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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I should be allowed to teach DS to drive?

49 replies

WellThisIsAnnoyingFFS · 31/08/2021 14:42

I have held a full driving license since 1994. In May 2018 I surrendered it voluntarily
after a seizure out of the blue. After being diagnosed with epilepsy but only seizures from sleep, I applied for the return of my licence, satisfied all the criteria and my licence was returned October 2020.

So I have over 25 years driving experience and I now have a motability car which is fully insured for myself and learner drivers/under 25s etc.

Yet I cannot supervise my DC learning to drive as I haven't held my current licence for three years Hmm

Is it me or is this really annoying, especially the cost of driving lessons being so horrific? DS would of course have a course of lessons from a proper professional before I supervised him myself, but I would have liked to have been able to take him for practice.

I'm actually really fucked off about it, losing my license in the first place was a huge change for me and I lost so much independence. Now I have it back but I'm still being penalised for something that isn't my fault and doesn't seem to have any common sense behind it. I surrendered my licence voluntarily, it wasn't revoked and I am cleared as fit to drive. I have been driving since 1994 with never as much as a speeding ticket but yet I can't teach my DCs to drive because of this stupid restriction.

AIBU to be frustrated by this?

(I'm really hoping someone will come and say DVLA have given me wrong information here!)

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 31/08/2021 15:43

Stick dh in the back with ipad and headphones. Bit like toddler Grin

Original poster
WellThisIsAnnoyingFFS · 31/08/2021 15:44

I take peoples' point (and ironically I do think people should be retested after a certain age, I know you have renew at 70 but there doesn't seem to be any tests as such unless you declare a medical condition at that stage).

In all honestly I do feel just as competent driving as I did before. I used to drive as part of my job so have done a lot of miles in cities/rural/motorway etc. I love driving!Genuinely who would people prefer to supervise their learning DC - me, or someone who is 81 and just self declares as safe to the DVLA - perhaps they haven't set foot in a car in the last 10 years but yet they are fine as they've had their licence for over 3 years Hmm

@Elieza I hate to sound like a knob when you have been kind enough to reply but do you think you could do with some refresher lessons? It sounds like you would certainly benefit.

OP posts:
pianolessons1 · 31/08/2021 15:46

@WellThisIsAnnoyingFFS

And even more ironically, DH is legally fine to supervise as has held a licence for long enough - but he doesn't want to as he knows he doesn't have the patience (or the time!) and it would be counter productive. So we are all trying to do the "right thing" but are being frustrated by a lack of common sense in the rules
Easy. You suoervise him with DH in the back of the car.
icedcoffees · 31/08/2021 15:49

Easy. You suoervise him with DH in the back of the car.

You must not do this. The person supervising has to be able to step in if something happens, and they can't do that from the back. The person supervising must be in the front and be paying attention so they can take over/give instruction/grab the wheel if necessary.

Original poster
WellThisIsAnnoyingFFS · 31/08/2021 15:51

Yes I can see the flaws in the "DH and I together" plan now I think it over. Apart from the legal side, it would probably end in our divorce as well as DS going no contact with DH for, ooooh forever Grin

This is what's so annoying! I'm really well behaved and law abiding, I couldn't bring myself to break any rules even if I tried

I also learnt a lot of interesting stuff as someone forced to be a passenger, like the Dutch Reach when opening a door (OK that was because I dislocated my shoulder and it made me realise how much safer it was opening the doors like that, but still!)

Honestly I love driving. I also think it's such a useful skill to have and it's a lot easier to do it when you're 17 than when you've embarked on adult life with DC and bills and lack of time etc etc. I'd love to assist my
DC to gain experience and skills.

OP posts:
Original poster
WellThisIsAnnoyingFFS · 31/08/2021 15:53

I also love learning new stuff from
MN so just in case anyone else hadn't heard of it....

On a related note, I also learnt from MN about the little arrow on the fuel gauge pointing to which side the petrol cap is on! (In some cars, not all).

www.theaa.com/driving-advice/safety/dutch-reach

OP posts:
Elieza · 31/08/2021 15:53

OP the things I do are things which are not life threatening. However they are things you would fail a test on.

Do you know the answers to the things I suggested?

Do any of you who think yourselves good drivers?

It’s things we do every day. That are fine but considered fails in a driving test!

MotherOfCrocodiles · 31/08/2021 15:58

I thought if you were not on the public highway you didn't need a license?? So maybe you'd be ok to practice manoeuvres with him in the car park?

Original poster
WellThisIsAnnoyingFFS · 31/08/2021 16:03

@Elieza I admit I probably couldn't tell you the exact stopping distance figures to the nearest metre/feet these days but ironically I was going to revise all that so I had the figures to test DS! Admittedly it was a shock this is all online not in a tiny bookSmile

I certainly know which gears to drive in for the road conditions etc and I know that 9 and 3 is the new 10 to 2 because of airbags etc...

