How to start weight loss/life overhaul when you’re close to giving up?

[Flawedperfection]

Hi all,

Have hit rock bottom, so time to take action.

I know many people are in the same position. I am obese and need to lose weight for my physical and mental health, and to help get me back to my life.

I am so envious of people who don’t have this, but I am a secret binge eater. I can’t really eat in front of others but on my own would eat enough for a family of 4, and often do. I can eat nothing all day but when I go to a drive-thru or am alone, start and just don’t stop. I am greedy and hate myself for it; for losing control.

I gorge and gorge and gorge.

I have a sweet tooth, love cheese and dislike healthy food, other than vegetables which I’ll add to my curry or pasta etc. I’m vegetarian on the whole, but not a healthy one. As a temporary vegan, I actually put on weight.

I never eat breakfast, even to take my meds.

I also dislike exercise. Sorry to sound like a disgusting, lazy toad, but I do. I hate my belly juggling away, and like many bigger women hate to be seen out and about exercising as get incredibly rude, unwelcome comments and jeers from the local chav scum (men predominantly).

Thankfully I don’t smoke or drink- I don’t need more addictions!!

I’m a little frightened now as, as well as all the health risks associated with obesity (and I know most of them), and the link with bad covid etc etc, I have acid reflux disease, awful facial skin at the moment and ulticuria, which is horrible itchy, hives on the body that can be linked to anxiety and stress.

I currently feel like a giant, sweaty, unhappy lump sadly watching life pass me by. I think I just need someone to push me/advise where to start as I don’t appear to be able to do this alone.

*urticaria, not ulticuria

I'm in the same boat, morbidly obese and have fibromyalgia, so even gentle exercise can leave me exhausted and in pain for days. Can't motivate myself to lose weight as it feels overwhelming.
The good thing is you like veg, so try to make 1/3 of your meal veg, replacing the carbs. Do you like fruit for your sweet tooth? Can you buy stronger cheese and use less of it? Little swaps like this can make a big difference. Join a weight loss group to motivate you, you can even join online only, or if money is an issue join one on facebook. Follow a YouTube exercise video in your front room, or play your favourite music when you do housework and dance along as you move around...or try aquarobics so your wobbly bits are hidden in the water! Ask your GP to refer you to a plan.
I'd also suggest some CBT-based counselling as binging is a form of disordered eating and often begins with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, so you may be able to break the cycle of starving yourself all day and binging in the evening.
Hopefully this helps motivate both us!

Hi OP. You are ready to take action. I did about 15 months ago and am so glad of it.
I just started with the easiest stuff. First - exercise. You certainly don't have to do it in public. Just increase it. Create an easily reachable challenge and turn it into a chart you can tick off.

E.g. Monday (that's TODAY not tomorrow :

– Do 15 squat preps. That involves just sitting down on a firm chair and standing straight back up again. Then immediately sitting down and standing up again. Do it 5 times in the morning, 5 times in the afternoon, t5 times in the evening.
– Do 30 stretches. just reach up as high as you can overhead as though you are trying to pull down on a rope that is just out of reach - 5 times with each arm, 3 times a day.
– Marching on the spot. Every time you fill the kettle, march on the spot until it boils. Every time you put the microwave on, do the same. You can walk back and forward or do side steps or knee lifts or low impact jacks instead if you like.
– Weights. Use whatever feels heavy enough to make a difference - anything from a can of beans in each hand to a full 2l drinks bottle in each hand. Raise them overhead ten times. Then with elbows tucked into your sides, raise them in bicep curls towards your shoulders.

Do this every day in Week 1. Drink 2l water every day too, and focus on getting 8-10 of your 5 a day. Doesn't matter what else you eat just include 8-10 portions of veg and fruit. 2-3 at breakfast and lunch, 4 at dinner.

Later you can start doing easy fitness programmes. There are loads free on Youtube.

Look at Jessamyne who is a wonderful obese yoga teacher with loads of classes free online.

Give yourself loads of praise. If you are sweating - good! It means you are working out. If your muscles ache or tremble - good, it means you are teaching them to get stronger and leaner.

The trick really is to start by doing tiny, easy things that you succeed at. And to be honest, dieting is pointless. It's not sustainable. The way forward is to gradually develop healthier eating for life and better exercise for life.

I'm in a similar position. Jut take it one day at a time and do your best each day to move a little bit more, eat something healthy and don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day. The hardest thing about weight loss is getting yourself in the right place mentally - so little (non food!) treats are important, as is realising that you're a fabulous human being at the weight you are, not a failure. Good luck.

Same :-(

You sound just like me. I have binge eating disorder. I eat in secret and I stuff myself past the point of feeling sick.
Brain over binge by Kathryn Hansen has been really useful for me.

I also join the forums on the beat website. You don't have to have a diagnosis to join.

I'm slowly getting better. I've started weight watchers today, and fruit is unlimited, as well as most veg so I can really bulk out my meals if I have to

I'm also disabled so I can't exercise. But over the summer I've been working my way up from 2000 steps a day and can now manage between 6 and 8000.

