To feel anxious and helpless in this situation.

[StormCattitude]

I don't know what to do, or what I can do. Ideally move house but that's just not an option right now.

Please advice on how you'd deal with this situation.

Group of local boys, 7-8 of them, regularly playing football in our small street. 6 of the boys live on the street. Age range roughly 8-11 yrs. Playing with heavy balls, not foam ones. Been occurring in some format for a number of years but as time goes on, they kick harder & are getting more cocky with it. The ball used to sometimes hit my house & car, I'd ask the boys to be careful & it might get better for an hour, maybe a day. A very few times one of the parents of one of the main kickers would come out while I was asking & I'd try to explain what was happening, the parent would never want to engage & would usually take the ball & the child in. But it'd start up again soon after, there was never any real change. I should mention we live literally around the corner from a decent sized park, eg 1 minute away.

This summer has been horrendous. In part because other kids who don't live on our street are joining the street gang, and one regular visitor in particular doesn't give a sh*t cos it's not where he lives & I couldn't speak to his parents if I wanted to. They regularly boot these balls full whack & on nights they're out with the football my house and car might get hit 4 or more times even though they know I'm home. I will ignore a light knock but the ones that can do damage, I usually hear them and go out to chk my car / house & ask them to be more careful (always try to be polite & explain why, not trying to stop their fun in the street, just don't want damage on my own house & car etc). Never shouted, always return their ball if they've not collected it already.

A friend recently suggested I put up a camera to cover my driveway incase of damage. Got a cheap one off Amazon, not great quality but I can see what's going / gone on even if away from home.

Took my kids away for 1 night before school later this week. Reviewed the camera at bedtime tonight to check all was quiet today (it's clear if we are home or not due to the car). Was I in for a shock.

6 full on hits on my house, several of which looked deliberate. Plus one lad (who doesn't live on the street) constantly standing and chilling out on my driveway even tho the other boys didn't really join him, it seemed clear he wanted to either show off to his mates, or knew he was on camera but what could I do.

I feel stumped. If I keep trying to speak directly with these boys I don't feel anything will change. If I do nothing, it will at best carry on as currently but at worst get worse. I have children of my own to consider in setting an example in what's acceptable etc. If I speak to the parents, well firstly there's several boys so at least 4 -5 sets of parents, some of whom I don't know where / who they are, those I know of I haven't had any good results with in the past, they just don't care as it doesn't affect them. If I go down the road of council / police, it could also stir this whole thing up further and cause issues when I sell at some point ahead.

I don't know if it's relevant (I think it is) that I'm on my own so there's no man to speak to these boys - which I think in situations like this young lads & other parents do take more notice of, the male thing & someone who can speak to them more on their level maybe (the boys). I've experienced with & without their dad about (he's totally not about now so can't help), unfortunately there's no question in my experience people discount you if they know you're alone without backup (I don't have family to step in either). I'm sure some people will disagree but this is my experience having lived both.

Sorry, turned into such a long post.

I just feel helpless in this situation. I don't know if I'm going to get home tomorrow to find damage to my house (camera doesn't face my house but looks out from it so although I know it got 6 full on hits I can't see the effects). I'm here on my trip away awake at gone 2am feeling sick worrying about it, on my only 1 night away with my kids since pre-covid. I feel my anxiety over it is also stopping me thinking clearly. I don't want to do anything that is going to antagonise these kids either, as I've little faith their parents will take control given at least the 3 on the street know & do nothing about it.

I guess I'd hoped / thought they'd grow out of this type of play too, but seeing every year it gets worse instead, I doubt that now.

Please someone help me work out how best to deal with this, maybe ideas / perspectives I've not considered before. Thanks for reading.

How horrible StormCattitude, I'd feel equally anxious and threatened by this. Kids this age in a group can be surprisingly intimidating and of course they grow up and you don't want them.holding a grudge. I Remember something similar as a child (had a dad but was very mild and made my poor mum do all the telling off) definitely agree if you seem a soft target they will enjoy the feeling of power over you, but if you try and fight back they might see that as a challenge and get more aggressive. For us it was throwing things into our garden and missiles of various types at the house. Mum planted a row of holly trees and roses and shrubs, stopped it.

Doesnt the ball hitting the car set your car alarm off?

Ideas:

• several of those electronic cat scarers right at front of your front garden. We had one, drove my 10 year old DD nuts. Depends how close they are whether it would put them off. Adult hearing is less sensitive so isnt as bothered by the high pitched beeping.

• drop a note through the doors of the three known parents, saying are they aware their sons are still kicking balls at your car, you want to put them on notice that damage has been done, you will be taking photos and if it happens again you will be going to the police and asking your insurance company to pursue them for the costs of repair to your car. Say if the kids want to play ball, please do it further along the street.

