. Everything always being up to you is hard. Relentless. But no step parent will ever have the same dynamic with your kids and within the family as their dad (unless they are 100% on the scene from babyhood). You can't get that back. For me, being single or having the sort of 'arms length' relationship I have is the best solution and I don't see it necessarily as a make do or second best to a 'proper' relationship. It's just different.

I think of humans as hamsters. Perfectly happy in their own cages, put them together and they instantly want to kill each other.

Having a bf/companion who will frequently go back to his own home is maybe the ideal, but tbh I'm enjoying my netflix subscription more by myself.

@HugeAckmansWifehugeAckmans wife, that's what I do, head over to the stepparents board if ever feel lonely. It does make me feel better about being single. Most if the time I'm okay about it. Just sometimes it's hard

Don't get me wrong, having a dp is great. On my child free weekends I have someone to go out with, away with, whatever. He spoils me, treats me, does nice things on my birthday etc but 'arms length' is a perfect set up for me. And if it did end, I've learnt to be very happy in my own company.