To wonder wether it's worth losing weight? Anyone happy with their lot?

[snackarella]

I have been a size 18 and more recently did slimming world, lost 3 stone and down to a 12. I was so happy and vowed I'd never put the weight back on but a year later I have.

Eating, weight and all associated things takes over my mind daily and it's a constant source of guilt.
I am
Now a 14 but thanks to 2 c sections I have a massive overhang which makes me look awful in everything. Even when I lost weight it didn't go.

I'm kind of asking wether I should just accept a size 14/16 is ok and to just buy clothes that fit me and get on with my life, or if I'll never really be happy and I should lose the weight again and work harder to maintain it.

I have 3 kids, a full time stressful
Job, 2 dogs and 5 rabbits - a busy life. I don't want to be worried about what I'm eating all the time but I'd also rather be a size 12

Am I going mad???

I've been very up and down (mainly up!) with my weight. I've tried to start respecting my body and I think gradual weight loss might start from this point. Eg.. an extra glass of water when I'm near the sink, vitamins when I remember, walks, an extra piece of fruit when I'm near the fruit bowl, more salad/veg than I used to have, green tea

I guess I've been very "all or nothing" and am trying to just make small positive changes instead. No pressure.

If you are unhappy the way you are - then only you can change it. You know what you have to do, only you can make the small changes.

I yoyo weight a little bit too, and I'm currently on a downward trajectory, and I'm much happier for it

Be a size 12 and look into a private apronectomy?

Overhangs are crap (you don't want to know how large mine is), but it's still better to be 12/14 with one than 18 plus with one and the extra fat everywhere else, too.

If you don’t like how you look, then living the next x number of decades feeling unattractive and looking awful sounds like a pretty miserable prospect. As others have said, small and consistent lifestyle changes over a longer period of time are more sustainable long term than making weight loss your entire focus and getting frustrated about it.

Funnily enough I'm very keen on the private option. Although I don't want to take the easy route

I think it depends on what it takes to get to the weight you want to be and whether that’s sustainable. I’ve put a stone on in a year and I’m unhappy about it. But mentally I’m struggling to eat hardly anything (which is how I got as slim as I did). So I’m kind of sitting at this weight in the hope I get some sudden will power.

I realised 6 months ago that I'd spent pretty much every day since my mid 20s unhappy with how I look (now 53). I've spent most meals either restricting or giving in. I've put most of my goal-setting energy into planning the next diet, rather than learning greek/whatever. I've put a lot of money into buying reward clothes for when I lose the 10lb or disguise clothes that hide my body. And the ultimate result of all this effort us still that I've gained a steady 1/2lb a year for 30 years. So it was complete pointless and I don't want to be having that conversation with myself any longer. I decided to stop comparing myself to an imaginary perfect version of myself all the time, and instead dress/eat/be the best version of the self I really am. I read Why We Eat (TooMuch) which is really helpful in explaining the factors behind weight gain and why diets aren't going going to ecer be the answer, and am focusing instead on eating healthily and looking after myself.

I'd love to say I've lost loads of weight doing this - I haven't, but I wouldn't have anyway and it's so much nicer to have spent the last 6 months not destroying myself with criticisms.

Save up and have your overhang removed, my friend did and she has much more confidence now!

I do Keto, well, probably more low carb now than proper keto. I also do intermittent fasting; I aim for 18:6 but it’s probably more like 17:7 in reality. I aim for 1480 cals on MFP and try to not eat back any exercise calories, unless I have done a 1000cal walk or something extreme like that.

I find this approach works really well because I have the cals for 2 really good meals and a snack between midday and 6/7 pm. The low carbing helps with appetite control; I doubt I’m in ketosis to be honest.

Over the summer I’ve had a couple of days a week where I’ve eaten naughty food like burgers, chips, pizza, donuts etc. On those days I’ve put on water weight for a couple of days after, but as long as I go back to the semi-keto and IF it goes away after 2-3 days.