• be bold. When they start kicking your ball at the car, go out with your game face on, stand calmly beside your car. Take your phone, maybe even pre-arrange to be able to phone a friend or your mum so you can laugh and chat happily while you stand there. If the boys make comments do NOT engage, just turn aside slightly, but stay by the car. Do this every night they are there, if possible. If and when the ball comes at your car GRAB IT. It is on your property. Then swiftly go to your front door and open it. Call out to them calmly, "boys, ive asked you before not to kick the ball at my car. If you want the ball back, please bring one of your parents round tomorrow evening to explain why you keep kicking the ball at my car when I've asked you several times to stop." Shut the door on them. Ignore them completely if they ring the bell or stand on your drive. If you can stop the kids from your street playing on your drive, they will draw the other boys away from your house as not worth the aggro.

• simple solution for now: put your bins in front of your car (am assuming from what you say that car is on drive). If they kick ball at the bins, worst that happens is bin falls over. Obviously ensure contents in bin well-wrapped to avoid mess.

• talk to direct neighbours, see if they are sympathetic. The ball noise might annoy them too. See if they would agree to come out with you and sternly tell the kids to stop. I would do this if a neighbour asked me.

• could you put a gate across the driveway and then a tall hedge across front of your garden? Might not be feasible depending on the aesthetic of your front garden/street and how long your drive is. You can get arch-top wooden gates with a black metal frame about 6 foot in the middle, would be quite attractive and make it impossible to kick ball at car and the annoying boy wouldn't hang out on your driveway if there was a screen between them and their friends. This is a long term solution that means you have a nice secure front yard, but obviously £££

• buy a really big water pistol and drench the boy who keeps standing in your driveway. Not a serious suggestion.

Reading your post you could easily live on my street and I can empathise completely. I get frustrated too. I try to keep my child in when a majority are out there as I don't want them associated with the behaviour. They don't join in with the ball games, mostly enjoy wheeled activities but it worries me with cars moving and passing through or they sit and chat. They often come in themself because they know others are not behaving well and gets bullied for saying so / not taking part. I have tried talking to the boys and a few girls. As you say alot of cheek back and parents though generally ok don't care enough to actually deal with thier behaviour. The children from elsewhere... both riles and concerns me as they make no checks on them. I don't think it will end till the kids are older, and then I think we'll experience a whole host of other problems. Like yourself moving isn't an option sadly :( Will watch suggestions with interest.

You shouldn't have to but you can get some ball stop nets.
Do you know what school they go to? If it was me I would write a letter to parents and if this didn't help then I would speak to their school. I suggest school over police at this stage because schools don't really want their pupils in trouble with the police and their is more accountability as the head teacher will see them regularly. These kids are going to get bigger and more aggy so best to nip it in the bud before they do.
www.networldsports.co.uk/ball-stop-nets/stop-that-ball-socketed.html

Report it as anti social behaviour to the police

It's amazing how kids get away with this behavior and the parents turn a blind eye to it but it can really affect your life.
Put your big girl pants on and go and speak to all the parents of the kids on your street, explain again that they are deliberately targeting your house and car, tell them you now have had to install a camera and have footage of them damaging your car and house, tell them you expect them to stop their DC kicking the ball at your property. If you get any shitty responses say "I am giving you an opportunity to resolve this amicably, I have bought this to your attention before and their behaviour has got worse not better, my only recourse if you can't resolve this is to report their behaviour to the police and turn my cctv footage over to them" then walk away.
Alternatively, you could go out to the kids and unleash hell on them, give them the bollocking of their lives, something along the lines of "you little fers kick that ball at my property again, I'll take it off you and forcibly ram it down your fing throats, you little b**ds, now fk off and kick it at your own house" then when the parents come to berate you say "you can f*k off too and try parenting those kids or you'll be picking up your teeth with two broken arms"
Can you tell that I've had this sort of issue before, I'm an arsehole with a very short fuse.
I'd try the first approach for you but personally I'd have already gone out all guns blazing, what can I say, its the way I'm made 🙄
Good luck op

I'd keep video footage and a weekly log/diary of what happens and then get the police involved as it's anti-social behaviour. Get pictures of the culprits (you are allowed to film them in public) and hand these over too. If you have a safer-neighbourhood team (look online) they will send a uniformed officer round to each house where they will talk to the child and parents - knowing this might escalate is usually enough - and if you emphasise that you are a woman who lives alone who suffers anxiety (over-egg the pudding) that will help. Don't bother trying to appeal to the families' better natures as they sound a load of selfish gits!

I feel like sh*t, I've had about 4 hours sleep cos of this after a long drive yest & got a full on day ahead of fun for my kidswhich I can't tell you how much they deserve after nothing for about 2 years. I think our last night away was June 2019. This situation is really affecting my life.

