Grandparents making little effort

[happyface42]

Would really like some outside perspective on this situation (especially any grandparents out there).

For background my Mum and Dad split when I was very young and he remarried when I was 3 and had two more children (my brother and sister) with my DSM. Both their children still live with them, they are in their early and mid twenties.

I live in a small town and live just a 5 min drive from my both parents and in laws. I have 2 dds, DD1 is 3 and DD2 is 4 months old.

Ever since my DD1 was born in 2018 I have felt like my Dad and family have taken a step back in my life. They would only see dd1 if I took her round there and there was one occasion that I was out with her in the pram walking past their house and called my Dad to ask if we could pop in (he didn’t realise I had just walked past the house and had seen his van outside) he said he was down at his work loading the van so wasn’t there and would call me when he got back, which he never did.

After this I took a massive step back and decided for my own MH to not put in as much effort as I was getting upset that it wasn’t being reciprocated. So then months would pass and we wouldn’t see them (obviously covid was part of this so they did have a good reason for a period) but it is now at the stage that my DD1 doesn’t know them well and if she does see them or we bump into them in town she is very shy. They have met DD2 twice and my brother hasn’t met her at all.

It just occurred to me in the middle of the night last night are they feeling like I should be making the effort to see them and this is why they have little contact with us? I’m now thinking maybe they are pissed off with me and feel like I should be making an effort? My Mum and in laws are so involved in my dds lives that maybe my expectations of my Dad and his family are higher than they should be. Plus I had a very close relationship with my Dad’s parents growing up so I think I naively expected my Dad to be the same with my children. Opinions would be much appreciated.

I think it's them, not you.

They aren't interested, it's on them not you. I'd stop putting in any effort. Your dad had lied to you to avoid seeing you and the children... This should be a sign.

It's not you. Continue to surround yourself with your mum and in laws and protect your mental health. You dad sounds like a flake and YANBU to be disappointed in him or his family.

Stop chasing them, concentrate on your own little family 💐

How sad and disappointing for you. It’s their loss, your DC won’t miss what they’ve never known.

It’s not down to anything you’ve done or not done, if they cared the effort would be mutual.

You did the right thing stepping back for your own well-being. That was their chance to make an effort and they didn’t.

Focus on the lovely people in your lives who want to spend time with you and be part of your DC’s lives. One set of family is plenty.

Thank you all for your opinions. Part of me was hoping I was being unreasonable and it wasn't that they just aren't interested but I think that's probably the case. It just makes me so sad but also quite angry. I was so so close to my Dad growing up and I feel like since I've had my DD1 he's not interested in me anymore and I can't understand why. I also feel like he's missing out on two lovely granddaughters. It's awkward and crap and makes me want to step back completely but I think that's a bit extreme.

Some families are just like this unfortunately. I'm extremely close to my DM and can't go a day without speaking to her or seeing her but with my DF I'll only speak to him on the phone once a fortnight, sometimes longer and I'll see him about 3-4 times a year and it's always been that way with him since I was an adult even though he has two grandchildren. Both my parents are divorced and have remarried also.