To message with condolences

[TessaMallet]

My ex’s partner of quite a few years (they have dc) has died. Our breakup (a few years ago) was amicable and we kept in touch for a while but then we drifted as life got in the way (and met our partners) so its been a while. I’m thinking of sending an email with my condolences, but wondering if that’s weird. WIBU to get in touch?

Personally I would yes. I know it's different, but when my mum died I found people reaching out a comfort (and remember being quite hurt when I didn't hear anything from DHs family, who didn't message as they didn't want to upset me I think). Obviously everyone is different though, and you know your ex, so are better able to judge if it's something he'd appreciate

Yes message your ex and send condolences

Message... I'm sure it'll be appreciated

Yes message if it ended on good terms I think it will be appreciated

I would message him, I would keep it short, something along the lines of sending love and strength.

Yes you should message

Message but make sure it doesn’t look like you are trying to get him back! Grief does strange things to people, especially men and they can try to replace the lost partner with someone new (or old!!) to try to take away the raw pain. So just bear that in mind.

Thanks everyone. That’s a helpful sense check. And I will keep it short and definitely make sure I don’t give the impression I’m trying to get him back.