AIBU to be worried about the 2 year health visitor check?

[clartymare]

To cut a long story short, I had PND and anxiety after DS was born after a history of losses, one in the second trimester. He had weight gain issues after he was born and I had some very bad experiences with health visitors who made it sound as though I was starving him (I was breast feeding) and scared me into giving him formula, and then they came to weigh him twice a week for several weeks. I'm sure it was done from a helpful place but it didn't feel like it at the time as they were very brusque and sharp about it.

I've posted on here before about DS weight, you'll probably see from my post history that I can be pretty anxious unfortunately. He's 20 months now - but I'm already getting anxious about the health check at 2. He's heavy for his age 13.5kg and not particularly tall - he's 84cm I think which puts him just under the 50th percentile for height and between the 91st and 98th for weight.

He's had hospital appointments recently and they weighed and measured him and when I asked if he was too big they just said he's a 'healthy strapping lad) (he had a few thorough health checks with bloods and things like that to check for a condition and overall health), the GP didn't raise any concerns either.

But after I plotted the charts, I've been really worrying about it. I'm worried the health visitors will say I'm not looking after him properly, that I'm overfeeding him etc

He doesn't eat sweets, crisps, chocolates, takeaways anything like that. I've looked up portion sizes for his age and he's bang on. He's got low iron so I've been told to make sure he gets good fats in his diet to help him absorb them, so he has things like cheese, avocado, sweet potato but balanced.

He's a big eater, loves his food, but I've looked at how much he's eating and it doesn't seem a huge amount for his age. He's chunky and broad, definitely got a bit of squish and toddler belly which fluctuates as the day goes on but is always there, and his dad is over six foot, even though I'm quite short, so I'm wondering if he's going to shoot up soon and even out a bit.

I think the anxiety is just creeping in, especially since the upset was caused by weight with the health visitors last time albeit low weight (they kept telling me he would be hospitalised if his weight dropped too much, which I completely understand and makes sense but also that they could report to social services), and every time I'm feeding him, I just feel so anxious about it now.

He's in 18-24 month clothes with room, some tops are 12-18 months so I don't think he's big in terms of clothes sizes.

When he was weighed at the hospital he still had clothes, heavy wet nappy (only realised afterwards, poor thing, it was a long journey there) and his shoes on, so maybe it's actually a bit lower but I'm too scared to weigh him myself incase it's even higher now.

I probably sound ridiculous. I spoke to my GP but he just said he sounds okay, if he's still not slimming down or had a growth spurt by 2 then I can bring him in.

Do I have to see the health visitors? Will it be held against me in anyway if I decline their visit?

Sorry, I'm babbling :(

Will be even be weighed at the 2 year check as standard? Most people I know have had jr done over the phone, it’s more about development and identifying children who may need help with speech or motor skills, then weighing them. You can always decline having him weighed anyway, it’s not compulsory.

He sounds fine, honestly don’t worry.

Your toddler sounds absolutely fine. He’s been weighed and assessed at hospital and they had no concerns, your Heath visitor should have also been sent correspondence regarding the appointment - but yes you have every right to decline their input. It sounds like he has a really good varied diet

I don't know @modgepodge I just assumed he would be because of prior visits. I feel really silly worrying about it, but I think it was a trigger of my PND/anxiety initially so that's probably why

Don't panic. My children were similar at that age and still not skinny now. They aren't overweight as such just solid and broad if that makes sense.

At one point my son was on the 91st for weight and 9th for height so a complete mismatch. The health visitor mentioned it briefly once. Asked what he ate and drank but didn't press on it nor did she seem bothered at all! No follow up or anything!

Dd was very much the same but taller.

This is if they even check weight and height. If he's having it don't elsewhere at the hospital they likely won't even bother.

I can assure you that it will not get held against you.

Health visitors are often a waste of time anyway.

Mine didn't pick up a developmental delay in Dd despite that I mad an extra app myself as a starting point as I knew something wasn't right when she wasn't walking at 18 months. Told me that they couldn't refer until 2. Referred at 2 as still not making progress with gross motor skills. Seen a paediatrician and physiotherapist who said she should have been referred much earlier!

Thinking about it they didn’t weight either of mine at two year check, and if he’s been weighed recently by another health care worker seems daft to do it again

I bet they'll be over the phone again and as @modgepodge says more about development - they'll ask about any concerns you have but I had to request that I had an in person weigh check for DD's 1 year check last November (just because I was curious!)

