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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snoring

31 replies

CrossUniStudent · 01/09/2021 09:19

My dh snores. It makes me tired and grumpy and I can't function.

In the past it comes and goes so hasn't been a constant issue. I've asked him in the past to sort it, but then it disappears so it never happens. over lockdown he's put on weight and he now snores in every single fucking position he lies in. Over summer I've been able to lie in a bit to catch up on sleep after he gets up for work but our kids went back to school today.

Two weeks ago I asked him again to do something about it. I'm pretty sure he has sleep apnea too as he stops breathing and I often nudge him then he does a big loud snort, then carries on fucking snoring so I told him and said he should see the GP about that but that he also needs to lose weight/exercise as that's what the GP will also tell him (he's always been overweight, it doesn't bother me but I can't hack the snoring anymore, in the past exercise has reduced the snoring even if he hasn't lost weight doing it).

I had two hours unbroken sleep last night. I had plans to do lots of diy stuff around the house today but I'm so exhausted I want to cry.

Even if I dumped him on the sofa he probably still wouldn't fucking do anything about it. I don't even know why I'm posting. He never does anything about anything and this goes so much deeper than snoring.

Aibu to kick him out?

OP posts:
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 01/09/2021 09:57

He has to try and lose weight.

RincewindsHat · 01/09/2021 10:01

You need to sleep in separate rooms.

Blackalice · 01/09/2021 10:01

My DH is a snorer and for the past few years has slept in a different bedroom. My best friend's DP also sleeps in a spare room for snoring. I think it has saved our marriage to be honest.

TheGoogleMum · 01/09/2021 10:12

My DH is like that sometimes (much worse if he has a cold). Lying on back will be noisiest so try to roll him over. GP will probably just tell him to lose weight tbh

Candycotton · 01/09/2021 10:24

My partner is a snorer too, we haven't shared a room in over a year. He keeps saying he wants to come back in but I have said to him at the end of the day both of us getting enough sleep far outweighs us sharing a bed to me, especially as we have really young children who don't always sleep through.

Is sleeping in different rooms an option?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/09/2021 10:28

He has to see the GP and start trying to lose weight immediately.

Can you go into separate rooms, at least until it gets sorted?

ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything · 01/09/2021 10:31

My DH snores like a freight train every damn night. I wear earplugs in bed and the nights he is too loud I go sleep on a camp bed in DS’s room. DH refuses to do anything about it saying he can’t help what he does when he’s asleep.

I snore now and again when I’ve got a cold or am very very tired. This morning he is almost triumphant that he recorded me snoring “like a hippo” last night and I stopped him sleeping. What am I supposed to do with that? I wasn’t feeling well and was knackered as am up throughout the night with DS. Sorry I kept him awake but I deal with this every night and don’t record him. Weirdo.

Honestly I wouldn’t blame you for putting a peg on his nose or sticking him under the patio. Constant snoring is torture. Is there somewhere else you can sleep?

BlueBellsArePretty · 01/09/2021 10:36

I'm sitting like a zombie at the moment from my husband's snoring. Went to sleep about 1am, dh woke me up when he went to the toilet at 3am then proceeded to snore and snore and snore. We're on holiday staying in a one room apartment so had nowhere to go. Eventually he shut up a bit at 7, I'm raging.

Xiaoxiong · 01/09/2021 10:46

Oh god I feel so horrible reading this as DH had to decamp to the spare room last night as I was snoring Blush I am within the healthy BMI range but only just, I could stand to lose a few kg but according to previous boyfriends (who compared notes with each other and DH at my wedding, the bastards) I snored even when I was a lithe size 8. I desperately wish I could control it or was aware when it was happening Sad

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 01/09/2021 10:51

I found keeping a rough note of how much lost sleep I've had becuase of his snoring every once and again helps. Sometimes it's reached 3 hours of me poking him before I'm able to get to sleep.

Original poster
CrossUniStudent · 01/09/2021 13:57

Unfortunately we don't have a spare room as we have 3 kids and a 3 bed house.

@TheGoogleMum I do nudge him to roll over and that used to work but not now. Now he snores on his back, both sides and when on his front!

He's offered to sleep on the sofa and call the GP after I lost my crap this morning Blush but that's what sleep deprivation does to me!

OP posts:
feellikeanalien · 01/09/2021 14:06

If he has put on weight then that will definitely be affecting the snoring.

I never used to snore but have put on weight recently and apparently I can sound like a pneumatic drill.

I went to the GP who referred me to the ENT people. At the end of the day the specialist told me to lose weight and take up a wind instrument!!
I also apparently have something at the back of my throat which is more "flappy" than it should be which also means I snore more.

It's awful for others. DD complains regularly and I am really embarrassed by it. Trying to lose weight but I am really finding it hard.

DismantledKing · 01/09/2021 14:07

I buy silicone earplugs from Sainsbury’s to block out snoring.

HavelockVetinari · 01/09/2021 14:12

@Xiaoxiong

Oh god I feel so horrible reading this as DH had to decamp to the spare room last night as I was snoring Blush I am within the healthy BMI range but only just, I could stand to lose a few kg but according to previous boyfriends (who compared notes with each other and DH at my wedding, the bastards) I snored even when I was a lithe size 8. I desperately wish I could control it or was aware when it was happening Sad
What have you tried to prevent it? Sprays, jaw positioners, nose strips, not drinking alcohol?

