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AIBU?

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Original poster

Social services or having a word with the parents?

57 replies

MintyGreenDream · 30/08/2021 14:04

Not me but the owner of the hotel I stayed in Friday night.

Me,dh and ds were staying over night in Cleethorpes in a lovely hotel we found that had the main building accomodation and also a property next door but one for additional accommodation.
We sat down to breakfast in the morning and a little boy around 8yrs was sat alone happily chatting to a family on another table.We assumed the boy wanted to be grown up and sit alone from his family but then the family left and he started chatting to a couple asking them what their room was like and that he was staying in building further along and could he go to their room and see it.

Couple were like Confused .
The little boy then told them that he was bored because his mum was in bed so he'd come for breakfast alone.

The owner ended up taking the boy back to his room and said she would speak to the mum whenever checked out.A lot of the guests were concerned about the boy and some mentioned social services.Would that have been over the top or not? We left soon after the boy was taken back so don't know the outcome.

OP posts:
Original poster
MintyGreenDream · 30/08/2021 14:31

It just didn't seem right.Some people are being a bit blasé about it.Not one person there thought it was right that he was alone.

OP posts:
FreeBritnee · 30/08/2021 14:32

@GreyhoundG1rl

I think it's horrific that an 8 year old was in another building without his Mum having a clue where he was, happy to go to a complete stranger's room Shock All the shrugging "it happens" posts are honestly perplexing.
Horrific is a strong word.
shouldistop · 30/08/2021 14:34

This isn't for social services. If his mum was sleeping she might not have known he'd even left the room. If he looked 8 then he could have been anything from 6-10 tbh.

drpaddington · 30/08/2021 14:36

Yes that would be over the top. It could simply be that Mum overslept and the lad went off on his own for his breakfast. Not ideal, I know, but it's not necessarily that the Mum was neglectful.

cricketmum84 · 30/08/2021 14:36

@GreyhoundG1rl

I think it's horrific that an 8 year old was in another building without his Mum having a clue where he was, happy to go to a complete stranger's room Shock All the shrugging "it happens" posts are honestly perplexing.
But it does happen! And yes horrific is a very strong word.

Children can wake, leave a hotel room (as they generally don't lock on the inside in a lot of hotels) and toddle off. I reckon it happens more than you think.

It's not negligent, it's not bad parenting. It's just one of those things that sometimes happens! I can bet the mum was very upset knowing he had got out alone while she was asleep.

BoredZelda · 30/08/2021 14:45

I wouldn't let ds 7 leave the building I was in to go to another while I was sleeping.

How could you stop them if you were asleep?

I’d be more concerned none of the staff had noticed a boy coming in to breakfast himself.

Tiana4 · 30/08/2021 14:47

It's an 8 year old boy, year 4.
It isn't horrific nor neglectful and he didn't toddle off, he walked. Maybe with his mums permission.

Probably same way he walks to school without holding mums hand or having parent walk with them, or walks or cycles to the shops or to see his friends and go to the park. Or to catch a bus to school and home again. And play out.

It is not that unusual as there are plenty of DCs this age that do go out independently.

He may have looked young for his age of small in height and could even be older.

It probably broke the hotels rules to have a child unsupervised in the dining room, but that's about liability not actual safeguarding in legislation.

The only thing that is a bit of worry is that he asked to go to hotel room of another guest to be nosey, which isn't safe behaviour for obvious reasons.

As I said it's not how I parent, but this handwringing is a bit OTT.

WhaleyAwesome · 30/08/2021 14:48

Not me

So why are you posting on mumsnet; why are you speaking to "everyone" in the breakfast room?

I hope they did tbh

Why?

I mean really, why?

This is why SS are so freaking over stretched because the inane reports like you suggest being made which diverts away from real issues.

It literally had nothing to do with you - the hotel staff dealt with it in a way they must have thought was appropriate.

I really don't understand the point of your post - you left, the situation was being dealt with by hotel staff; I very much doubt "A lot of people suggested they phone social services".

BoredZelda · 30/08/2021 14:49

Not one person there thought it was right that he was alone.

Maybe they didn’t realise he was actually alone. You can’t honestly believe you are the only one there who thought it was absolutely fine.

Branleuse · 30/08/2021 14:52

I would leave it for the hotel to follow their own safeguarding procedures. They will be better able to clarify whether this was neglect or an accident

Babdoc · 30/08/2021 14:56

At that age my two DDs used to confidently go off alone to explore the hotel and locate the pool, dining room, etc while I unpacked.
Abroad. In a country where they didn’t speak the language. Somehow they have survived into their thirties!

Tataru · 30/08/2021 14:57

I don't think I'd be that alarmed? He seems quite sensible if he just went to the breakfast room! I'm not sure it would really occur to me to be worried about it tbh. At the most, I'd maybe just ask him if his mum knows/is okay with him being there, but if the building was next door, and given we don't actually know his age, maybe she was comfortable with him going back and forth. Did he have to cross a busy road or anything to get there?

ANameChangeAgain · 30/08/2021 15:00

I also think this is a none event. Yes it could have ended badly, but it didn't. A kid snuck out of his hotel room because he woke up before his mum. SS wouldn't be interested.