The other day I hit a big milestone; I’ve lost a quarter of my body weight! I’ve gone from a 16/18 to a 10. The thing is, it’s not a diet as such. This is probably going to be a permanent new life style. When I am happy with my weight I’ll probably add a couple 100 cals to maintain but I won’t be going back to the old ways! Tweaking your eating habits and lifestyle is easier to stick to. Diets have an “end”, which isn’t great psychologically I feel. They are more extreme when you are doing them and then you put the weight back on when you go back to “normal”. (I done it many a time!)

@snackarella

Funnily enough I'm very keen on the private option. Although I don't want to take the easy route

It's not an easy route by any stretch of the imagination. It's not removing fat you still have to lose, it's removing the damaged beyond repair skin. And it's still an operation - they're never easy.

I vaguely considered it for a while and decided that if it were something I were to do, I'd want to get to the minimum healthy weight/fat so it was the best result, rather than there still being too much fat for the most aesthetic appearance. And not by crash dieting, by doing something sustainable so I would be unlikely to put it all back on.

If I were you, as you've obviously done brilliantly, I'd be doing the things that made it a realistic option to consider, rather than giving up because my body doesn't look like an 18 year old's! That doesn't mean you have to do it, perhaps in time with a less dramatic rate of weightloss and exercise, you'll find that it isn't as obvious and you're OK with it after all, but when you've done the hardest bit (getting started), it seems a shame to potentially abandon all your progress because there's still evidence that you've had babies and been larger in the past.

In the meantime, all I can say is that high waisted, high compression leggings along with giant knickers are great for preventing the slap of loose skin against your thighs when you run (yep, that's how big mine is as I continue to lose weight), wearing tights, especially support ones, make dresses and skirts more comfortable, pay loads of attention to making sure the section scar line is well moisturised and dried and, above all, remember that the difference is still being a healthy weight and size with an annoying overhang - or being obese (with the risks that entails) and still having an overhang, complete with extra fat everywhere.

tl;dr

It's not cheating. It's a reasonable consideration. You've done great, stop beating yourself up over it!

Buy nice clothes in your size, there's usually a thread in style and beauty on nice plus size clothing and they're very friendly over there. I've just read a thread where most people who are size 10/12 are agreeing that they are hungry a lot of the time to maintain that. It seems like a miserable life to me.

But some people would also think spending the.rest of their lives fat would be miserable and would rather go the hungry route. Depends what is most important to you i suppose

I have an overhang but look so much better as a size 12 than a 16 with one and it's not see in clothes. Definitely worth doing!

I m a14/16 and I m perfectly happy. I don’t have time to exercise and I despise being hungry. I eat whatever I want and haven’t gained a single lb since 2017 when I put back on the same two stone I have been losing and regaining since I had DD in 2007. I am much happier and food doesn’t rule my life any more. I m under no illusions I d look better and be healthier as a size 12 but I can’t stand being hungry or having dieting and calories rule my life. I also don’t want to role model food and weight obsession to the children. I won’t even have scales in the house. I was bulimic for over a decade until I got pregnant in 2007, I ll take being size 16 over my children ever having to go through that!!

Personally, I don't think the weight or the dress size is what matters ultimately, as much as health. I've been fat for a long time, and for ages, my health was good. My cholesterol was excellent, blood pressure good, I could walk 8 miles at a good pace without getting puffed, I was just fat. But over the last couple of years I've developed sore knees and high blood pressure, and got less fit, and my doctor told me that losing weight would help. I've known for years (like, 20+) that I was overweight, but didn't care enough to do anything about it. This time I have, and so far I've lost two stone and have got a lot fitter and more energetic. I've noticed that my knees hurt less and that I can run up several flights of stairs before I get out of breath, and I just feel generally better. I haven't noticeably dropped a dress size yet, but I have lost weight and feel better, which is what matters.

However, I absolutely refuse to diet. I dieted very severely for a specific reason about 25 years ago, and lost 4 stone. Yes, I looked better and could buy clothes more easily, but the diet absolutely entirely took over my thoughts and took control, and I hated it. All my thoughts revolved around food, and things I wasn't allowed, and things that were banned and that I desperately wanted chips or cheese or whatever it was. I was stressed and miserable and once I'd done the thing I needed to lose weight for, I put it all back on again. This time I refuse to diet. I just eat moderately sensibly, with lots of fruit and veg and try not to overdo fatty or sugary things.