You don't have to have the 2yr check. All things with the health visitor are optional. I declined with my 3rd child as I found the checks with my first 2 pointless if I'm honest.

They do developmental checks on a child that they have never met before or only seen very few times in a strange environment...seemed pointless and no idea how they can actually get a good view of a child in an environment like that!

They measured my daughters height and weighed her. You can decline the 2yr check though x

Your boy sounds absolutely fine, it’s great he’s such a great eater and eats so many healthy things. HVs like most other jobs, are very hit and miss, I’m sorry they’ve made you feel lousy in the past but many (in my experience anyway) are very nice and wouldn’t speak to you in such a way.

As far as I know you don’t have to attend the 2 year check and there’s no fall out from that. It can be useful though, it was for my youngest for example, as it started us on the pathway to get a much needed ASD diagnosis.

Just say no to the check. My hv gave me an appointment for a day I was working so I rang up to see if I could attend a clinic instead on a day I didn't work and they said no. So that was that!
You could find the questionnaire on line and go through the checklist- if you have any concerns you might want to reconsider but sounds like he's generally fine!

I don't think they weight at the 2year check - dc1 certainly wasn't (and he was huuuge!). It's more of a checklist of developmental skills- how many words /sentences, can he follow instructions, motor skills, if you have any concerns about how he is developing. They also mention things like reading books and teeth brushing etc. If anything gets flagged they might suggest a referral to SALT or hearing /sight tests and so on.

Thank you for all your replies, I feel really silly now. I think it was just the initial experiences I had with them, even the thought of seeing them makes my hands clammy. I've done quite well to get on top of my anxiety and was feeling quite pleased that he eats so well and such a varied diet - lots of chicken, lamb, beef, fish, veggies and fruit, grains etc - and because he eats so well I haven't bothered with any treat foods yet as he seems happy enough with what he has.
I do feel better for posting though so thank you to everyone who replied, I wasn't sure if declining would be an option and didn't consider it might still be over the phone, so that might be a bit less stressful.

It's not a parenting test that you have to pass. If it was, you would get an A*.

I am really sorry you feel this way. And sorry that some of the things said to you have massively fed, or even created this anxiety. You absolutely have nothing to worry about.

I’ve just looked in my sons red book. At his 2 year (22 months) check he was 14.9kg and 86cm. There was no concern from the HV but I was concerned as he was such a chub!

He’s 3 years and 6 weeks now, 101cm and 17kg. He looks like a skinny lanky bean even though he’s still in the 91st percentile.

Please don’t worry x

I just had DD 12 months 10-12 month check, and they said they would weigh her if I wanted but it wasn't compulsory. So I would imagine for a 2 year old itd be even less compulsory. Also having worked with SS, they are VERY unlikely to get involved even if you were overfeeding your child, which it doesn't sound like you are. Much too busy.

thank you all. And thank you @summerhouse that's a lovely thing to post.

@NewLifePending thank you for taking the time to check your red book! I really appreciate it.

@InpatientGardener that's what I thought but the mere mention of SS as a new mum really scared me :(

At just turned 2 my DS was a proper chunk and I started to feel a bit worried about it. Somewhere around 2.5-3 he started moving a lot more and just naturally slimmed right down and now at 5.5 he is positively skinny, hovers around the 20th-35th centile for BMI. I don’t remember him being weighed at his 2 year check so try not to worry OP.

Thank you, I really appreciate all the replies, I'm hoping I can calm down now. Hopefully if I do have the appointment, I'll have a nice health visitor this time

Sounds like you are doing a great job with him to me! Please try not to worry! Kids are all different shapes and sizes and once they are happy and healthy all is well!

Like your DS, mine struggled putting on weight after birth and I was also pushed into giving him a bottle. I managed to keep breastfeeding him too but it was tough at first. I totally understand worrying about weight as there’s no shame like the shame felt by a first time mum being ‘told off’ by health professionals! (In reality they’re probably just giving helpful advice in a somewhat brusque manner.) In the early days I bought my own set of baby scales and used to weigh DS all the time, paranoid that’s he wasn’t gaining enough.

However I was just looking at photos of DS from a year ago when he was 2 and he was such a chunk! He’s now almost 3 and really stretched out and skinny. I miss the chubbiness!

Use your own judgment - your DS sounds like a healthy, well-fed 2 year old.