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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit worried about going back to work?

51 replies

SpicyJalfrezi · 30/08/2021 08:06

Ds sleep has never been the best, but sometimes it really ramps up with waking every 90 minutes or so, pretty much guaranteeing you get no sleep at all, or an hour or so of broken sleep.

I am back at work this week after 9 months on maternity leave and am a bit worried about how I’m going to cope after no sleep at all Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
SpicyJalfrezi · 30/08/2021 08:51

I can’t see how it would work, is the issue. He isn’t especially comforted by my mere presence Grin you have to actually pick him up. Then when you put him down again, if he isn’t asleep, he starts writhing around and getting in a state.

OP posts:
MattyGroves · 30/08/2021 08:54

@SpicyJalfrezi

I can’t see how it would work, is the issue. He isn’t especially comforted by my mere presence Grin you have to actually pick him up. Then when you put him down again, if he isn’t asleep, he starts writhing around and getting in a state.
Mine were both like this - basically got used to milk/cuddles to link their sleep cycles - the only way that worked (we did try more gentle approaches) was controlled crying.

Mine were also not comforted by my presence so when that was all that was on offer, they worked out self settling.

MissKeithsNeice · 30/08/2021 08:54

nothing to add to the convo but @mattygroves your username got me straight onto YouTube for a quick bit of nostalgia Grin

MattyGroves · 30/08/2021 08:55

Less crying than expected as well - they worked it out within 2-3 nights.

Original poster
SpicyJalfrezi · 30/08/2021 08:56

I don’t know if he’d ever get himself back to sleep himself. He sits up for some reason and he does work himself up if you don’t go to him. I honestly don’t know. I was disappointed by the Lucy Wolfe book, I thought it was going to be the answer to everything!

OP posts:
violetbunny · 30/08/2021 08:58

@SpicyJalfrezi

I’m hoping so *@RavenclawsRoar* and I’m hoping DP does want to do alternate nights, as I hate the split nights.

Well if you're both working full time, it's not about whether he "wants" to or not, surely it's just as much his responsibility?

nuro · 30/08/2021 09:01

I'm a bit confused why your dh 'can't' help at night.
Is he in a dangerous job which means he must sleep properly (police firearms or similar?) and your job is really unimportant and therefore you don't need sleep (dog nail manicurist or similar)

Original poster
SpicyJalfrezi · 30/08/2021 09:03

I didn’t say he wouldn’t be, I hope he will be. But while it is tempting to demand he does all nights between Sunday and Thursday, there will be times when I will be going to work on about two hours sleep. Which is a killer Smile

OP posts:
MattyGroves · 30/08/2021 09:04

@SpicyJalfrezi

I don’t know if he’d ever get himself back to sleep himself. He sits up for some reason and he does work himself up if you don’t go to him. I honestly don’t know. I was disappointed by the Lucy Wolfe book, I thought it was going to be the answer to everything!
I didn't think it would work either but it did. If it doesn't work in 3 nights, or at least seeing a big improvement, you can stop. What do you have to lose?
Ozberry · 30/08/2021 09:06

I coslept with my non sleeper. You just have to get it any way you can. And lots of coffee.
How do you cope now? Do you sleep in the day or something?

Dentistlakes · 30/08/2021 09:09

It’s a tough time but you will get through it. You can ride it out as you currently are and you both will adjust. Or you can take steps to sleep train. Also share the load with your partner if you can. Both mine never settled for DH and were still breastfeeding, so I was pretty much ‘it’. I just went to bed as early as possible and looked after myself as much as I could diet and exercise wise.

I’m not going to lie, it was pretty hard and looking back I’m amazed I managed to get through it, but I did and so will you.

Original poster
SpicyJalfrezi · 30/08/2021 09:10

No, but I do get a couple of hours to myself in the morning when DP has him.

Do you pretty much just leave them @MattyGroves, even if they are stood up or sitting up? No picking up at all?

OP posts:
Dentistlakes · 30/08/2021 09:11

@Ozberry

I coslept with my non sleeper. You just have to get it any way you can. And lots of coffee. How do you cope now? Do you sleep in the day or something?
I did this too and it helped me get at least some sleep. It also meant they never completely woke up and stirred a bit, had a quick feed and dropped back off. I can’t say the quality of my sleep was particularly great as a result though.
MattyGroves · 30/08/2021 09:12

We did this basically to the letter www.parent4success.com/2012/03/05/the-controlled-crying-sleep-technique/

Original poster
SpicyJalfrezi · 30/08/2021 09:16

Blimey, do they only recommend an hours nap in the whole day?

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lifehappened · 30/08/2021 09:17

Sorry if it's already been said, but a night a week with night nanny? I know they're usually for younger babies but I think if you had one ok ish night sleep you subconsciously feel better if you bank that sleep, even if it is only one day

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 30/08/2021 09:21

Honestly you and your husband just need to take turns if ds is that bad. One night on, one night off. On your night off you sleep in a different room to ds with earplugs as wound your dh.
If you really can't cope with lack of sleep then sharing the load is the way .

user47899335 · 30/08/2021 09:38

Totally normal expected routine.

Just breastfeed (or ff) back to sleep.

Bed sharing is a help.

Original poster
SpicyJalfrezi · 30/08/2021 09:41

He refuses feeds at night, which makes the waking all the more frustrating!

I know bed sharing and co sleeping is the go to on here for sleep issues but personally I have found it creates far more issues than it solves.

Actually it doesn’t solve any issues either!

OP posts:
Bagamoyo1 · 30/08/2021 09:46

Does co sleeping help?

Bagamoyo1 · 30/08/2021 09:46

Sorry crossed post

Bagamoyo1 · 30/08/2021 09:47

I used the Millpond Sleep Clinic.

MattyGroves · 30/08/2021 10:49

Co sleeping clearly works for some but it just made things worse for me - my kids got overstimulated and wanted to play and I was less comfy

Original poster
SpicyJalfrezi · 30/08/2021 10:52

I have never really understood why co sleeping is pushed so much on here, to be honest.

Ds still wakes up fussing, I am confined to one tiny corner of the bed, I’m constantly terrified he’s going to roll out, he kicks constantly, I can’t roll over and adjust myself to get comfy. It’s horrible!

OP posts:
rubbletrouble · 30/08/2021 16:57

Co sleeping was never an option for us either. The people I know who did cosleep really struggled to get the child to sleep back in its own bed even at starting school age, as the kids just didn't understand what had changed, one cried alot and kept thinking they had done something wrong so was being shipped out.

Some kids just take a little longer to settle all the way through the night, our son didn't sleep through until he was about 12/14months.
He just needed that little bit of reassurance through the night, it is very, very tiring but the only real answer is you and hubby taking it in turns.
There is no point on doing it through the night as that just means you are both shattered , it needs to be one/two nights on while the other is off.
It does get better, but I think it's just one of those things that needs the two of you to be a team to help your DC through this.