Brother living with me- AIBU?

[leylaa]

My brother in law has been living for over three years. My DH wanted to help him out as he was in constant arguments with his alcoholic parents. He moved from Germany to Edinburgh and DH supported him in finding a job - we really didn’t know he would be with us for this long. We now have a DD who is 4 months and will soon need her own room which is occupied by him, i thought he would get the hint of moving out when he found out I was pregnant but no! He has never paid for rent/ bills etc and I have never ever asked for anything however I heard recently that he had given DH approx £4-5 k when finances were tight and I lost my job due to COVID-19 (my DH asked for help) . I told DH to speak to him when his second visa had come through- should DH pay him back? AIBU to ask him to leave ?

He’s 27

@leylaa

He had not told me because I was in an awful state when losing my job, he didn’t want to stress me out further

He didn't want to stress you out by telling you BiL had paid him thousands of pounds?? How would that stress you? Surely it would help you to know that? It doesn't make sense ..there's more going on here, I suspect.

I had lost my job due to Covid and financially we were tight. He assumed that it was within his right to ask brother to support as he is living with us and hasn’t contributed to the household at all

I would talk to your husband, agree when bil needs to leave by and together inform him of this. Aged 27 with a job he should be able to rent somewhere.

1. Of course you need to tell him he needs to move out in the next two months as your dd will need her own room. Just as a simple matter of fact. No apologising or 'asking', just stating
2. Re paying him back - I guess that depends if your dh asked for a loan or asked for a contribution. Morally I don't understand how he has been living with you for over 3 years without giving you some sort of housekeeping at the very least to cover expenses anyway. I don't understand why you didn't sort all that out as soon as he got a job. If the £4.5K he has given you was freely given as a gift, then he has still only paid about £125 per month for all the time he has been there. That probably wouldn't cover the rent per week in a shared house, before food and other consumables, so I sincerely hope it was a 'donation to funds' and not a loan your dh asked for.

*NB, by 'you' I mean 'you as a couple'

He paid no rent and ought have been contributing . At 27 he was eating and would have paid in excess of £500 per month for a room and his food. I don't think you owe him a penny for his paltry £136 per month (well done to that PP who calculated it!) very late donation towards even part of his expenses. Wouldn't even cover bills or food let alone rent.

Use it towards the baby expenses

It's time BIL leave snd stands on his own two feet as a grown man. 27!!!! Not 19 but 27!!!!! who has been working all along....

I really cannot get my head around how much he has mooched off of his brother and wife, and now isn't bothered that your baby has no bedroom or her own as he's mooching!!!

It - is- time- he- leaves ....

At 27 and he was earning, I meant to say.. in the second sentence
He was eating too...