Literally aibu

[Sorrynotsorry2]

So im opening this up to the world of MN. And going nc . I need to get something off my chest .

My father passed away last year ( from covid )
His father ( my onpaper grandfather) well its his birthday tomorrow. Hes now a very old man ..
In my world hes one of the Worst person to walk the planet as far as I'm concerned . Aibu to send him a birthday card to say i hope you die soon and burn in hell
Why am I feeling like this because he raped a women and from this a child was born .

Wwud?

I just wouldn’t send him anything tbh.

Wouldn’t waste my time or energy on someone like that
Not worth the effort

What was your father's relationship like wirh his father? What is/was your relationship like with this worst man? Have you ever sent him a card before? If you never have, it wouldnt be unreasonable to continue to not do this. If you feel inclined to send him a card to honour your father (e.g. Because your father would have) rhen that's ok too. Do whatever feels most right to you .

Don't send him anything. If you do he will know that you are in pain. Don't give him that pleasure.

@SevenOldLadies

I just wouldn’t send him anything tbh.

This.

If what you said is true (and I have no reason to believe otherwise), sending him a card is acknowledging you still care enough to know when his birthday is. A stronger message would be to ignore completely.

You're not unreasonable to think the way you do, but sending the card wouldn't achieve what you want it to achieve.

I'm so sorry you're in so much pain.

Unless you are the woman or the child, then why bring that negative vibe into your life?
Is he grieving the loss of his son? Would your father want you to do this? Take responsibility for your own actions and not look for excuses for wrongdoing.

Just don't send him anything at all.

I'm very sorry about your dad.

I had a similar black sheep in the family. He was a woman beater. He's now dead and the world's a better and safer place for it. I stopped all contact when I realised how evil they were and also had therapy to unpack my feelings on them. I don't want his negative legacy to live on and be felt generations later, so I needed to deal with how he'd impacted me.

Rather than direct my time, energy and money on them - I make a donation to womens aid and refuge on the anniversary of the woman he abused death. I loved her very much and I want to put a tiny bit of good back into the world in her memory rather than spend my thoughts on him.

So maybe you can't change your grandads evil, and sending the card won't achieve that, but you could feel better from doing something positive or constructive?

Don’t send him anything - he doesn’t deserve the emotional energy of it. You deserve better than to waste time and money trying to hurt him when it will only hurt you.

Don't send him anything. Buy yourself some flowers tomorrow and celebrate not having any contact with him, then don't give him a second thought.

Grandfather who? Don't give him any head space let alone your time and energy to send (even a nasty) card.

Would you be u to send him an abusive card? Yes

Would you be unreasonable to continue not sending cards? No

YABU, it could be deemed a malicious communication and you could end up in trouble. (Even rapists have "rights" these days.)

I would do nothing.