AIBU to ask my Dad to take my baby for the day

[GrewUp]

Because I just can't cope with him 😭 I don't know how people manage this. I am so tired. He hasn't slept properly for days now, I feel like a walking zombie.

I just want to get into bed all day and not be clawed at or whinged at or needed.

I feel like I should be able to just get on with it but instead I want to ring my Dad this morning and ask him to just come and get him for the day because I can't do another one on no sleep.

(My husband is working away so no way he can help right now).

What helped with my first baby who only ever slept for 30 minutes am and pm was to go out walking, just short walks 3 times a day. He was so much happier just laying there looking at the trees. After a while he relaxed and slept for longer in the day. With my second child, he was the complete opposite, would sleep all day.

My baby didn't sleep (turned out to be huge adenoids and tonsils) and I remember the feeling so well. I had an amazing Home Start visitor (available to anyone struggling with an under 5 for any reason. Fully recommend - my husband worked away and we'd just moved). But I do remember when she tried to "get me out" and the grass moving up and down and being so aware how impossible it is to function on sustained pack of sleep. I remember seeing my dr but saying it wasnt really depression but lack of sleep.

My dad refused to help. This thread really helps me to know that that is unusual. It's so hard to see "normal."

Sorry that's my "stuff" but the thread's helped me see he wasnt right!

As for OP - get any help you can. I wish we could have paid for help looking back so I had reliable person looking after baby and I could sleep/have a break while husbNd was away. If there's anyway you can afford this please do this!

Just to say - sleep training might be one solution but you need to be in quite a strong place and probably have your husband around too in order to help with it, so I'm not sure it's the answer right now.

I know people always tout co-sleeping on these threads and it doesn't work for everyone but I'd give it a try in your situation - as a pp said, check out the Lullaby Trust for information on how to do it safely. For me personally it was a lifesaver and meant I never got to that zombie point of tiredness.

My eldest barely slept and it was exhausting,I used to look at other parents with their babies looking so perfect and doing so well while I just felt like I was failing miserably. It did get better eventually, it wasn't an overnight change it happened so gradually that at first I didn't even notice her sleeping better. Personally I didn't sleep train it isn't something I was ever comfortable with but I know that it does work for alot of people but maybe wait until your husband is back to support you if that's possible? Until then do what you can to get through the day, ask for help and don't push yourself too hard. Babies are exhausting and the lack of sleep is torture. It really doesn't last forever (even if feels like that sometimes).

@GrewUp

Thank you! He's unfortunately busy today doing something he can't get out of, he was quite upset actually that he couldn't help me today. But he's coming tomorrow at 8 to collect DS so just one more day to get through!

Son is 6 months old. I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous but I feel too exhausted to contemplate sleep training which is stupid as it sounds like it would help me sleep more in the long run?! I just can't bring myself to start it, right now I'd literally do anything for even an hour's sleep even if it means DS co sleeping with me.

The thought of even a few nights of no sleep doing sleep training fills me with dread. Hopefully if I'm more rested I might be able to start giving it a go. If you have any useful links I'll definitely take a look though. It all looks so daunting when I've googled it.

I feel like so many other people look so put together with their babies. I've not stepped out of my pyjamas or washed my hair for days. I joined the gym the last time I had a good night's sleep a few weeks ago to get back into shape and I've mustered the energy to go once 🤦‍♀️

The best group I've found on facebook is Respectful Sleep Training/Learning. Lots of evidence based info in the group files.

We used Ferber but there are other methods. It can be a tough few days but it's so worth it in the long run. DS went from waking every hour or two overnight for the first six months to sleeping ten hour stretches. At 21 months now he sleeps 615pm until 7am with two naps in the day, he sleeps 15hr in 24hr! He's the best sleeper I've ever met and it's all thanks to helping him learn how to get good restful sleep and fall asleep independently. It's much easier when they're younger so I wouldn't leave it too long, maybe try get some rest and then get started. The younger they are the easier it is and it's so easy to think they'll sleep better eventually and let it continue and then before you know it you're up five times per night with a toddler.

Bedsharing is dangerous and even when done as safely as possible using the advice from the Lullaby Trust it nearly triples the risk of SIDS and introduces new risks such as suffocation, strangulation and other types of sleep related infant death. It also especially shouldn't be done when you're exhausted because you sleep more deeply and are more likely to roll onto him and smother him. Even the most conservative estimate shows that the risk of suffocation is 20x higher when your baby is in your bed rather than their cot.

Sorry to be so blunt but bedsharing is one of the most dangerous things you can do for your baby so if you feel at risk of bringing him into your bed absolutely do whatever you need to to ensure that doesn't happen. It only takes once. You got this. Hope you get some rest while DS is with his granddad.

I remember those days so well. You have my sympathy. Don’t know how people cope when their partners work away, or if they are a single parent.

Sympathy OP, I remember that stage (4-6 months) being much more exhausting than the newborn stage. For me, it only got better when my Mum came to stay, saw how little sleep I was getting and convinced me to put DD in her own room (at 6 months), we then did some gentle sleep training a few weeks later and it helped massively. I know lots of people will tell you sleep training is wrong, but personally I think I would have had a breakdown without it, and there are gradual ways of doing it so you’re not just leaving them crying.

My advice is ditch the gym membership. It's just another thing you beat yourself with a stock over when you can't make it.

Instead try and get out for a 30 minute walk each day with ds in the buggy. Walk as fast as you can.

The fresh air does wonders for that tiredness and it 30 minutes you aren't being clawed!

Even more of a bargain if he falls asleep during it and you can grab a shower when you get back!

It's tough but it's absolutely right to ask for help if needed.

Delighted you reached out to your dad. Now he knows you need a hand he might arrange to drop by or take your tot out for a walk etc. He might have been waiting for the call. My parents are always dying to he asked but never want to feel like they're impinging (I live too far away but I know my mum is always hoping to get a call to help out my brothers).

You're doing a great job. Please never be afraid to ask for help.