Size 20 here and I tried numerous diets since the early 2000s. I become miserable due to cutting out foods and that dieting is the only thing that my parents talk about. And then I end up putting it all back on. I don't see the point.

I have spent my whole life feeling bad about my height and weight - lost a lot of weight after I had my 2nd DD and was starving ALL the time. I have not decided that as long as I can run and walk and feel well, i am not bothering any more. I’ve spent 25 years on a diet to still have a BMI of 29 and I’m done - even at my lowest weight I was still a size 12/14 and it just isn’t worth it. I am big boned and big arsed and I have finally found acceptance and I am happy. Good luck OP, whatever you decide to do, be nice to yourself as you are fab.

I must live in a different universe to most of MN. I don't have one female colleague or friend who is less than a size 12. Some of them are fitter than others but, imo, they all look good.
Maybe I somehow manage to instinctively avoid the diet obsessed? If you are over 25, I'm sure you look healthier at size 14 than size 10.

I'm 57 and a size 20. I lost half a stone in the last 2 weeks and my knees hurt less. So for me weight loss is well worth it.

Thanks all some really good points of view here. I guess it's all a journey... for what it's worth, I'm 37 so no spring chicken but hardly ancient!

I think I know what I need to do - lose a bit of weight by making healthy choices instead of eating whatever I want and then go for the surgery option.l in a year or two when I can get the money together

I was a size 18 and lost 3.5 stone on Slimming World, was a 10/12. I was obsessed about food and sticking to it, weighing, eating as much "free" food as I could even if it was random such as boiled eggs for a snack. My weight crept up until lockdown where it jumped up and my size 14 clothes are now snug. I don't know how much I weigh, I've always been more about how I feel. I'm starting to get breathless again, can't quite reach to do up my shoes, and have got my chins back again. I think there is a middle ground and I'm going to try to get back there. Not where I feel uncomfortable in my skin as I do now but not so much that I don't eat enough and worry about every grain that passes my lips.

The worst thing for me about being overweight is physical discomfort. I'm too old to care (much) what I look like, but I hate chub rub, underboob rashes and so on. I've had weight loss success following the Andrew Jenkinson 'Why we eat (too much)' principles - BMI down from 32 to 26 (so far).

You need to look at what you want to achieve by losing weight. Too many women think being thin will solve all of their problems in life. When really, it will just make their bodies smaller. As you've found, it doesn't necessarily make your body look any better. Just thinner.

I've been fat and been thin. Being thin didn't make me happy. I don't feel any better or worse about myself being fat TBH. My health is not great at the moment which is probably down to my weight right now, so I want to lose some. But I know its not going to change that person inside.

If you are considering a tummy tuck, you will be advised to reach as close as you can to a healthy BMI before the operation.

@LocalHobo

I must live in a different universe to most of MN. I don't have one female colleague or friend who is less than a size 12. Some of them are fitter than others but, imo, they all look good. Maybe I somehow manage to instinctively avoid the diet obsessed? If you are over 25, I'm sure you look healthier at size 14 than size 10.

Same.. It's a different world. I know a couple of size 10s on the school run but most of the women I see in daily life are size 14 and above. LOTS of 18-20. Normal area with poor people and wealthy people. I just don't see all these super slim women!

I'm size 14/16, I look good , wear nice clothes.
My BP and all other health markers are good.
I go to the gym, do weights and cardio, I teach pilates and swimming as part of my job.
I have to be hungry most of the day and go to bed hungry every night to stay a size 10/12.
Every time I've dieted I've been obsessed with food and trembling with lowblood sugar most of the time.
Like a pp said, I've gained and lost the same 2 stone so many times but stayed the same size since I gave up on it.
Exercise has very little impact sadly.
I see it as a personal choice and im happy with mine.