Pissinthepottyplease · 30/08/2021 15:01

He looked 8, so could have been older. Where I live children start walking to school my themselves for the summer of year 4 (aged 7/8). He was only having breakfast not playing on a motorway. His conversation sounds worrying.

Tataru · 30/08/2021 15:02

This does remind me of when a close friend of mine worked late nights so in the morning she would doze while her little girl would get herself some cereal and watch some TV beside her in bed. One morning she realised her DD was taking a bit long to come back with her cereal so went to see, and she was talking through the letterbox to a neighbour saying 'My mummy is always asleep so I have to do everything for myself!' Grin My friend was terrified she would get a social services visit!

Tataru · 30/08/2021 15:04

Honestly, the thing I'd be most annoyed about is that I don't want to entertain random eight-year-olds while I have my breakfast. I'm afraid that would be my over-riding concern, not whether I should call SS or not! Blush

JingsMahBucket · 30/08/2021 15:17

@GreyhoundG1rl

I think it's horrific that an 8 year old was in another building without his Mum having a clue where he was, happy to go to a complete stranger's room Shock All the shrugging "it happens" posts are honestly perplexing.
I agree. There are a whole lot of negligent shrugging parents on this thread. These are likely the same people who won't let their 15 year olds stay at home alone with their 2 year old siblings. MN is crazy sometimes.
slashlover · 30/08/2021 15:20

@MintyGreenDream

It just didn't seem right.Some people are being a bit blasé about it.Not one person there thought it was right that he was alone.
How long did you spend listening in to the conversation between the boy and the couple and then chatting with every single person in the breakfast room?
NotJuryDutyAgain · 30/08/2021 15:23

An 8-year-old who goes down to a hotel breakfast in a separate building, without an adult, sounds like an independent, fairly mature child. (Though not so mature if it turns out he was instructed not to leave the room alone, as I would have assumed to be the case most of the time.)

The part where he spoke to strangers and wanted to go to see their room... That seems like a very immature child, one unfamiliar with basic rules of danger, not to mention society's basic rules that say that adults don't go off with kids they don't know. That alarms me.

I hope his mother takes this incident seriously and finds a way to get through to him that this wasn't okay. It's not safe for kids to wander off in unfamiliar places full of strangers. Most of the time it will all work out fine, but what if a dangerous person had seen an opportunity and quietly taken him off somewhere? It sounds like he'd have been happy enough to go!

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 30/08/2021 15:28

There are a whole lot of negligent shrugging parents on this thread.

Do you think every incident of a parent fucking up once, with no dire consequences at all deserves a SS report?

If so there will be some real negligent parents out there unable to access much needed support because all the social workers time will be taken up with incidents of little Johnny going to the shop by himself and a neighbour thinking he's too young or little Betty being late to school two days in a row and another parent thinking that's a disgrace.

Whatafustercluck · 30/08/2021 15:29

I'd have assumed he'd sneaked out while the mum was still asleep. Not an issue for social services. I'd have raised an eyebrow at him asking to see another guest's room though and hope the owner told his mum about that so she can talk to him about keeping himself safe. That actually made me wonder whether he might have some learning or behaviour issues as I would think most kids that age would know that asking someone that is inappropriate and potentially dangerous. Ds at that age would have known that. Mind you, he'd have known not to leave the room in the first place.

helentomelon · 30/08/2021 15:37

This is why social services are so over stretched and the children who really need them are being missed.

If he looked malnourished, scared, withdrawn, dirty, begging for money or food then that's a call to social services but a confident happy sociable 8 year old kid getting some breakfast while mum's asleep is not.

nokidshere · 30/08/2021 15:47

I wouldn't let ds 7 leave the building I was in to go to another while I was sleeping.

How would you know?

When my nephew was 4 he decided to go and get the bus to his friends house because he wanted to play and took himself off to the bus stop. It was 3am in the morning. Thankfully for everyone the person who called the police wasn't a murderer or abductor. The first my sister knew about it was when the police were banging on her door at 3;30am. She had no idea he could even reach to unlock and unchain the front door, let alone in the middle of the night on his own.

SukonthaM · 30/08/2021 15:59

@Babdoc

At that age my two DDs used to confidently go off alone to explore the hotel and locate the pool, dining room, etc while I unpacked. Abroad. In a country where they didn’t speak the language. Somehow they have survived into their thirties!
I was gonna put that but thought I’d be ripped apart 🙄 I recently went abroad with 10 & 7yo girls. They made a few mates the first day who knocked on our door every morning and they went off with them. We’d bump into them round the hotel through the day, but we barely saw them for a single meal. It was all inclusive and they learned the times the restaurants were open and went whenever they were hungry. They’d join us every night for the evening entertainment. This is a total non issue for me.
WhaleyAwesome · 30/08/2021 16:12

@Babdoc absolutely normal

As long as they are not swimming without adult supervision - and you clearly said they were locating the pool not using it - all is fine!

It's no wonder we have 18 years going to uni who do not know the basics of looking after themselves.