To think a lot of us have changed since lockdown?

[Florasteddy]

It may simply be a life-stage thing, so I'm not sure (perimemopausal, children have flown nest)
I've always found it easy to make and keep friends. Not one for big gatherings although I can cope with them, but enjoy small groups, and seeing friends individually or as couples with DH.
Never had a problem having a chat with strangers, say at bus stop or queuing in shops say. I'd say I read social cues well.
But lately I'm much happier with my own company, and DH. On my own all day today as DH is off playing golf.
I could ring my mum (she'd be delighted) or a friend and have a chat, or arrange a quick coffee here or there, or somewhere in between, but don't really feel like it.
I walked the dog earlier and got chatting with a neighbour, and that was nice.
I used to have a horse at a fairly busy yard, and counted the people there as my friends, but yard closed and over time we all drifted apart. Likewise old work mates.
I still see them on FB so I know what they're up to, but it's hard to pin people down to actually meet up with them.
And I'm aware I'm part of the problem because I'm not putting much effort in either.
I'd planned to see a friend on Saturday but she cancelled last minute and I was mainly relieved.
Yesterday DH and I had lunch with his brother's family at a pub. It was nice, then we went our separate ways after a couple of hours. We were glad to get home and it was only an hour each way.
I don't know what I'm asking really as written down, I'm luckier than many and don't feel lonely.
Maybe if other people feel the same disconnect to the world as I do?
I feel more like an observer than a participant, if that makes sense.
Just to add I keep up with current affairs, try not to get worked up about what I can't do anything about, though I stay informed and support charities that fit my values.
Good relationships with adult children and if they are happy, I am happy.
Low level depression, draining hormones, dissociation because life has been a bit shit (though mine specifically hasn't been too bad) or a reasonable response to the general restrictions etc?

Thank you all for your thoughts.
Excellent points about differing attitudes towards covid can make is feel differently about people @TheWayTheLightFalls

I'm sorry you've lost people @thebeatingofthedrums

@saoirsesaoirse I've also become choosy, which is a good thing I suppose, but I'm wondering if I've failed to make the cut with some friends who are feeling similarly to me. I guess I can't blame them if so.

I recently listened to Robin Dunbar (he's written a book about friendship) He talked about humans having the mental capacity for only 5 really close friends, although went to talk about another 150 or so friendly acquaintances, up to 5000 people we could put names to (ranging from the Queen to somebody you'd recognise in the street but don't know their name)
He referred to people dropping out of the tightest social circle (looking at it like ripples in a pond if a stone was dropped in) for instance if you meet a new partner or make a new close friend connection.
He pointed out that if you are hoping to get closer to someone, friendship or romantically, effectively you are causing someone else to be dropped so you need to be worth it.
He did say family relationships are more robust and can pick up again after after a pause, but friendships are less so and need nurturing if there has been a loss of communication.
I found it interesting and no doubt all this will have been impacted by the last 18 months or so.

@Runrigdan

I think know what you mean. I've never been a massively social person anyway and now I just feel a bit.... Disconnected?

I love my husband and two young kids but I just can't seem to find the motivation for much else. It feels like we have been in a very long and boring limbo without much to look forward to. My husband keeps encouraging me to meet up with friends but I would rather just have some time alone to go for a walk or read a book in the sun.

I can't decide if I'm low level depressed or if it's a normal reaction to how life is now.

I'm sorry I missed this post , @Runrigdan. Welcome to the club! Let's hope it's a temporary thing

For anyone who is interested, the book is Friends by Robin Dunbar and it came out earlier this year

Whilst I have not changed in the way you describe OP, the sentiment about the impact of the pandemic I can relate to. For me I no longer feel I have missed someone if I have spoken to them, it does not need to be contact in person.

Sorry didn't see this @newnortherner111
Yes, speaking to someone on phone or video call feels like a real meet up.
I have people I message fairly regularly and a bit like FB it can feel like we've kept in touch but imo not as meaningful as a real time interaction.

Yes I’ve definitely changed. I remember when lockdown first started I was horrified at the thought of not being able to go to the gym, do my hobbies, go out and socialise etc but I adapted really quickly. I’ve always been quite introverted and I’ve realised that actually I like my own company and don’t always need to be ‘doing’ all of the time.

I’ve also become a lot more outspoken and forthright with my opinions. I don’t seem to be able to stop myself speaking my mind, and I know I’ve upset a few people but I honestly couldn’t care less. Before the summer holidays I had a huge blow up with my manager at work. She is very rude and abrupt and totally deserved it, but I could have so easily lost my job. I didn’t care about that either though because life is too short and unpredictable to put up with crap behaviour from others.

I used to be such a people but you’d never know that now!

I recognise this too, I'm not sure if it's related to.my time of life (late 40s) or due to the last 18 months.

I no longer feel the need to see people or do sociable things. I spend time with my DH, see a few people at work and at the place I volunteer at and that's enough. I see family members too but to be perfectly honest that's more duty than pleasure.

I was definitely more sociable when younger. Interestingly I'm much more content now.

I don't think im less sociable in terms of not wanting to see people, but I've absolutely slowed down. I used to spend 10+ hours out of the house for work every day, go to the gym or for a drink with a friend a couple of evenings in the week, and do things at the weekend, day trips or meal/drinks out. I never spent a full day at home. I was desperate for normal life to resume. But now it has I can spend several days in a row never leaving the house (wfh) and find myself pacing my activities or I start to feel frazzled. Last weekend I had a hair appointment on Saturday and was out in the evening, and it felt quite stressful doing two things in a day. I can also spend hours on simple tasks, skin care, pottering in the garden, or just day dreaming. I sleep more too. It doesn't bother me feeling like this because overall I'm happier and more relaxed than I was, and I think i have a keener appreciation of the things I do now there are fewer of them. But it does surprise me how I've changed and sometimes I feel I'm almost sleepwalking through my life.

I definitely like and seek out my own company more than I did but I think it’s more to do with life stage and setup than COVID.

I’m a single parent with a full on job which (thankfully) I can mainly do remotely.

I increasingly resent the demands on my time by others, something I found pleasing or flattering up until recently.

My job and my DD are non-negotiable but there’s always a queue of other people wanting me to do stuff for them and factor them into my plans;

Relatives
Boyfriend
Friends
Neighbours
People trying to see me stuff

I increasingly just crave time alone to suit myself doing what I want (or sometimes nothing)

COVID and lockdowns have made this easier because it’s more acceptable to not go to stuff but the tendency predated it I think.

I am fatter
More knackered
More whiny
Don’t have time for anyone unless it’s urgent

It’s a bit shit really