I'm sure every single one of who has been driving for decades does have "bad habits" but if I had DS in the car I would be trying to drive as though I was sitting my driving test.

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 31/08/2021 16:09

I'm my opinion you did have a license, from when you passed your test, you just flagged it with the DVLA and chose to not drive for those few months while your medical team confirmed that you could keep it/were safe to continue driving. I know that legally it might be a bit different...

Also do you need a license if you are driving on private land?

muddyford · 31/08/2021 16:23

My stepdaughter has a Motability car and her insurance from them would not allow her to teach her daughter in it. She has to give notice if anyone other than her is going to drive it and it has to be for her benefit. For example, her friend can drive her to the supermarket but cannot then drive elsewhere on her own errands. The car is for the benefit of the disabled person.

sillysmiles · 31/08/2021 16:38

Is it not only another 6 months until you can teach him though? In the meantime do the carpark stuff and have him do the professional lessons and then once you hit the 3 yr mark you can teach him.

Original poster
WellThisIsAnnoyingFFS · 31/08/2021 16:39

@Spanielsarepainless A motability customer can have three named drivers (but you can only have one provisional holder as a named driver) I checked with Motability as the car I wanted initially was limited to over 25s sadly. They said a driving instructor can also be added as named driver. There are the best company to deal with, so helpful and friendly and efficient.

OP posts:
thisismyhill · 31/08/2021 17:26

How old is your child? With motability they have to be over 21 to learn to drive in the car

IridescentPurple · 31/08/2021 18:28

To drive my daughter's motability car you have to have a full driving licence.

earlydoors42 · 31/08/2021 18:43

How come you got PIP mobility if your seizures are all from sleep and so wouldn't affect you out and about?

Booknooks · 31/08/2021 18:48

The wait list is long for lessons and tests anyway at the moment, why doesn't he have some actual lessons and then by the time you are able to legally take him out he will get more benefit from them.

OnceTheyDid · 31/08/2021 20:07

@earlydoors42 what a rude question!

I have epilepsy and also lost my licence for 1 year from its onset. Same situation as I not can not teach my son. Which sucks.

For the poster who said about making mistakes after not driving after a year - by the time I had driven to the end of the road it felt like I'd never stopped. I can imagine if you had only been driving for a couple of years it would be difficult to start again
.. but not after 33 years of driving !

titchy · 31/08/2021 20:13

Honestly I know you've said you wanted to teach him, but hand on heart the single most stressful thing I have done in recent years is teach my offspring to drive. It's just terrifying. Get your dh to take him out just the once while you sit in the back - you'll be thankful not to be able to do it afterwards I guarantee....😱

GiveMeAUserName123 · 31/08/2021 20:14

Just go to a car park and do it. I had lots of lessons and tests and failed. My boyfriend took me to a car park and after one week with him I could do it- what can I say, he just gets me. Done 5 lessons as I had too then passed my test with just one mark. Been driving over 16 years now and not one accident/crash/mishap.

Soveryhungry · 31/08/2021 20:15

Oh no. I had no idea about this. My DH had to surrender his license on medical grounds and was given it back 1 year ago. It is subject to medical review every 3 years, where it will be assessed and a new license (hopefully) issued. Does this mean he will never be able to legally supervise me learning? I really hope this isn't the case, I really need to learn to drive in case his condition means it's necessary in the future, and am so anxious that I was hoping to do lots of hours with him in between lessons.

Thanks for drawing attention to this OP, I never would have thought to check but will look into it properly now.

Mousecapade · 31/08/2021 20:46

I will be honest I hate teaching my DC to drive, I thought I would like it and it would save money, but it’s really really hard. I would rather they were taught properly and then I will just help with some extra practice when they are almost ready for their test.

Original poster
WellThisIsAnnoyingFFS · 31/08/2021 21:08

@earlydoors42

How come you got PIP mobility if your seizures are all from sleep and so wouldn't affect you out and about?
It's none of your fucking business quite frankly. I have been receiving PIP prior to the epilepsy diagnosis, but it's fuck all to do with this thread and the topic at hand. Do you always go around demanding people answer random questions you have about their health? I suggest you stop, especially if you do it in RL as well.

Thanks to all who have contributed and Thanks for recent posters in same situation.

OP posts:
lockdownmadnessdotcom · 31/08/2021 21:20

This page doesn't mention the "current" bit: www.gov.uk/driving-lessons-learning-to-drive/practising-with-family-or-friends

Anyone you practise your driving with (without paying them) must:

be over 21
be qualified to drive the type of vehicle you want to learn in, for example they must have a manual car licence if they’re supervising you in a manual car
have had their full driving licence for 3 years (from the UK, the EU, Switzerland, Norway, Iceland or Liechtenstein)

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