So this might be a long one so I apologise now.
I split from my ex husband 3 years ago. The end of the marriage was pure hell and walking away from 14 years of marriage was the best decision I made.
He sort of bucked up his ideas after I left and became a good dad to the children over those 3 years and built relationships with then that weren't there before. Late last year he met his new girlfriend. I was so happy for him, its his first relationship since I left so it was nice to see him actually happy. I was, I met someone and we are expecting a baby, I couldn't be happier and I wanted that for him too, although the person he turned into at the end of the marriage was horrendous, we eventually became friends for the kids after the split and co parented so much better than being together.
Things very quickly went down hill, and dispite being a mental health nurse, she mentally damaged my children's mental health to the point all 6 of them were asigned a family councillor by the school which they still see regularly. She physically hurt them, hid her belongings and accused them of stealing, convinced the younger 3 they were autistic and would shut them in their room, sitting in the room against the door so they couldn't get out as she assessed them. Convinced my ex they were all over weight and put them on vegan diets, kept kicking them out, even my 8yo. My 16yo over heard her convincing his dad that 2 of the children were horrible people and he didn't need them or their negativity in his lives. The list of crap they went through is endless.
She finally got her a way and a week before summer holidays on a Saturday afternoon I received an email, the only way my ex will now communicate with me dispite before we would chat via text like friends, saying as of next weekend I will no longer have the children with a whole list of excuses. Obviously I was over the moon, I had my babies at home where they were safe, wanted and loved. But my heart hurt for them.
He has said he will see the children for 6 hours on a Saturday to maintain a relationship with them but other than that, he doesn't want them in his house anymore. They even moved house without telling the children where they were going which upset the older 3 a little.
As you can imagine the children were hurt. Just being dropped like that for someone they didn't like very much, their dad went 3 weeks with no contact before seeing them on the Saturdays so they got confused and hurt over that too as he made no effort to reassure them that he loved them or anything, not one weekend has come and gone where all 6 children have gone. Hes lucky if he gets 2 or 3. When they are with him they just walk around town until its time to come home again.
My youngest who is 8 is adamant he doesn't want to see his dad again. Its been over 6 weeks now and everytime I mention are you going to see daddy this weekend he full on kicks off calling his dad an idiot saying his dad doesn't love him etc.. (there were a couple of nights at his dads near the end where if he was accused of stealing things by her, his dad would shut him in his room for bed early and wouldn't tell him he loved him as a punishment, when I questioned him on this he said to me if he's going to behave like that he doesn't deserve my love) every weekend when the older ones who have seen their dad come back they say dad says A has to stop being naughty and see him next week as he's upsetting dad and hurting his feelings. My ds is obviously hearing this and is still saying no. The ex has now suggested video calling him on Saturday so he can see him and ds point blank refuses to even consider it. I do try to encourage him but he gets so upset and worked up that I end up feeling guilty for pressuring him.
I know the ex and his family are now thinking I am encouring ds to not see him and "turning him against his dad" as the older ones have heard them talking about it, I've promised I'm not and so have the children but it falls on deaf ears. If I'm honest having them all go of for a few hours would give me a little break as I am 25 weeks pregnant and would love to do nothing for a few hours.
Aibu to not make him go dispite knowing how much it will upset him just to keep the ex happy? I do try my hardest to encourage him and tell him how much his dad misses him but he just gets angry ot upset saying daddy doesn't love him, hes an idiot and I hate him so I give up and wait until Saturday is a little closer and try again. His brothers and sisters have also offered to look after him if he goes so daddy can't hurt him (he's a smacker and ds used to flinch if you moved your hands to quickly around him, he no longer does that thankfully) and I've even offered bribes but he is certain he doesn't want to go. What would you do in this situation? Should I force him to go and deal with the consequences after? The hormones aren't helping at all. TIA