Formally involving the police / Council though, that's something I'd have to declare when I'm able to sell. So I'm worried I'd risk trapping myself living in our house if it becomes unsaleable unless I drop the price to a level that won't allow me to relocate where I could have support (long term goal). Is it possible to informally chat to the police so that it doesn't need to be declared?

Thing is, I don't think anyone with a man in the household would get this sh*t off the kids anyway if they had my house. I honestly think this is happening from the kids & the parents letting it cos they know I've got my hands full in my own home with my own kids to be minding / monitoring / chasing theirs off.

Hopefully a shower will magically revitalise me for the day now.

I do keep excerpts of video of the ball coming onto my property when I've seen it. Over 60 incidents since April, of ball hitting my car or house.

Yesterday was a looooong day! I summoned my inner braveness & went to the kicky kids house when we got back home. The dad came to the door, and took no responsibility at all. Starting with denying it even happened until I think he remembered about my cameras 😆 then changed tack about how it's just normal kid behaviour & I'm cruel to stop them being kids. He said other equally nobby stuff but I don't want to out myself if they're on here listing the ridiculous things he said, he was obviously trying to patronise & provoke me. I didn't react.

I've raised it, asked for it to stop (again), made a note of the conversation. That'll have to do for now.

Today was quiet but I think it was because they were running errands a lot of the day with their kicky kids out with them. Not necessarily because anything has changed.

Well done for the visit. They'll be back at school soon and that will limit the times available and you can have an informal chat with a PCSO so you don't have to declare it. A wet autumn and shorter days will be your friend.

Why would you have to declare a dispute if you sold? It doesn't affect a house sale if you e.g. get mugged in your street or burgled. I thought the disputes that affected sale were things like planning permission arguments or your direct neighbours being noisy, not someone damaging your property?

We had slightly different situation a few years ago. Talked to local PCSO and they talked to parents. All parents were horrified to get visit from pcso and it stopped. Intermittently it rears its head again with different kids but then subsides quickly. I think a lot depends on how willing parents are to engage. I've no idea if we have to declare when we sell (we will be moving in next 2 -.3 years)

@PopcornMuncher
This exactly which is why I suggested it. Once parents realise their entitled little shits darlings are heading for an ASBO or, eventually, a trip down the local nick, it's amazing how supportive they become. Go for it OP, what have you got to lose?

You only have to declare it if there have been charges involved, not just reporting it to police. I’d get police involved at this point and log as anti social behaviour. If any of them are housed by social housing, it can count against them. Keep a diary.

Are any of them in social housing? A complaint to the housing association often gets results.

I might stop returning their ball so promptly, nothing to stop you from getting some peace by refusing to give it back until curfew and maybe when you do telling them that if it ends up on your property again it will be returned with a puncture.

I don't blame you for being concerned about the car but please chill a bit about the house. The chance of any damage being done to the house is tiny. I understand that it is infuriating but try not to worry about damage to the house. If any damage is done your house insurance will cover it and possibly claim costs back from the neighbour.

I think if you have a neighbour dispute you have to declare when you sell. I’d argue this isn’t a dispute. And isn’t this what PCSOs are for?

We all own our houses.

Well tonight the gang were out in force. I think word got out I'd spoken to one of their parents & it riled one troublesome boy. He was playing ball on my property front after I'd gone out, looking up at my camera then over at his mates, it felt really goading to watch. Thankfully none of the others joined him. Most of this lot aren't back in school until next week. Later I was walking back home with my child, had to walk through the middle of the gang who were spread across the street outside my house, they all stopped and just silently started at us until we'd passed through. Really trying to intimidate. I learnt later that one of the unknown boys (from a different neighbourhood) in the group had been gesturing at us behind our backs. All felt ridiculously intense when all I asked the kids dad was not to have his kids kick their ball at my house / car, which I've asked in the past but not had a reaction from any of them like this, this is on a different scale. I actually wondered if the parent had been telling the kids I'd said more than I did, like that I'd asked for them not to play out at all in the street (which I didn't), like he'd jumped to suggesting was what I was asking when I'd first spoken to him the other night. Just to stir things up perhaps. It could explain the gangs overreaction.

I might see if anyone on legal can clarify what needs declaring for a house sale with regards to neighbour issues & reporting to police / council later.

Unfortunately I have had similar. I live opposite a park yet the kids and parents on my street play on the road with case balls, rugby balls and cricket balls.
I’ve spoken to the parents but they just don’t care. They don’t play outside their own houses, they play outside mine. The last straw was when a case ball bounced off my lounge window.
All you can do is wait for them to grow up and start chasing girls. Or move.

Sorry to hear you're going through this OP, some good suggestions above. Terrible this kind of stuff happens, sorry I'm no help but just wanted to offer sympathies

Honestly, thank you for all the replies. I've felt so alone in this, but a little less so now.

Can you get or borrow a big dog to scare them off? Or a big man?!

jakeyboy1 unfortunately not 😔