Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Or should he leave?

17 replies

PurpleAki · 30/08/2021 20:27

I live with DP and 2 children.
He is addicted to weed and I have finally reached breaking point - yes, I should have years ago, and yes I regret that I am at this point with 2 young children in the mess.
I want to end things, he doesn't. The environment is hostile and we need to not live together whilst we decide what to do re selling the house etc.
Both sets of parents live nearby, there just isn't room at my parents for me and the kids, but his parents have a big house and no one but them there.
AIBU to think he should move in with them whilst we sort out finances and the house? He's refusing and I just don't know what to do. I just want a quick break up and for it to be as easy on the kids as possible. Please help!

OP posts:

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/08/2021 20:36

Of course he should leave. I think you can even call police and have them encourage him to leave. It’s not like you can leave your children with an abusive parent high on weed. And the children shouldn’t be forced to leave their home either. The best solution is for him to move out until the divorce settlement is agree on.

Is there more to the story? His parents may have a big house, but what if they won’t want to house him? Will he end up homeless? Is there a plan B for him such as a friends sofa if parents won’t take him in? Or do you have enough joint income that he can rent a studio for himself?

Original poster

PurpleAki · 30/08/2021 20:40

Essentially he just doesn't want us to split, and so is flat out refusing. He also would be way too ashamed to admit to his parents the reason the relationship is over, as they'd be really shocked. But we can't continue like this.

OP posts:

Meraas · 30/08/2021 20:41

Could you tell his parents? Maybe even ask them if he can move in with you as the weed smell is not good for the kids?

shouldistop · 30/08/2021 20:42

Morally he should move out but he's obviously a dick.
Assuming he owns the house with you then the police will not ask him to leave unless he has assaulted you.

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/08/2021 20:42

How is your relationship with his parents? Would they support you if you called them and told them it is over due to his weed addiction and you can’t have him living with you and children? He would be upset you had told them, but he’s in denial and you can’t afford for him to bury his head in the sand.

Chloemol · 30/08/2021 20:44

Tell his parents and ask them to get him to leave

user1471457751 · 30/08/2021 20:47

He's a grown man, his parents are not responsible for housing him.

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 30/08/2021 20:48

Ask them if you can move in?

VodselForDinner · 30/08/2021 20:49

Who owns the house you’re living in?

Original poster

PurpleAki · 30/08/2021 20:50

@user1471457751

He's a grown man, his parents are not responsible for housing him.

Of course they're not responsible, but financially we wouldn't be able to afford the house and another place to live whilst we get things sorted financially. If money wasn't an issue I would just move into a new place myself to make things easier and quicker.

OP posts:

Original poster

PurpleAki · 30/08/2021 20:51

IWasBornInAThunderstorm

Ive considered it but I think it'd be confusing for the kids if me and them moved there and their dad stayed in the family home.

VodselForDinner
We both own it, not married.

OP posts:

Notaroadrunner · 30/08/2021 20:55

@PurpleAki

Why are you covering for him? Tell his parents what he's been up to, and ask them if he can stay with them. Chances are they won't want him either. So you may have to ask your parents if they can put you and the kids up until you get all sorted.

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 30/08/2021 20:56

That's a good point

VodselForDinner · 30/08/2021 20:57

Well, I can see why he wouldn’t want to leave his house and children to facilitate a break-up he doesn’t want.

That said, I don’t blame you for wanting to split as I wouldn’t stay with a weed addict either but, if he doesn’t want to go, you’re not going to be able to make him.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 30/08/2021 21:02

He should but he doesn't have to.

I'd be saying to him well of course you have every right to stay but we can't live together. So I will go to your parents, tell them why we are splitting up and plead with them to let me and the children stay with them.

Hopefully he will be so against that that he will choose to leave instead.

MadMadMadamMim · 30/08/2021 21:06

My suggestion is that you tell him The very next time you smoke weed, or smell of weed, or have weed in this house I will phone the police and ask them to come and arrest you. I will tell them I am frightened for mine and the children's safety. You will get a criminal record. Or you could actually man up for once and go and stay with your parents. Our relationship is over, whether you like it or not. I am hoping to make it as easy as possible for the children's sake. If you are not, then I am very, very willing to play hardball.

VodselForDinner · 30/08/2021 22:11

@MadMadMadamMim

Talk about a ridiculous overreaction.

The OP hasn’t mentioned anything about an abusive or violent environment, just that it’s an understandably hostile environment.

Why should this man be labeled as an abuser? Are you suggesting that the OP lies to the police to have him removed?

Other than that, I can’t imagine that the police will do too much about someone smoking weed.

Flip