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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To seek legal advice?

20 replies

Kangaroosfeet · 30/08/2021 16:35

Divorced 2 years. We have a 3.5 year old. He works shifts and regularly doesn't have his son overnight due to his work. Sometimes for 6 weeks. He wont have him a full weekend will only do Saturday morning to Sunday night. I had a breakdown a few months ago due to the stress of doing everything alone. Family support and health visitors involved and he said I could have 1 in 4 weekends. Now it's all gone back and in October I'm alone for 5 weekends. Time to get legal? The man is a bitter narcissist so theres no talking to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kangaroosfeet · 30/08/2021 16:56

Anyone?

OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 30/08/2021 16:58

I'm not clear on the current setup, or what you'd like it to be.

Hapoydayz · 30/08/2021 16:59

You poor thing. Sadly even if in court it was stated he would have everyother weekend or even 50/50 nothing will happen if he just doesn't show up. Sadly he just sounds like a shit dad leaving everything to you.

DragonMamma · 30/08/2021 17:00

I don’t think YABU but no court can force him to take your child overnight sadly - it doesn’t work like that unfortunately.

I’d look at getting some babysitter or something arranged for you to get a break, if you can afford it?

Original poster
Kangaroosfeet · 30/08/2021 17:00

I want not to do 5 weekends on the run and have a fairer custody set up. I also work full time.

OP posts:
HowToMurderYourLife · 30/08/2021 17:00

I am sorry you have to put up with a shitty ex and it is taking such a toll on you.

What do you hope to achieve? The courts can force him to have your child any more or be a decent parent unfortunately.

Is he paying the proper amount of maintenance?

WandaVision2 · 30/08/2021 17:01

No amount of court action can force him to spend time with his child unfortunately

seaandsandcastles · 30/08/2021 17:01

@DragonMamma

I don’t think YABU but no court can force him to take your child overnight sadly - it doesn’t work like that unfortunately.

I’d look at getting some babysitter or something arranged for you to get a break, if you can afford it?

This. They can’t force him to be an equal parent.
Suzi888 · 30/08/2021 17:01

Would he pay for a babysitter?

Original poster
Kangaroosfeet · 30/08/2021 17:01

Hes paying maintenance. I'd accept 1 in 4 weekends. He has to work this much because hes a gambler

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 30/08/2021 17:02

Courts won’t force him to see his child.

He can quite legally never see his child again.

Courts won’t force him to have his child overnight.

It would be a complete waste of time and money for you.

HowToMurderYourLife · 30/08/2021 17:02

It’s shit but if he doesn’t turn up it all falls to you and there is nothing legally you can do about it.

ChewChewPanda · 30/08/2021 17:03

I don’t think you will have much success in compelling contact through the courts. In terms of access I think it’s more about getting it for those that want it (I realise this doesn’t help you much). You may be able to agree the 1 in 4 weekends legally and that might encourage him to keep to them, but if he doesn’t I don’t think there will be much you can do. You could however get maintenance agreed based on less contact which may mean you get a bit more money, depending on what is in place now.

MissyB1 · 30/08/2021 17:04

I’m sorry that sounds hard. I worked full time and my ex only saw the kids in school holidays. It’s crap I know.
Unfortunately the courts won’t force him to have them overnight. You could push to stop contact altogether if he won’t stick to agreed arrangements, however I’m not sure if that helps you.

MrsRobbieHart · 30/08/2021 17:05

You can’t legally force someone to be with their child (thankfully- how awful for a child to have to be with someone who doesn’t want them)

CorrBlimeyGG · 30/08/2021 17:05

A court will not compel a person to see their child more, as it would not be in the child's best interests.

Do you (or he) have any family that can help you?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 30/08/2021 17:06

It would be a waste of money and effort, no court can force him to have his child.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 30/08/2021 17:10

I’m really sorry, but all a court can do is agree when the child must be made available for contact - they can’t force him to come and have the contact. I appreciate that’s unbelievably shit for you.

Is there anyone else who could help? If not, sure start, if you have one, or any local children’s centres might have suggestions; or social services might be able to signpost you to support x

Original poster
Kangaroosfeet · 30/08/2021 17:25

I'm so glad I fucked him off. Hes a parasite.

OP posts:
PalmsandCharms · 30/08/2021 17:25

@Kangaroosfeet

I want not to do 5 weekends on the run and have a fairer custody set up. I also work full time.
Unfortunately like others have said you can't force someone to have their child. He's a shit dad and I totally understand how exhausting it is (I was a single parent and dad was not around at all), but there is very little you can do. What do you expect legal professionals to do? They're not gonna put him in prison or something if he doesn't turn up
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