Slow and steady. I didn't get in this state overnight and I won't become healthy overnight

Thanks all for the positivity, and @leavesthataregreen, had never heard of Jessamyne- will pop over to YouTube ASAP!

It’s a bastard - totally understand where you are coming from. I have lost a couple stone (many more to go) this is what has helped me:

• accept any eating plan has to be one i can do 90% of the time for life. There are no quick fixes. Give yourself a month, really do some research, decide what to go for - and then be prepared to tweak and change it - it’s a process not a quick fix.
• accept that I will always have a bonkers approach to food (binge eating etc), and I just have to manage that, by eating regular filling meals, not having trigger foods in the house, and learning (slowly!) how to preplan so social events/stress etc don’t hijack me too often
• accept I will fall of the wagon sometimes, and have a plan to get back on quickly without wasting energy beating myself up
• know that movement is really important for mental and physical health, but it doesn’t do much for weighloss - keep it simple and start with walking (or if you can’t walk then pick the next simplest thing) - don’t waste energy on anything else
• work on feeling better and more positive about myself, but know that I have to keep going even on the days when I feel shit

Overall, change is in the small things you do every day - not in the big grand gestures

It’s worth doing some reading into binge eating disorder for sure, but I think it’s also important to approach it as something you learn to manage - don’t expect to be cured of it

Two books I think are really good are Ranjan Chatterjee’s loose weight feel great - not a diet book but a general guide to sensible weight loss, which includes advice about stress and movement. Shahroo Izadi’s the last diet - again not a diet but a guide to improving your habits and moving away from
Binge eating.

Think about the 'why', and the 'how ' will look after itself.

A cheap gym gets you in a place where the average male is somewhat more evolved. They also tend to have aircon, which will make you more comfortable and lessen any skin issues. Get gym kit with compression - wear that along with big knickers, supportive shoes and good socks and you won't get the slap as your abdomen will be supported.

Drink loads of water.

I can't do 'food' in the mornings, but have found that I can stomach a protein shake, which helps keep my energy and mood up until I can eat at a more civilised hour - it also means I'm less likely to need to shove as many calories down as possible before I faint.

Other than that, just paying attention to what you eat can mean you are able make choices without a sense of deprivation - for example, OK, I want a burger and chips. Cool.

Pack of lean mince, mix it up until it sticks together with seasonings, cook in non stick pan (or take a spicy beanburger out the freezer and put on a baking tray). Add tomato, lettuce, pickles, ketchup, chilli sauce, cheese (the lunchbox cheeses are brilliant for portion control), thick oven chips, blob of mayo - the only thing I haven't had is 240kcals of bun that I don't even like that much in the first place. Have water or a diet drink instead of a can of full sugar fizz and I'm down another 139-210kcals. Oh look, there's a 500kcal drop in one meal. It's simultaneously cost significantly less and contains significantly more nutrients than the equivalent from a takeaway whilst also keeping you away from the drive through where there's also all the shakes, fried fruit pies, ice creams and extra fried items - automatically reducing your 3000kcal+ binge on stuff that'll make your blood sugar crash in an hour into something that leaves you feeling fuller and happier for somewhere around a sixth of the calories.

You want an egg sandwich? Fine. Might have been a fried egg, so make it a poached one on one slice of toast. Or scramble it in a non stick pan without adding milk/cream/butter or buttering the bread thickly. Or have boiled egg mashed up with mayo on one slice of bread, no butter.

Switch out cauliflower cheese for macaroni. Or switch out the cheese sauce for a single serving mini tub of philly cheese, a handful of petits pois and a baked/grilled rasher of streaky bacon. You're losing either the calories in the pasta or the majority calories in the cheese sauce that way - one rasher is not the calorific equivalent of a tub of sauce. Or if you like pesto pasta, try the often mocked courgette strips as an alternative.

Just small swaps, no compromise on flavour. But they can make enough of a difference that you lose weight without an overwhelming sense of restriction and deprivation that can trigger a binge.

And if it all goes tits up for one meal, well, it's just one meal. You don't need to double down and give up the next month because of one meal.

It won't disappear overnight. It's taken time to get there in the first place and that's without finding different coping strategies for feeling tired, sad, angry, bored, anxious or guilty. But it'll make you feel better as you go along and there will be a time when you're at the supermarket or near a shop where you think 'I want to eat everything in this aisle', but you'll be able to tell yourself 'not right now' and the feeling will pass as you walk to the next one.

Totally agree with DrManhatten. Find the why. Then you’ve got your motivation.

Read the book
The 4 Pillars
Dr Chatterjee
It changed my life. It’s totally motivating.
Good luck OP.

I like @NeverDropYourMooncup's advice. Eat what you genuinely want to eat but ditch the stuff that you feel meh about. Logging everything on My Fitness Plan is a good way to do this. Bit slow at first but it really does help you decide to skip stuff that's high calorie and not even that enjoyable.

I spelled her name wrong.
Here's a good video

This is a and it's only 8 mins long

No practical advice in addition to what’s been given here, but when I’m demotivated, hate myself and close to giving up, my mantra is:
“Nobody can go back and make a brand new start,
But anybody can start from now and make a brand new ending”