To still think about teenage BFs over 20 years on?

[Rainbowbrite82]

There are 2 boys from my teens I cannot stop thinking about for very different reasons.

1st one was the first boy I ever kissed. He was the most beautiful male I’ve ever seen. I was not a shy teenager but could hardly speak when I was with him as I was so in awe of how bloody gorgeous he was (sounds pathetic I know!) I felt so out of his league. I just cannot forget the amazing way he made me feel and how much I fancied him. More than that, his family were so lovely too. His dad was in the music industry and had so many interesting stories - I could've chatted to him for hours. And his mum was lovely and so friendly. I just wish I could’ve been more confident with him - we only went out a few times before he dumped me for his older ex. I still think about him all these years later and regret so much that I could’ve had so much more fun with him if I hadn’t felt so shy around him - no one has ever made me feel the way he did.

BF number 2 - a complete rebound. He was a total fucking loser. Never had a job, wanted to sponge his way through life. I’m ashamed to say I only went out with him because all my friends were in couples and I wanted someone to do BF stuff with. I ended up staying with him for 4 miserable years - mostly because his family were awful and he sort of adopted my family as his own and I felt too guilty to dump him and take that away from him. What an idiot. All these years later I cannot forgive myself for putting up with him. I was embarrassed by him and - without sounding nasty, I hope, I knew I was too good for him but didn’t have the guts to ditch him. I wasted too much of my teenage years with him - someone who didn’t want to make any effort to achieve in life, when I was the opposite. I just cannot forgive the teenage me for wasting so much time with him when I could’vebeen having so much fun. I dream about him now and it’s either a brilliant dream about dumping him or I wake up feeling amazingly relieved I’m no longer with him. I’m so angry at teenage me.

Just feel I needed to offload really. Anyone have similar experiences?

I don't have similar experiences but I do find myself thinking about my exes every now and again. I'm curious about what they're up to nowadays and hope they're ok. I hold no nostalgia though.

Can’t say I feel the same about previous boyfriends but each to their own. I assume you are OK with your husband having such fantasy feelings and dreams about previous girlfriends.

@BritWifeInUSA how do you mean? I can’t help how I feel! I’m hardly cheating on him??

We all reminisce and sometimes ruminate about ex’s or the ones that got away. It’s part of a normal thought process, you’ll probably do similar with lost friendships from your youth too. I know I do.

I think about my first real boyfriend quite regularly. It's been over 20 years. He was my first everything. We're both married and both have children now but he often appears in my dreams and I wonder 'what if'.
I've had quite a lot of loss in my life and I feel a kind of abandonment at times. Looking back at my past can be comforting.

Oh gd yes. Not dissatisfied with DH and would never have wanted to end up with the ex BF but I do wish I could briefly go back to being a teenager and all the excitement of those first relationships.

Yeah this is totally normal and of course you're not betraying your DH in any way - what weird post that was 😂

I think your first bf/gf is so significant for lots of people because of the stage you're at in life. All those intense, intense feelings. It's not really about the person as much as the experience. It can never be recreated or experienced again. Its only natural to look back on that from time to time. I know my DH does too. We have talked sometimes about that stage in our lives and how special and exciting it was at the time. Doesn't bloody mean he wishes he had married Sarah from year 9 instead!

I had a really similar experience to you with bfs. First one was gorgeous and exciting and I was head over heels (even though he turned out to be an arsehole and broke my heart). Then I spent 5 precious teenage years living like a middle-aged person in a boring relationship with bf number 2. He was perfectly nice but we weren't right for each other and I look back with such huge regret that I could have been enjoying myself and dating and having fun instead. I think looking back that I was just desperate for some stability in my life because my parents' marriage and therefore our home life was so turbulent.

It's not unusual to think about past relationships every so often including from your teenage years, but it sounds like you are dwelling on these things quite a lot. You wrote about them in a lot of detail and started a whole thread about it... to me that does seem a little bit unusual.

If you are finding it is intefering with your current life or relationships to be dwelling so much on the distant past, I'd really recommend speaking to a counsellor about it, just to help you work through some of these things and put them in their place :)

First names occasionally bring thoughts of those of my teenage years to mind. Not anywhere like the extent that the OP mentions, and whilst I made some bad decisions, I don't have the feeling of wasted teenage years.

I often think fondly of the first boyfriend of 14-17. So cute.

Luckily I am friends with him on Facebook and he had been swapped with a slightly overweight balding Middle Aged man.

Yes I wish I’d dumped my ex earlier than I did

That’s it @IWantT0BreakFree - you never experience that intensity again, do you? But I could have experienced more of it if I’d not bothered with BF2!!

It’s not interfering with my relationship. I just think I’m probably getting to an age where I look back and kick myself a bit about lost opportunities.

My old school has a Facebook page for former pupils so I love seeing guys I dated or just snogged or just liked on there. It's fun! I'd never date any of them now but it's nice to reminisce.