If you've done all those with no improvement then ask your GP for an ENT referral.

@feellikeanalien you can have surgery to help with the flappy bit, although obviously it's far simpler to lose the weight (but difficult, I know).

HummingBeeBox · 01/09/2021 14:21

Me and dp have started using nasal strips and mouth tape. Bloody marvellous! Stopped dp snoring as loudly and the apnea has dropped off too.

Heartofglass12345 · 01/09/2021 22:10

Mouth tape is dangerous if you have sleep apnoea (probably dangerous anyway!)
If he has sleep apnoea even if it is weight related he needs to get a referral to a sleep clinic. I have it and I have snored since I was little. I used to spend most days asleep while the kids were in school and could barely function. It's changed my life although the noise from the CPAP machine bothers him more than my snoring for some reason Confused

goose1964 · 01/09/2021 22:20

I have sleep apnoea and my husband told me that if I wanted to share a bed I needed to see the doctor. I was referred bro the sleep centre and was diagnosed (from the test) with severe sleep apnoea and was given a CPAP the same day. OMG it was amazing, I only had seven hours sleep, rather than the 10 to 12 I was having before but I felt a lot more rested. At no point was I nagged to lose weight, although I have lost 2 stone.

If you believe your OH has sleep apnoea please try to convince them to see a doctor as it can kill.

UrbanRambler · 01/09/2021 22:32

Take him up on his offer - sofa for him, on a permanent basis, until/unless he takes steps to sort it. Possibly if he loses weight and/or adjusts his sleeping position that might improve things, but ultimately he may need to use a CPAP machine if he has sleep apnoea (although the noise from the machine might still be a problem for you to sleep through).

Sleep deprivation is torture. DH snores like a freight train most nights, which is why we have slept in seperate rooms for years. He's not overweight though, so apart from trying throat surgery (which doesn't always work) I'm not sure there's much to be done.

Frazzledmummy123 · 01/09/2021 22:34

I feel really bad for you OP, I have same issue. My husband's snoring is terrible and has caused so many arguments (me prodding him after being woke up for umpteenth time and him shouting at me for waking him up Hmm ). We sleep in separate rooms and he sees it as an insult despite not doing anything about it. He also has restless legs and talks in his sleep too sp sharing a bed with him is hell Sad .

I honestly don't know what to suggest apart from sleeping separately so you get some sleep. Tiredness and parenting is torture, as is any sleep deprivation. I remember one time in a hotel with my husband actually bursting into tears with frustration at 3am after being woke up 6 times by his snoring and no sign of any peace Sad. I find snorers can get quite indignant about being called out on it.

Frazzledmummy123 · 01/09/2021 22:35

Btw, I forgot the comma, it was me who burst into tears not my husband Grin

Xiaoxiong · 02/09/2021 10:00

@HavelockVetinari I tried nose strips years ago and sleeping with a horseshoe pillow to keep my head straight, and not drinking (in fact my snoring was at its absolute worst during my pregnancies...poor DH!) and in fact have been under the care of the ENT since 2015 and had so many cameras stuck up my nose - I have a deviated septum and polyps but not bad enough for surgery apparently so I take saline and steroid sprays to try and reduce but it doesn't seem to be making much difference, I still snore often - though it has worked wonders on my allergies so that's good. I wish I could have surgery for snoring!!!

Luckily DH is a very heavy sleeper so as long as he drops off before me he says he's fine. But every so often it gets bad and he decamps to the spare room and I feel horrible!

On behalf of all snorers everywhere - sorry everyone and do what you need to do to get sleep!!!

EKGEMS · 02/09/2021 12:56

I had to lose my shit at early hours in the morning before my husband went to the doctor. He had a sleep study and was shocked how severe his apnea was. It scared him so now he uses a cpap machine religiously. His sleep doctor is shocked by how compliant he is with the machine. Good luck OP

HavelockVetinari · 02/09/2021 20:33

[quote Xiaoxiong]@HavelockVetinari I tried nose strips years ago and sleeping with a horseshoe pillow to keep my head straight, and not drinking (in fact my snoring was at its absolute worst during my pregnancies...poor DH!) and in fact have been under the care of the ENT since 2015 and had so many cameras stuck up my nose - I have a deviated septum and polyps but not bad enough for surgery apparently so I take saline and steroid sprays to try and reduce but it doesn't seem to be making much difference, I still snore often - though it has worked wonders on my allergies so that's good. I wish I could have surgery for snoring!!!

Luckily DH is a very heavy sleeper so as long as he drops off before me he says he's fine. But every so often it gets bad and he decamps to the spare room and I feel horrible!

On behalf of all snorers everywhere - sorry everyone and do what you need to do to get sleep!!![/quote]
Don't be sorry - you are lovely and caring to have gone through all of that. Flowers

I'm guessing you're a woman - on MN it's almost always men who snore but refuse to do anything to prevent it, selfish arseholes.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 02/09/2021 20:37

I have a cpap machine from the NHS and I dont snore any more. Why the hell won't he do anything? He will have a heart attack if he doesn't and you can get your driving licence taken away if you crash the car with sleep apnoea.
All he has to do id email his GP for a referral.

NecklessMumster · 02/09/2021 20:44

My DP now has a cpap on the nhs but I had 20 years of his snoring which gradually got worse. Get him to the gp for a referral to the sleep clinic, wish we'd done it years ago.